I keep trying to convince myself that I am where I am supposed to be at this very moment in my life. I graduated and attained my master's degree with honors. I successfully completed 3 different internships in my area of interest. I am finally pursuing the career that I have set my sights on over the past 5 years. However, the question, "What's next?" plagues me... because I know what comes next but I have no control over when "next" will arrive. It could be today, tomorrow, in 5 months, in a year? The stress I feel results from the constant pressure I place on myself to reach the next part of my life. Here I am again, at another crossroads, similar to the one I experienced when I graduated from college. I've worked so hard to get to this point and being the impatient person I am, I want to see the pay-off now. I feel a strong sense of urgency to see the fruits of my labor. I am exactly where I need to be but I am not where I want to be.

"Compare, where you are to where you wanna be and you'll get nowhere"

There is such truth to this statement. If I continue to focus on what I lack or invest my energy in the "should'ves, would'ves, could'ves," if I continue to dwell in self-doubt and self-pity, if I continue to compare myself to other people, if I fail to acknowledge the blessings in my life, I won't be able to move forward. I notice in these times of uncertainty, which I've encountered several times over the course of my 28 years of life, God has never left my side... even when I neglect his presence in my life. I need to trust and have faith in the plans that He has for me. These insecurities, which resurface during moments of great vulnerability, are not of Him.

Every time I start spiraling into this negative mindset, I am reminded that I am worthy by the people that He's placed in my life and I need to embrace the positivity that they bring and more importantly, believe it. A student mentioned to me earlier this week that I will make a great counselor and said that I had a "gift." He has instilled in me a gift to share with the world and although the opportunity to do so has not yet presented itself, I have faith that it will...in His time rather than my own.

In the meantime, I'll refer back to Dr. Suess, whose words have gotten me through the many different chapters of my life:

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Here we are again.

Another year older, another year feeling blessed!

Thanks God! <3 p="">

I just realized that I never blogged about turning 26 last year. Well, I turned 26 & oh what an eventful birthday it was. After being old enough to drink for 5 years, last year was the first time I had WAY too much to drink & the nickname "annaslizzard" was born via Kirs.  Although I am not proud of myself for letting things get a little too out of hand, I know that I had a lot of fun celebrating my birthday with my closest family and friends.

So how am I doing at 26, you might ask? Lots of changes have taken place since I last blogged. My family moved into a new house back in 2012 (which we love),  I've done a fair share of traveling with Brenton and family/friends to New York, SF, Portland & Seattle, my mom flew to the Philippines last year when my Tita Linda passed away, I met Joseph Gordon Levitt!, I saw JT in concert 3 times last year, we got a puppy named Ollie who is loveable yet a handful, and more importantly, I quit my full-time job of 3 years and started graduate school at USC and I'm enjoying it so far. Fortunately and unfortunately, my looks haven't caught up with my age so I am still being mistaken for a teenager but that is the least of my worries. I have been trying really hard to live in the present moment, which is probably why you haven't heard from me in a while.

I will probably try to update more often but I wanted to catch my few readers up with my life so far :) Hope you are all doing well!

To be continued...

Dear Future Self,

In honor of 12/12/12, I am writing this blog post to let you know I am still alive. I'm praying that I'll still be around on Dec. 21st but I will try and blog on Dec. 20th just in case.

All joking aside, I am working on my personal statements still. Who knew it was so difficult to write about yourself?

Love,
25-year-old Anna

P.S. I sound old -_-

I know that the heart of Life is good... because the heart of life is Love and Love is God and God is Love.

Sorry I changed your lyrics up a bit, Mr. John Mayer. Where are you these days anyway? I guess the same can be said for me. I haven't blogged in a long, long time. But here it is, my first blog as a 25 year-old, despite being 25 for the past 10 months. And there it is...There is that constant reminder that I'm growing up and growing older every day, which contrary to what I once believed, is not such a bad thing after all.

Being 25 has taught me a lot about myself.

For one, I learned that I am a relatively practical person. While most girls around me are in a rush to the altar, I've turned my attention towards making strides in my career. Although I love my boyfriend and marriage will most likely happen in the future, I am not in a big hurry to get there. Financial stability has become a huge priority for me. I owe a lot of that to the fact that I have roughly $16,000 worth of undergraduate educational debt. I know this isn't too bad but this debt has changed the way I look at my expenses and my long-term goals. I am constantly checking on the progress of my 403b retirement plan (which, by the way, I am fully vested in), I am in the process of figuring out ways to fund my graduate school education without having to break the bank, and I find satisfaction in setting aside what's left of my paychecks into my savings account. My humble upbringing also played a role in me developing this mentality. My parents taught me that success comes through hard work and I've prepared myself to work hard and work smart in order to get where I need to be. Financial stability is one of the goals I must reach before I will personally feel ready to enter the next stage of my life as an adult. Fortunately, today I received news that I would be receiving a pretty hefty raise along with a promotion. Here's to financial stability! Thanks God!

Additionally, I learned that I am a sensitive introvert... although this had already been confirmed. At 25, I am still guilty of crying tears over someone who hurt my feelings by saying something mean. I can't help it! I am a crier! I think what upsets me even more is that I make the effort to choose my words wisely and with caution before I speak and I also take other people into consideration before saying something that could be interpreted as offensive. Unfortunately, other people don't always do the same. I know what you're thinking... duh, Anna! I could've told you that. But the non-confrontational people pleaser in me always chooses to give them the benefit of the doubt. This year, I'm trying to make a conscious effort to stand up for myself and to be okay with the fact that it is impossible to please everyone. There will always be someone who doesn't like me... and that's okay. I am human. I have the tendency to also get super exhausted when surrounded by a ton of people for long periods of time but that's a whole other story.

Anyway, I am getting sleepy now... part of the reason I have stopped blogging lol... I will continue this for another day. Hope all my readers are doing well :)