This year I am missing out on my first MOTP. I don't want anyone to think that it was on purpose or that I just didn't feel like going. It is definitely not the case. A few months ago I asked my cousin Rikki for tickets to see Vampire Weekend, not bothering to ask what day the concert was on. When I found out it was on MOTP Sunday, my heart broke. I contemplated giving up the tickets and going to MOTP but then I realized that it would be a selfish move on my part. My cousin really wanted to see them in concert and I'M the one who asked her for tickets so to just ditch her would not only be selfish but irresponsible and insensitive...especially since she went out of her way to get them for us. If I didn't go, she would also then being going to the concert by herself.

I can't make it to First Meeting on Tuesday either... because of work and yet another concert. I pretty much suck at life. I want to be there to see the new core do their thing and to support the family that helped mold me into the person that I am today. If I didn't have a concert to go to and had the ability to go to Irvine that night... I'm not sure if my decision to go would even be considered responsible considering the fact that I would get out of work at 6 and then spend an hour in traffic getting to Irvine, stay at the meeting for a short time and then head back home right after because I'd have work in the morning. The old me would've done it in a heartbeat but I'm beginning to see that I have to start being more practical. Growing up sucks.

My heart is with Liwanag for the next few days. I miss that family so much.

I'm going to make this short and sweet... BULLET POINTS!

Some of us know what we want to do right off the bat, most of us need a little more time to figure it out. Whatever the case may be, we "20-somethings"are confronted with this new reality: there is no such thing as getting an A+ in life, any measurement of success is completely subjective, and more importantly, you are not some innocent bystander whom life happens to unless you choose to be! For once in our lives, we are forced to make decisions that matter because they directly affect us and our futures, which is both a blessing and a curse because we realize, "hey, I'm in control of MY life; no one can tell me what to do anymore" and at the same time, we frantically panic as we are suddenly engulfed with the pressure to "make something of ourselves or perish without having accomplished anything." We then spend an insane amount of time strategizing and contemplating our next move only to become disheartened or discouraged when things don't pan out. What we 20-somethings fail to realize is that life isn't a race and that things aren't always going to go as planned. Life is unpredictable that way. But when you've grown so accustomed to working towards a particular goal to reap a particular reward (getting good grades and participating in extra-curricular activities to get into a good college, taking classes during the summer to graduate on time, taking internships to land a full-time job, etc.), you feel so vulnerable, unprepared, and lost when it comes time to set sail without a map in hand.

Essentially, life after college is uncharted. Even if you do have a specific goal in mind, that goal usually is a product of your own imagination and thought process. No one necessarily implanted that idea into your head (unless you decided to go along with what your parents/significant other/mentor/etc. told you to do). For those of us who have more open-ended ideas and plans, life after college can seem overwhelming. Again, like many things in life, there is no instruction manual for navigating your way through the uncertainty and open-endedness of post-grad life. Believe me, I’ve tried everything from consulting a magic-8 ball or a fortune cookie to begging other people to choose my career path for me. Ultimately, we are never going to completely leave our futures up to fate because deep down inside of us, we know what we are looking for…or at least, we know what we are not looking for and what we don’t want at all. I’m not exactly sure where I’m even going with this blog post but I do want to provide words of comfort and encouragement to my fellow 20-somethings out there. As Corinne Bailey Rae says, “you’re going to find yourselfsomewhere, somehow.” It may not be anywhere near what you originally envisioned yourself to be or do, it may not happen at an ideal time, you may not even realize it’s happening… but I do know that each day you are one step closer to that place where you want to end up, so long as you set your sights on that goal. Your responsibility lies in deciding what it is that you want and taking action to make it happen. Don’t fret, we’re all going to be somebody! Just make sure you become somebody you’re proud of and somebody you love.

Prayers for all those who are making sense of their lives right now and undergoing discernment. May we live our lives according to His will and not our own.

At work I move around from department to department. I'm sort of like a floater. It's a good thing and a bad thing simultaneously. It's good because I get to meet and interact with a lot of different people, every day is different and I'm never stuck doing the same thing for too long, and I get to explore the world of higher education by seeing what each department does first-hand. The downsides are that I don't stay in one place for too long & currently I don't have a desk that I can call my own, I have to interact with certain people who are "special" and often not the easiest people to get along with (but that accompanies every job) and lastly, on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, I have to work at the other building which is the haunted building. Yes, it actually is haunted but what else can you expect from a building that has existed since the 1920s? It's one of L.A.'s landmarks which makes it cool... unless you're there everyday and have to use their elevators. Every time I get on one of the 6 elevators in that building, I'm always preparing myself for the worst-case scenario. I would hate to be trapped in those elevators and you would too! They smell like mothballs and dust, they make a creaky noise when their doors open and close, and they shake as they go up and down.

Other than that, work is good. I love getting a paycheck... too bad the money's gone before I know it. There's my monthly loan payments, my gym membership which I've neglected lately because of my laziness to work out after or before work, and I've been helping my mom pay for my car payments/phone bills... not to mention my love of food and eating out. I got my very first credit card recently... so there's another thing to pay for because I used it already to buy work pants from Express (which are pretty expensive). I was so scared to use it because I've never spent money that I don't have! I need to be responsible though.

Also I've decided that I do want to pursue a career in higher education / counseling after all. I know that the last person I needed to convince was myself. Once I start looking for programs that I'm interested in, I'm gonna get my GRE studying and application prepping underway. This is going to be a work in progress because I want to wait a year so that I am eligible for the tuition reimbursement program at work. I'm in no rush. However it feels good to finally have some sense of direction. I think I know where I want to end up and it's just a matter of getting there. After chatting with Abby, I realized that pursuing one dream doesn't necessarily mean that you must forego your other dreams. I still am holding onto my dreams of doing something crafty/artsy on the side. I will do it all :D

I still want to get my mom that Philippines vacation too... in due time. I just gotta be patient and have Faith.

I'm also figuring out what's important in life or at least what's important to me and that's my family, my friends, my faith, and food. Everything else is secondary.

Being twenty-something... is another blog topic for another day. Good night!