Frances told me that I haven't blogged since yesterday morning so now I am blogging. Last night's meeting was so good! Yay JP2 family. It was a great way to end the year. After the meeting yesterday we got in a circle and Angie told us to list our highs and lows. The entire meeting was a highlight especially when we sang "Mother Mary" because it reminded me of the very first LOG meeting I went to during fall quarter. Cressa and Rhona picked me up near the flag poles and we were running kind of late so we missed most of the rosary but we got there just in time for "Mother Mary" and I remember the first time I heard the song, I was on the verge of tears. It's such a powerful song, even moreso first quarter because I felt pretty emo for the first couple of weeks, adjusting to school, wanting to come home every weekend because I was homesick, not knowing what to expect and not being so open to embracing the opportunities that were presented to me because I chose to spend more time clinging to the past. The change that I've experienced since then is AMAZING. It really is. It hasn't even been a year but I know that I've grown. Oh yeah and "The Power of Your Love" is one of my all time favorite songs ever! I think the line that goes "the weaknesses I see in me will be stripped away by the power of Your love" best describes my first year of college and the meeting last night was evidence of that power. The touch game was indescribable. I have no way of fully capturing how much it meant to me. Being touched for some categories that I would never imagine myself fitting into was humbling and empowering. I remember thinking whenever someone would touch me, "am I really worthy of this? have I really been living this?" And the fact that they touched me was like God knocking some sense into me or something...because I realized that their touch was showing me the way that He works through me, the way that they see Him in me even when I don't see Him in me. It was a reminder of the way that I've shared my gifts whether I've been conscious of it or not. I can't begin to thank you for last night and for this year! Because of what you see in me and simply because you recognize it in me, you've shown me that I've started my journey and have actually been succeeding in "letting my light shine", which is something that I've been intending to do but have never seen myself doing until now. So thank you! I learn so much from you... more than you'll ever know. In summary, it was so good! :)

Tonight while walking back from class around 6:40 or something, a dejavu (am I spelling it right?) feeling came over me...anyway as I was crossing the humanities bridge I felt like time had stood still and that it was October again. October/November was like my turning point month of freshman year. I remember crossing the humanities bridge and walking by myself and for the first time realizing that I was actually in college and being independent. I lost my pitiful "I'm such a loner" attitude. It never crossed my mind before that. Ok dude this is gonna sound emo but I don't care because when I was walking back to my dorm that day in October, I was listening to my iPod and it was playing "Breakaway" and yeah it was so eerie because I had just made those realizations. Yeah I don't know. Just wanted to share that with you hahaha. So yes flashback haha.

Flash Forward... HAHAHA remember that show on Disney Channel? You don't? okay that's cool too. I don't care. I really have to get started on that research paper. It's gonna kill me already. Eww what was annoying was that one girl in my class had actually come up with a topic that was SO similar to mine except my topic on Asian Americans and Hollywood's influence on their cultural assimilation is broader than hers. She narrowed it down to Chinese people and double-eyelid surgery and Hollywood's influence on normalizing aesthetic surgery. GROSS huh! I presented before her too. At least the teacher knows that. But the girl talks A LOT in that class so he probably likes her more. I hope my paper comes out okay because now I feel like I'm competing with her for my grade. Ugh I knew I should've done L.A. Gangsta rap. I already have sources on that but whatever, this other girl in my class is doing it because her boyfriend's family members are in the Crips or the Bloods... I don't remember. So she'd have better primary sources. Hmm...what else happened today? Oh yeah, I dropped my teddy grahams in hip hop cinema. I wasted some of them because they fell on the floor. It made me sad. Thanks Erwin for taking me to get them anyway lol. Alright this entry is getting really boring. I'm sorry. Not as sorry as I am for having to read Joe's entry HAHAH gross. Bye!! Yay for no school Thursdays! Peace out!

P.S. I am developing some habits that I would like to get rid of such as my excessive use of the word "dude" and the phrase "so good" and my now reflexive peace sign gesture. First years, I think we've discussed this issue before. HAHAHA WEIRD! I hope everyone has a great rest of the week.

My head hurts and I don't know why! I mean I got a decent amount of sleep last night. Hmm... that bothers me. Anyway, I don't want to work on stuff but I think I might have to really soon. I have my humcore 8-10 page research paper due on Monday, June 5th and who knows how many other books I haven't finished reading for that class?!

But I digress, my day hasn't even started yet. I have a blank slate but I don't know whether I should fill it by doing productive things or by wasting time, yet another thing to think about.

On the other hand, I'm REALLY excited for all the end of the year festivities (except for finals) like Liwanag's spring banquet, Vista's banquet, Vista swap meet, the last Log meeting of the year (but I'm sad about that too), "yo'okay", turning in my final draft of my humcore research paper because it means that I'm done with that class forever, etc. I am so not looking forward to taking down the stuff that's on my dorm room wall. That does not look fun at all. I rhymed. Yay for me. I'm so excited...I'm so excited... I'm so... I'm so...scared HAHAHAH. I feel like watching Saved By The Bell now! I could but I won't because I need to do homework.

Last night my R.A. gave me a little bright orange stuffed animal star? or stuffed star? that says, "You're a Star" on it. Cool huh? Yeah well it is.

How do you find balance?!

I always find myself wondering just how much I'm gonna change four years down the road. What experiences are waiting for me? How strong will my faith have grown? Where will I be on my faith journey? Will I have already found my calling or will I still be searching for my vocation? Who's going to be part of my circle of friends? Who will I surround myself with? What parts of my life will remain the same? How will my relationship with my parents and brother be later on? Will I be proud of the decisions I've made in the past or will my 22 year old self blame my 19 year old self for not pointing myself in the right direction in terms of careers, love, friendships, and life in general? How will I see Him? Everyone says to focus on enjoying the present but the concept of the future is something so incredible that I can't not think about it...I can only imagine.

Wow okay it's 10:01 am and I should concentrate on getting things done.

no immac blogs for a week because Angie, the supposed immac mascot, told me to stop.

freekindorko (10:40:14 PM): let's make a bet
annanymouslizard (10:40:15 PM): hahaha thanks a lot
freekindorko (10:40:23 PM): i wanna see how long you can go without blogging about immac
annanymouslizard (10:40:28 PM): fine
freekindorko (10:40:29 PM): a week.
freekindorko (10:40:30 PM): ok?
freekindorko (10:40:31 PM): hahhaha
annanymouslizard (10:40:32 PM): ok
freekindorko (10:40:43 PM): here i'll give you a topic
annanymouslizard (10:40:48 PM): a topic?!
freekindorko (10:40:48 PM): for your first non-immac blog
annanymouslizard (10:40:50 PM): hahaha
annanymouslizard (10:40:52 PM): whyy
freekindorko (10:40:57 PM): talk about "the message"
annanymouslizard (10:41:01 PM): NOOOO
annanymouslizard (10:41:03 PM): hahahah
freekindorko (10:41:05 PM): and give me three reasons
freekindorko (10:41:09 PM): why you don't like it
freekindorko (10:41:18 PM): and no cop-out answers!
annanymouslizard (10:41:35 PM): do i really have to blog about that topic?!
freekindorko (10:41:39 PM): yes

Here you go. I had to listen to some of the song just to remind myself why and then I immediately turned it off because I remembered.
3 reasons why "The Message" has quickly become one of the MOST annoying songs everrr:
1. When Grandmaster flash laughs, "a ha ha ha ha"... self-explanatory... listen to it.
2. When he says, "it's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how i keep from goin' under" because of the way his voice sounds/heightens at the end of the line. dude it bothers me.
3. When Kirs and Erwin imitate it because they imitate it sooo well and the way they say it bugs me.
Oh I'll add a 4th one just because...
4. The song is too catchy.
And an intelligent answer...
5. It's been appropriated by the white audience and lost it's credibility that way. Plus...Russell Simmons said that it was annoying too so I'm not alone.

Thank you Angie for making me explain why I hate the song and because I just admitted why I dislike the song publicly, I bet you're gonna taunt me even more about it. Thanks a lot. The end.


Online Agreement:
freekindorko (11:11:12 PM): 11:10:47 PM freakindorko: i should do an 11:10:53 PM freakindorko: "if angie went to immac" section11:10:57 PM janjaanne: yesss11:10:58 PM freakindorko: everyday next week
annanymouslizard (11:11:28 PM): hahahaha
annanymouslizard (11:11:29 PM): COOL
annanymouslizard (11:17:41 PM): you should start today
freekindorko (11:18:07 PM): fine
freekindorko (11:18:12 PM): it's a deal then
annanymouslizard (11:18:13 PM): lol
annanymouslizard (11:18:14 PM): okay
freekindorko (11:18:20 PM): can we state the objectives
annanymouslizard (11:18:27 PM): fine
freekindorko (11:18:49 PM): so what are the premises
freekindorko (11:18:53 PM): let's go
freekindorko (11:19:01 PM): and then we'll do an online authorization
annanymouslizard (11:19:22 PM): ok
annanymouslizard (11:19:33 PM): i cant blog about immac and you have to blog about immac
annanymouslizard (11:19:35 PM): lol
freekindorko (11:19:43 PM): ok
freekindorko (11:19:44 PM): fine
freekindorko (11:19:54 PM): Angela Danielle Torres Amador
annanymouslizard (11:20:10 PM): Anna Liza Salvacion Olivares
freekindorko (11:20:28 PM): it's on
annanymouslizard (11:20:39 PM): alright lol

Because I blog about h.s. too much...

HAHA. Btw I'm sorry for infecting everyone i.e. Meechy and Janice with my Immac nostalgia. I couldn't help it. I mean I've only been out of high school for about a year so it was bound to happen, especially since it's almost been exactly one year since June 2nd. I want to go to graduation! If someone wants to fill in for me and pretend to be me on June 7th for hip hop cinema, I'd really appreciate it, thanks. But chances are, I'm not going and in a way it's kinda good because I'd probably get teary eyed or actually cry... just like at the Kairos homecoming and that would be embarrassing. I think this year's seniors are made up of a lot of good singers so their rendition of Rent's "Seasons of Love" will probably be awesome but I'm going to miss it so what does it matter?! Thanks Meechy for making our alma mater your away message today. I watched my graduation dvd (yes dvd) for the second time ever in my life today. It made me sad, it really did even though I didn't watch the entire thing, before you go accusing me of it. I only watched the class presentations aka the singing parts.

That was just for Angie lol.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention, yesterday when we went to the library, my mom didn't find a good parking spot and she didn't want to pay for parking so we parked pretty far, actually really far from the library. And when we got out of the car to start walking I realized that the store we parked in front of was Blends. Yeah 4th and Spring Street, since you guys probably wanted to know. I KNOW you wanted to know.

I got 10 hours of sleep last night...even though it was 2 hours less than Friday night's sleep, it was very good. I forgot it was Monday today. I'm glad I caught up with sleep. If only I caught up with homework. So I just got back from eating at In N Out with Bernie. I got a cheeseburger and fries. Good thing I got fries otherwise I would've gone hungry because a part of my cheeseburger patty was pink. After taking one bite of it, I saw the pink and stopped eating. Goodbye $1.85. It was gross. Now I'm paranoid. I hope I don't get food poisoning...*knock on wood*.

My brother showed me parts of his dance from the debut he's in right now and I'm so jealous. They get to dance the cha cha to New Edition's "Cool it now" instead of dancing to a traditional cha cha song AND they get to dance the swing/boogie to Jackson 5's "Rockin Robin". Wow. Also, this weekend made me realize how Alex looks older than me. It's not fair. Sometimes I admit I don't act nineteen... i.e. my inability to NOT watch the disney channel this weekend. Yeah pathetic but I guess watching MTV didn't help either. It's not my fault I've been TV deprived so I'm not picky about what I watch when I'm at home. Speaking of TV, my mom watches TV like crazy now, especially TFC. Wowowee today was entertaining. There were two sets of triplets who shared my last names, the Salvacion family and the Olivares family. WEIRD. Why am I blogging about Wowowee?! I don't know.

My friend Karylle aka Kai aka alien called me today. She was at Irvine but I was still on my way back. It makes me sad that I didn't get to see her but the fact that she called me and thought of me was good enough! Dude I haven't seen her since probably 8th grade or freshman year! How sad! Sorry I didn't get to go your family party on Sunday Theresaaaa! I wish I did but I had to do research at the library since it's probably closed today.

annanymouslizard (1:07:56 AM): im sick and tired of school
Hayato Sakurai (1:08:02 AM): just a few more to go
Hayato Sakurai (1:08:05 AM): when you finish
Hayato Sakurai (1:08:10 AM): ill buy you ice cream or something
annanymouslizard (1:08:23 AM): are you serious?!
Hayato Sakurai (1:08:26 AM): sure
annanymouslizard (1:08:27 AM): man cool thanks paul
Hayato Sakurai (1:08:31 AM): what is it, like 4 bucks?
annanymouslizard (1:08:35 AM): lol
annanymouslizard (1:08:36 AM): yeah
Hayato Sakurai (1:08:39 AM): hurry up and finish school
Hayato Sakurai (1:08:41 AM): and its yours

Dude I didn't have to ask for it or anything. That is cool. I hope school ends REALLY soon because that means no more homework, no more tests, and free ice cream.

I need to read and start my research paper that is due on Monday. Happy Monday! No school for me tomorrow! YAY! :)

What a weekend. I went to mass at the Cathedral with my family at 10. Then my mom and I went to the Central Public Library in Downtown L.A. Just walking through downtown is an experience. I got more books for my research project! It's such a huge library though. Lots of walking. It was my first time there since my sophomore year of high school. Not that I haven't been to libraries since then but I hadn't been to that one in particular. Anyway I had to re-activate my L.A. public library card because I usually use my mom's card. I had one of my own in the 3rd grade but it doesn't work anymore apparently. So as one of the librarians was giving me a new card, he told me, "Do you speak Spanish?" That is the second time that's happened to me this weekend. I politely told him I wasn't hispanic and got my card and walked away. Oh well. Yeah last Friday, when I found a necklace, this lady came up to me and asked me where I found it in Spanish. I pointed at the other side of the room. So I actually do understand Spanish (considering I took 4 years of it) but I don't want to necessarily mislead them into thinking I'm something that I'm not although I'm pretty sure if I spoke it, they'd realize that I wasn't because my accent's not great hahaha. Afterwards I went shopping and bought a cooooool colorful dress for spring banquet. Actually Kathy showed it to me last night and told me to get it and I did. I like it... a lot. Yeah and I've just been doing homework since I've gotten back. Funnn. Apparently I'm not the only one who's annoyed by "The Message." As stated in one of my hip hop cinema class articles, "The reaction on the street was somewhat less favorable. "The Message" is a case in point. 'People hated that record,' recalls Russell Simmons :) I'm not lying about it either. Sooo I kinda don't want to do homework or I really don't want to do homework so I blogged. But now I have to start and finish The Labyrinth, wish me luck. I will need it. Prayers for everyone this week. It's a tough one.

I got 12 hours of sleep last night and it felt good. Yeah sorry about that short post down there. It was a draft but I decided to post it anyway because I don't know hahah.

Anyway, Happy 19th Birthday Penney aka 1 cent!
Hope you had a wonderful day and that all your wishes come true. May He bless you with many many many more birthdays to come! Thanks for inviting us to your house and letting us celebrate your bday with you. You're soooo awesome, really.

Last night we went to the Glendale Galleria with Bernie, luckily we didn't run into anyone except for my bully who was working that day. Yeah she'll always be my bully. If you don't think she's mean, then you have yet to meet her. I bought lots of cool necklaces, actually just 2 but they're cool. Then we went home and celebrated my brother's birthday. My mom cooked lots of food and bought some food too so there was a lot to eat. Yay! So many birthdays this weekend! Tomorrow I will do homework and go to the library after mass. I finally presented on Friday. My teacher didn't ask me any tough questions, he only asked me who Beyonce Knowles was. Wow. Anyway, there were a couple of those annoying people who ask questions that are ridiculously impossible to answer but luckily I got through it. Presentations aren't that bad I guess. Hmm... my life's pretty boring. Yes. That is all. Have a good weekend! No school on Monday! I don't have school on Tuesday either so that means no classes till Wednesday! hahaha :D Alright bye!

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May 26, 2006.

What the heck?! I was just looking for a reward after finishing my stupid annotated bibliography but NO!

i will continue this later!

Happy 18th Birthday Alex!

I know I can't help it. I like blogging. Anyway the rest of the day was pretty good even though I missed mass :( But I did make it to interfaith anyway. Ham & frozen shrimp & fruits & punch for lunch (haha that rhymed). Then surprisingly Bellamay, Toni, Lennar and I were the last ones to leave. Yeah first years & our honorary "first year" guy Lennar even though he's a second year but it's his first year in Liwanag so yes. Good talks, as usual. Then, Bellamay and I walked to SST well I walked even further to the library. I was there from 2-5:3o working on my annotated bibliography (I still have to finish it) and researching for humcore. I like studying in the library. I'm more productive when I'm there. But my phone was dying. Then it was hero bonding time! It was weird but cool, I guess, actually it was cool not weird. I visited Joe at the bookstore till 7 when Erwin picked me up from the bookstore and we ate dinner at Souplantation and then went to Target so that I could get chocolatey chip teddy grahams and it is 9:26 and I just got back a couple of minutes ago around 9 I guess. Wow. Practically an equal amount of time spent with the both of them. It was funny it felt like it was split custody or something HAHAHA but not really. Thanks family leaders. Now I'm sleepy and am determined to finish my annotated bibliography before 1. I will! Good night! Oh yeah can you please pray for a special intention of mine and those close to me? Thank you :)

or not. I don't know what it is but my sleeping habits are becoming significantly worse as the year progresses. The oldies sleep before me now! Well most of them do. I probably got told to sleep about 4-5 times between 12-3:30am (when I actually DID sleep). Now this could be a bad thing but everyone says that the older you get the harder it is to pull an all-nighter so I figure, why not live it up and sleep late anyway (even though I did nothing productive last night whatsoever). I can hang but I'm still unsure about whether the sleepiness you feel the next morning is worth it.

I really hate how the sunny morning weather throws me off. The light peers through our closed curtains so early in the morning that we wake up thinking we're late for class or that it's 9am, when in reality it's only 7am. I also hate how stuffy it is in this dorm. It's like welcome week all over again!!! Ugh. My small but powerful 10 dollar Bed Bath and Beyond electric fan can only do so much. I can't even take a nap in here because it's so hot. Living on the third floor doesn't help either.

Annotated bibliographies are fun. I haven't started mine yet because I'm too excited to start. Should I start with my introduction paragraph or should I start listening my primary sources first. I don't know! I can't decide!

That was sarcasm because I really am not excited about doing that but I am excited about the long weekend. Tomorrow's Alex's 18th birthday. Too bad he won't be awake for most of it. He has Grad Night at Disneyland tonight. I'm pretty sure he's gonna sleep his birthday away tomorrow and then wake up and check his myspace to see his birthday greetings and then probably go back to sleep (or that's what I would do haha). I think my mom said we're eating out on Saturday to celebrate. I wanted to go to Penney's party but I don't know now. Then the rest of the 3 day weekend is up in the air so I hope I get to hang out with friends in L.A. or something (assuming that they all read this and decide to hang out with me because they feel bad that I'm "hoping" to hang out). This is me thinking out loud. You really don't have to read this.

I found this on a myspace bulletin. I thought it was funny. Yeah IMMAC :) I'm still really mad that I can't go to graduation on June 7th. Not fair.
You know you went to immac/ are an IH panda when...
1) you have pair of penny loafers in your locker that you only wear on wednesdays for formal dress days
2) you're walking from 2nd period to section and hope that it's someone's birthday so that you get donuts
3) the answer to "what day is it?" is "6, 3, 4, 5" fully makes sense to you
4) you're constantly being kicked out of the library by "Captain M.B"
5) you know what the acronym C.A.R.I.N.G. stands for
6) you're at an assembly and everyone's screaming and know it has to be the Baker's Dozen! (this only started last year though)
7) You look forward to activity periods (when it's a free period) just to do homework
8) You can't start off your day without "Good morning Immaculate Heart, find that center of peace that is always within you" or "Make it a great ___day"
9) you decorate your friends' lockers on their birthdays
10) you wish the 10k walk money went towards a 'get an escalator/elevator up to the caf' fund- you have a designated day where the whole school wears head wreaths and does a choreographed dance around Mary and thinks it's fun
11) you graduate at the hollywood bowl
12) you see that everything from the school is decorated with hearts and is unnecessarily laminated.
13) the colors green, yellow, blue, and red are more than just colors/ you can't wait to wear red to pep rallies (because it means that you're a senior)
14) your navy blue sweater is either ripped up at the ends of your sleeves or at the elbow....and you don't bother to buy a new one (instead tape and safety pins are always good)
15) when tracie hits you with a book in the library for talking too much, it's a sign of love and affection
16) when you see a swarm of girls running through the quad after school to Nicole's office/ activities office (because winter formal/ prom pictures have arrived)
17) when you've gotten candy from people from your surrounding brother schools on holidays like Christmas, Halloween and Valentine's Day
18) when you reserve multiple pages of your yearbook to be signed by your closest friends
19) when you sing the alma mater after every single event, literally
20) you take treks to the caf & vending machines, enough said
21) you get excited about big events because of the food
22) you complain when you find out that your class meeting is at the cafeteria instead of the auditorium/ lower media bldg/ upper media bldg because it means that you have to walk
23) you had an egg baby (or babies if you were unlucky enough to get twins or triplets) that you had to name, draw a face on, make a crib for, and bring everywhere with you... (they were either healthy, had chlamydia, jaundice, or were premature)
24) you've completed Mrs. M's STD project. GROSSSS.
etc....

Hmm... the end? I need to do homework. Stupid Humcore research paper... this is like the "author project" all over again. Have a wonderful day!

"Welcome to the real world
She said to me condescendingly
Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve"

Bernie posted that last line on her livejournal a few days ago. After last night's meeting, I thought it was sort of appropriate and plus I like that song.

I had another dream last night but the details are blurry. It involved Gia going to a Liwanag meeting. Could it be a premonition for next week? It better be. She only has one final on Friday, hence Tuesday night's free. I'll let her think about it. Why am I referring to her in third person when she's probably reading this? I don't know.

My posterboard is all crumpled and ripped up because I didn't have to present today AGAIN! When will it finally be my turn? I'm tired of waiting. I want to get it over with. Ugh.

It's Jamba/Robek's Juice / ice cream weather! Yay!

Last night's meeting was much needed. Good job St. Martin De Porres family! I'm still at a loss as to what my vocation is. When I think of vocations I think of Religion II and Mrs. McGrath showing us "It's a Wonderful Life" because for some reason she said it had to do with ministries and vocations. I'm not sure why. It makes me want to watch it again and see how it relates to being called by Him. Hmm... distinguishing His voice in our lives, tough concept. Help me to do Your will. Whatever I end up doing, I hope that it's something that involves making good use of the talents He's given me...

Why do people have to leave?
erwinandfire04 (10:33:26 AM): people have to move on and spread that light in other places
erwinandfire04 (10:33:35 AM): staying here would be like hiding our lamp under a bushel basket

I don't want to hide my light under a bushel basket. It reminds me of the song "this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine"... and that reminds me of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode. Yeah you know which one I'm talking about.

I blog because I can. Last night was cool. I guess the kinda uncool part was them "scaring" us or actually ditching us in the dark. That's alright. I forgive them and I'm not afraid of the dark, I think? Jason said they did that to show us that "even if they leave, they always come back." Oookay. We all know who bought that one hahaha. Also, Bellamay & I DO have quick reflexes when we know we're being threatened. Props to us lol. "Props to us?" Yeah that sounds really awkward but instead of hitting backspace, I'll let you read the awkwardness in that because I like it. Awkward = cool. After the meeting, Angie told us stories at Jack in the Box till we were really sleepy. I'm still sleepy. I don't know why but for some reason it's weird for me to imagine the seniors or alumni as freshmen because I'm used to seeing them as "older" and "wiser." But I like their stories. To think that I'm in the process of or have been making my own is weird but exciting. I can already see us 4 years down the line saying, "remember when...." and so many memories can fill in that blank already and it's only been one year! Why am I feeling sentimental? I have trouble picking a favorite memory. I think I have many favorites and I think a lot of them have been recorded in this blog. Before the year ends I want to write down all my memories so that I don't forget them. So remind me to do that please. Actually that idea sounds fun hahah. I'd rather do that than do my annotated bibliography tonight but no... I have priorities, school first. Yuck.

I'm loving it.
:)

...impossible as it may seem, but i wish I could so bad...

Right after humcore discussion, Avi and I took a detour trip to Coldstone to treat ourselves just because. We blasted the first Backstreet Album in her car with the top down and sang along. It sucks how we know all the lyrics to Backstreet song but can barely remember what we learned in Brain Dysfunction today. Oh well. Yay for ice cream.

Last night I was supposed to be studying but Diana Melissa Meza distracted me.

splndrinthegrss (12:15:07 AM): your pet's ugly, anna liza!

That was in reference to my adorable Neopet of 5 years (since May 1st, 2001 to be exact), Funniecheeks1 the kacheek. I've had that pet since the 8th grade. I remember when all my friends and I would just sit in the computer lab playing on neopets. We were so mature for our age... while 8th graders today have myspace, we had neopets. Oh yes. Di.Me started playing 2 months ago so she got me into it again. When I logged on, "FuNniEChEeKs1" was dying, I had 29,798 neopoints, I built one room of a house on I forgot what the street name was called and I was a colonel in the Tyrian army. I was so hardcore. Anyway I started playing games on there and dude, they have Meerca Chase II! It's faster and it lets you choose your background color AND it has three types of chases: the og Classic chase, the Maze one, and this free style one. WOW. Yeah so I spent a good 2 hours playing on neopets. They also have this High School Musical Trivia game which was so ridiculously EASY. I played 3 times because that's the maximum # of times you can play a day AND I got a perfect score each time. So good. Really. You wanna see something cool? http://petpages.neopets.com/~FuNniEChEeKs1. There it is. My awesome neopet.

How old am I?! Like seriously, this post has been about neopets and the Backstreet Boys. If I was a stranger reading this blog, I would never have guessed that I was in college. Alright moving on to more sophisticated, adult matters...

I had another dream last night. Why so many dreams? Anyway it started off with Kathy giving me a pcn shirt. I stared at it for a while and folded it nicely and left it on my bed. Then I walked to "school" which looked like the mall from the inside. I realized I forgot to bring my backpack (I know! what's with me and backpacks?!) but as I was walking to class I ran into Avi who didn't have her backpack either. But she had a tape recorder for our brain dysfunction lecture and said something about dorsal and I told her she was lucky because I had nothing to write with. I walked into the classroom and sat down and that's all i remember.

I'm too lazy to make sense of it but if you want to interpret it for me, go right ahead.

I run away a lot. I talked to some old friends this weekend and that's what I realized. When I talked to them, we picked up right where we left off and it bugged me that nothing really changed. I don't know if this makes sense but by running away, I wasn't escaping my problems. I should've been upfront and faced things assertively before but now I can't change it. It's too late. What's done is done. Haha after re-reading what I just wrote, it occurred to me that this sounds really serious but it's not. It's actually pretty lame and superficial. I'll tell you if you're special or if I feel like it. Since we're talking about some deep stuff, I also realized lately that I'm not too great with intimacy... like just one-on-one talks with people. I already have trouble with awkward silences sometimes. I mean I'm comfortable doing that with friends who I've known for a long time but it takes a while for me to open up to new people. If I do open up to you, then that must mean that I really trust you. I have trust issues so don't be offended if I don't share my life story with you right away. It's a seldom occurence . And along with intimacy is my problem with affection. I mean I can give it usually but I have trouble receiving it... not from my family but from others I guess? I don't know. I've lost one too many opportunities to get to know some wonderful & awesome people because of this. This is coming from the girl who hated having people or more specifically guys open her doors for her. I'm not lying either. For the longest time it was one of my biggest pet peeves in the entire world. I don't care if you try to open my doors for me to annoy me now because I've gradually learned to accept such an act of kindness. I mean I already feel uncomfortable when someone compliments me. It makes me feel awkward too! Why? ....I'm weird. I mean I'll say "thanks" but then the thank you will be followed with an "I guess." It's a habit.

friend: awesome people just don't realize they're awesome
me: hahah
me: i guess so
friend: bahhh
friend: no "guessing", just "knowing"

And that makes me wonder because during last Sunday's homily, Fr. John was talking about "agape" love... which is God's unconditional love for us. My problem with intimacy becomes this obstacle to my relationship with Him because while he's putting himself out there and inviting me to get to know Him and to get closer to Him, here I am placing conditions on the love I give to Him and others; even placing conditions on the love I receive from others by failing to fully appreciate the love that they show me every day. I don't know why I'm suddenly venting all of this on my blog. I think I really need a Kairos and if I did go on Kairos again, I would be bawling. I haven't had the ability to genuinely express a lot of my emotions this year. Maybe that's why I'm so tense. In the words of a family leader, I need to "chill out" for real. Last night was ehhh... too much nostalgia for my liking. Thanks Meechy haha just kidding. But I guess it was good. I'm glad the heroes are back :) Love is all around. Prayers for everyone struggling with the challenges that week 8 brings and for everyone in general.

Despite my unwillingness or hesitance to open myself up to Your friendship, You and Your love are always there.

And since I don't say it enough,

I had another weird dream.

So I was walking with my dad and brother into what looked like a church. I was carrying these gifts that my parents got me: some new type of mp3 player and a bright red backpack. I was wearing the backpack with the tag on because I got so excited. But when we walked in, it was more like a police office or court room. And they immediately saw the tags on my backpack and assumed that I stole it. I told them that my parents gave it to me and that they could attest to it. But the lady who was accusing me refused to believe me and kept saying no. She told this tall guy to accompany me to my seat. Some details of this dream are fuzzy but after that I remember seeing my dad and brother outside talking about how I'd "stolen" it. My brother was like, "I don't think she would've stolen it", which was weird because I thought my dad had given it to me. I remember wanting to talk to my mom about it but she was nowhere to be found. I think I was standing next to the desk or table that the persecuting lady was sitting on and she then revealed to me that this entire thing was a sham... it was an episode of People's Court or one of those kinds of shows, which explains why I could never win because they needed the ratings. So I calmed down a bit after that. Then I think I took the tags off of my backpack and that's all I remember of the dream.

So strange. Interpret it for me. It seems like being victimized in my dreams is becoming an unwelcome pattern for me lately. It's the last day of the weekend and I have yet to finish my homework and do my laundry but I will. I am determined. I'll do all this after mass.

Wow. I get these pangs of nostalgia once in a while. I miss my old friends. :( I want to talk to them but a lot of the time we're all too busy or when I'm free, they're busy or vice versa. I miss the carefree-ness of it all. Last year, after school when Gia and I wanted to avoid doing homework, we'd go on Robek's Juice or Baskin Robbins or 7-11 Slurpee runs or we'd buy Tommy's chili cheese fries and eat them at her grandma's house or we'd go to the Glendale Galleria and walk through the mall in our uniform, receiving awkward glances from girls who go to the "rival" schools... Glendale was Holy Family High School's territory. We'd window-shop and find a lot of things we wanted to buy and Gia would actually buy stuff because those were the days that she lacked self-control. Then we'd get all excited when we saw people we knew or we would dodge people that we didn't want to see. We'd blast slow jams or pop songs or K-Day hahah and sing along to it and have wonderful, funny talks in the car. We'd do imitations of people and laugh so hard that we'd cry and she'd be too distracted to drive. I miss our liturgy committee meetings or when we had to make give-aways in the Campus Ministry office and after 3 o clock Kim would start getting crazy and laugh way too much; it was the scary side of Kim. I miss how we'd catch up and talk to the sophomores, who are now going to be the seniors. I miss walking around our pretty campus and knowing everyone. I miss yearbooks and decorating them the Immac way. I miss welcome days, Mary's days, and CLASS DAYS! I need a class day right now, technically Spring Banquet is kind of like one. I miss Mr. Manion's stories, I miss practicing the bowing for graduation, I even miss senior singing sometimes, actually not really. I miss my class. For the most part, I miss everything.

I know that this time next year or even this coming summer, I'm probably going to miss things about college too... actually I'm sure I will. Not too excited about missing things because that means that these things either no longer exist or are no longer within one's reach. Sigh. Okay well I'm going to get ready for mass. My brother just IM'ed me. He went to IHM's May Festival, yet another thing I miss. I remember doing the macarena for the May Festival in the 3rd grade with my friends just for free halo-halo which I didn't even like at that time. Anyway, praying for everyone. Bye.


It was almost a year ago today that Ms. Gedeon read this to my senior class. Immac tradition. Just reading it makes me sad... Oh senior year(s)... they're sooo good yet so sad.

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy/girl who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy/girl!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

...and how they seem to slowly fade away...

This weekend I have lots of things to do and I actually have time to do it because everyone's gone for the weekend. But I have less time because I spent too much of it on pointless things like myspace and facebook. Ugh. It's okay. I just finished making my posterboard for my mini-presentation tomorrow or Wednesday. It's random so I don't know when I'm actually going to present. I call it a mini-presentation so that it doesn't sound too intimidating. Sigh. I have to read after this. I'm choosing not to watch a movie with Bernie, her friend, and Christine so that I can finish my homework instead. I'm pretty sure I won't have that much time tomorrow to do it. Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today? I don't know who said that originally but I need to remind myself not to procrastinate.

Last night, people were being sort of obnoxious. They were yelling and everything. I ended up sleeping at 3. That wasn't supposed to happen. Anyway I got up at 10 and realized that I had a stiff neck. I can't turn to the left. Actually I can turn to the left but it hurts. I want to get rid of it already.

This reminds me of the last time I had a stiff neck. I was an 8th grader at IHM. I had to tilt my head to the side because it was that bad. So I was putting my books away and Ricky and Pat asked me if something was wrong because it looked like I was gonna cry. My old bully nicole who sat all the way in the back would keep calling me from across the room just so that I would turn around because she thought it was funny how I couldn't move my neck. Oh the joys of being an 8th grader. Now, 5 years later, I have a stiff neck again.

We ate breakfast at Commons. But there weren't a lot of choices. I had eggs and fruit loops. Then Bernie, Christine and I checked out the Farmer's Market for the first time. It was cool. Grocery shopping will be more fun when we live in an apartment. We got lots of free samples. Yay for fruits and orange juice. Then I walked to Cha for Tea to buy some lunch/dinner because I only have one meal left for the weekend. Then I did homework for the rest of the day and I am still doing homework. It never ends I tell you! I plan to do homework and eat my dinner and then sleep early! Summer, how I wish you were here already. Laziness is getting the best of me.

Thanks to 2 good Samaritans who go by the names of Bellamay and Frances, for feeding Bernie and me last night. We didn't go hungry because of your generosity lol.

Prayers for the retreatants this weekend and for everyone in general. It's week 8?! AHHHHH! Ok the end.

This entry has been edited at 11:31am. Thanks.

Dean told me to blog. He blogged for me. This is what he said:

"hi my name is anna and i think dean is the coolest person in the world. i will give him cookies tomorrow. have a great day!"

You decide which parts of it are true. I personally think the last sentence is perfect. Anyway here comes my real entry because I'm not lazy like some people who don't blog frequently. Today was interesting. I started out my day with a bad dream.

So I was standing around in my hall with a few of my friends and I think my mom was there too. I'm not sure. All of a sudden, one of my guy hallmates (who happens to be the nicest guy ever), stands behind me and puts a gun to my head. I panic and get scared. The people around me advise not to talk back to him. So I bow down and pray instead. Then I get up the courage to just confront him. So I plead with him and tell him that I haven't fully lived yet and I have so much more to do. Fortunately, he has pity on me and puts the gun down and I wake up feeling extremely relieved and confused.

What a frightening dream. I don't know what it could mean. Frances said it had to do with me defending my faith and I think that it's very possible that that was the meaning. Any other suggestions? According to dreammoods.com: To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may feel victimized in some situation.

Speaking of guns, in hip hop cinema we listened to Nas's " I Gave You Power" and it had to do with Nas speaking about gangs and violence from the gun's point of view. The gun gives human beings power over other human beings BUT we learned about the power of prayer during St. Augustine's meeting last night. My hallmate put down the gun after I prayed. So it's kind of like the scissors beat paper beat rock thing... except the power of prayer beats the power of violence which beats the power of people? I don't know where I'm going with this but you get the picture I hope... or kind of?

I liked last night's meeting. Why do the meetings always end up paralleling what I'm going through at the time?
"...Therefore let us acknowledge our voice in Him and His in us"_St. Augustine of Hippo
I've heard His voice a lot lately. The problem is that too often I've been ignoring it or I've failed to listen.

Tonight I went to target with my hallmates and we listened to the S Club 7 cd on the way there and back. I bought a hairbrush because I've been functioning without one since Sunday since I left my brush at home. Then we watched American Idol and we sang along to oldies songs. Kenny walked in while we were singing and started dancing hahah. Fun times. I'm gonna miss dorming a lot.

Angie "studied" in Vista with me and Avi on Tuesday night. I think her smart vibes were rubbing off on us since she did do better than us on the last midterm haha. Yay for naps, sprinklers, open windows, awkward stares, laughter, and lecture notes.

You don't know what you've got till it's gone. Angie says, "you don't know how good you have it" or that's what she was telling me and my other hallmates that when she was at Vista. As sudden as it is, my first year is coming to an end. While many people are at the point of their lives when they can look back on their first year of college and reminisce about the experiences they had, I'm still at the point of my life where I have the ability to either make the most of the time I have left or be a loser and count down the days until it's over. So I'm going to take this time to reflect on "how good I have it" from the convenient meals at Brandywine, Commons, and Pippins (chicken potsticker Wednesdays and Premium night Thursday chicken tenders and chocolate chip cookies at commons, strawberry shortcake ice cream Wednesdays and Thursdays, onion ring Thursdays, clam chowder and fish taco Fridays and every other good day at Brandywine), to the hall community (Vmail from Kenny, late night talks in the study room instead of studying, mini- hall dinners, watching Gunther/MMC videos on youtube.com, watching Homestar Runner, the "we love you egg" and peanut butter jelly time videos and Brawny Man commercials on the computer, blasting old school pop music at night, walking around the hall knowing everyone's name, the smell of cookies baking in the kitchen hahaha, knowing your friends are only rooms away from you, being called annanymouslizard by Andrew and Anh, Sarah's random visits, Annie's cartoon drawings, Briyonce's dance moves, Flo's "frick yeah", Avi and Anna days, walking to class with vistans, the park of intrigue and airport of mystery, the jungle, that one time Robert broke the tree branch off in front of the Admin building, and I can't think of what else but it'll come to me I'm sure. It seems like only yesterday we just moved in and had no idea who anyone was. Avi and I were talking about how we refer to Vista as our home... like when we come back for the weekends we say, "oh I'm coming home." It's almost week 8 and I'm anticipating the other surprises that we have in store...scavenger hunt, Vista hall banquet, Vista swap meet, etc. I don't want to grow up. I think that this song is the best way to describe where I am right now, even though it can get old...the lyrics are good.

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
T o d a y is where your book b e g i n s
The rest is still u n w r i t t e n

The seniors have created and lived through their college experiences, some amazing, others not so amazing, but good nonetheless, and now my own journey is starting and after just one year, I'm excited to see what's coming next. It's my turn. It's our turn and I can't wait. We have the power to write our own stories and make our own adventures. I'll be waiting for that day when I can tell the first years about what I went through "back in the day" and tell them "how good they have it" hahah. But that's not gonna happen for a couple of years so for right now, I'm content with the beginning.

I'm still a beh-beh, as much as I hate to admit it.

P.S. Thanks for the chocolatey chip teddy grahams Erwin and Frances. I'm halfway done with the box. Yummy.

This is NOT an edited blog, GP. Anyway, who needs eprops when you never got me the 7 diddy reese cookies that you were supposed to get me for blogging 7 days straight?! That's not right. What's also not right is how many cookies I consumed yesterday. If I had to estimate, I'd say it was around 10. That's so not healthy. So I have two extra cookies from yesterday in my possession. Don't worry I won't eat them. I'm really trying to quit now. It's gotta stop.

I'm really stressed. I don't like studying for science. I don't like science in general. I hope I get a P for pass on my report card for this dumb Brain Dysfunction class. Avi and I went to office hours today and I'd probably be right in guessing that we were two of the only students who probably went. I don't know maybe there were a couple of people before/after us. Who knows? She was really helpful though. She gave us a good first impression... but later things changed. She said she would see us at Table Talk at Commons around 12:15. So we walked back to Vista, crammed more lecture material and prepared some questions and got ready to have lunch with the Professor. The time came and we went to Silverado only to be turned down and stood up by her. She said, "Ohh the director who's supposed to set this up isn't even here. So if you see him just tell him I left" and she recognized us from earlier and saw that we had notebooks but she didn't even stay to talk to us. So table talk was pointless. Avi even ditched a class just so that we could have lunch with her. How rude. Ugh anyway, that totally ruined my appetite...but not really. I had ice cream to make up for it afterwards. Avi and I then went to the bookstore. Yay! ;) hahaha.

Anyway, we continued studying for Brain dysfunction. We finished studying 3 lectures. I hope I remember what I just studied. Yuck. 3 more lectures to go. I don't know whether or not to go to the meeting tonight. I haven't missed one this entire quarter :( I want to go. Hmmm...

Another thing that made me REALLY happy came in the form of good news from my best friend in the entire world:
TM pinay G I A (2:51:23 PM): August 13th Glendale Galleria 1pm - 6pm 2148 Glendale Galleria, Glendale, CA
TM pinay G I A (2:51:26 PM): loooool degrassi mall tour

That was very deserving of the 5 o's in lol. It's that time of the year AGAIN! Degrassi season! YES! It is. Although I've been a pretty bad tv watcher, I'm still gonna go. YAY!!! It's kinda pathetic now that I think about it, Gia and I have been going to Degrassi events since 2004, when we were 17! Now we're 19 and it'll be even more awkward. But who cares? They probably know us by now. I hope that Jake Epstein goes. That would be a dream come true. I'm excited. My August 13th is booked. So if you love Degrassi and want to meet two of them (or maybe more because last time we went to the Galleria we met 4 of them PLUS the executive producer), then come to Glendale on August 13th. But don't come at 1. Come earlier, like at 9 for a good place in line and then that way you can get in line twice if you want, and if you cut haha but don't do that it's bad.

Would chocolatey chip teddy grahams count as cookies?

This is Avi's away message right now:

A: the right hemisphere's where sarcasm and jokes come from
A: gosh. people use their right hemispheres to pick on us.
A: I wish I could damage their right hemispheres.

That's deliriousness talking. I'll leave it up to you to guess which A's which hahah. It shouldn't be THAT hard if you really know me or us.

How do I know if I'm part of the 80% population of left-handers whose Broca is found in their left hemisphere?

I don't want to do homework!

Happy Mother's Day! I went to the cathedral with my family for mass at 8 am. The priest talked about trusting God and second chances. I got more or less 9 hours of wonderful sleep last night. I didn't end up doing my homework. I fell asleep at 10pm and woke up around 7:30. Yes. After mass we went out for breakfast and then brought some sapin sapin to Tito Ogie, Tita Vi, Gen and Nanay for Mother's Day. Gen told me that Tyra Banks and Mary Tyler Moore went to Mary's Day this year!!!! UGH! Why did I have to have class that day?! Not fair. Oh well. My brother watched Passion perform last night. He sang Refiner's Fire apparently. Yeah that's an interesting fact of the day. I can't believe I blogged TWICE yesterday. Just pretend that the Hands Down post was for Friday instead of Saturday.

This week is going to kill me. I have to finalize my humcore topic for tomorrow and I have a brain dysfunction midterm on Wednesday and I have to read and keep up with all that other stuff. I keep talking about all the work I have to do. I'm sorry. This is one of the ways I deal with stress sooo don't read it if you don't want to.

OMG my cousin told me that there's gonna be a High School Musical 2! Awesome huh? haha. I guess I'll end this now... see you back in Irvine in approximately like 4-5 hours. This was a pointless blog but looking at my two posts in one day got me annoyed so I wanted to push it down hahah.

These are the types of conversations I have when I avoid homework:
annanymouslizard (11:41:53 PM): so you've seen erwin st. too?!
erwinandfire04 (11:42:03 PM): yeaaah
erwinandfire04 (11:42:13 PM): i passed by there last week
annanymouslizard (11:42:28 PM): lol that was weirrrrddddd
annanymouslizard (11:43:51 PM): i wonder if there's an anna street... or an anna liza street.
annanymouslizard (11:44:00 PM): like if there was an anna land! hahah
erwinandfire04 (11:44:10 PM): HAHAHAH
annanymouslizard (11:45:09 PM): wouldn't that be SO cool?!
erwinandfire04 (11:45:27 PM): yes
erwinandfire04 (11:45:28 PM): i would go
erwinandfire04 (11:45:29 PM): because
erwinandfire04 (11:45:33 PM): you would get me free admission
erwinandfire04 (11:45:34 PM): right?
annanymouslizard (11:45:47 PM): yes!
annanymouslizard (11:45:49 PM): definitely
annanymouslizard (11:46:51 PM): maybe even a yearlong pass! hahahah
erwinandfire04 (11:47:20 PM): YUSSSS
annanymouslizard (11:48:02 PM): you can even have a statue of you in anna land if you want... i guess i could set aside a family leaders section of it LOL
erwinandfire04 (11:48:31 PM): HAHAHAH
erwinandfire04 (11:48:33 PM): YESSSSS
erwinandfire04 (11:48:36 PM): best land ever.
erwinandfire04 (11:48:37 PM): wait
annanymouslizard (11:48:40 PM): lol
erwinandfire04 (11:48:41 PM): why couldn't we have our own land?
annanymouslizard (11:48:45 PM): i dont know
annanymouslizard (11:49:00 PM): lol because i thought of an anna land first
erwinandfire04 (11:49:15 PM): hahahah ooookay
annanymouslizard (11:49:22 PM): so if there's an anna land, how can there be an erwin and joe land?!
erwinandfire04 (11:50:00 PM): because there's a tomorrowland
annanymouslizard (11:50:02 PM): would it be impossible for those two lands to exist?! erwinandfire04 (11:50:03 PM): and frontierland
annanymouslizard (11:50:06 PM): or co-exist
annanymouslizard (11:50:07 PM): hahah
erwinandfire04 (11:50:10 PM): why???
annanymouslizard (11:50:13 PM): wait so we'd be part of a bigger land
annanymouslizard (11:50:15 PM): like Godland?!
erwinandfire04 (11:50:17 PM): YES.
annanymouslizard (11:50:36 PM): okay
annanymouslizard (11:50:38 PM): sounds good to me
erwinandfire04 (11:50:43 PM): hahah
erwinandfire04 (11:50:44 PM): coooooooool
erwinandfire04 (11:50:45 PM): hey
erwinandfire04 (11:50:47 PM): you should blog about this
erwinandfire04 (11:50:47 PM): kthx.

you can count on me / i will be there for you / when it seems all your hopes and dreams are a million miles away / i will reassure you / we've got to all stick together / good friends there for each other / never ever forget that i've got you and you've got me so reach for the stars!

Do I sense a new myspace song coming on? I love it. S Club 7 is cool. It's FJ's fault for mentioning it to me today. But she's my cousin so I forgive her. So I'm home for Mother's Day weekend! YAY. Even though I'm full, I keep eating because my mom keeps feeding me. It's the life and yet it's gross.

I went on Homeless Outreach for the second time today. It was just as humbling as the first time. I didn't feel like talking earlier so I'm sorry for not sharing this story when we were in the circle. I passed out a lunch to this one lady sitting down on the street. She was perfectly content with all her life's belongings laid across the part of the sidewalk that she occupied. I gave her the bag and as I was leaving she told me not to be afraid... "You can talk to me, don't be scared." So she explained that she was from up north and proceeded to say how she got into a car accident and she was planning on "going home." She said she was leaving for San Francisco soon. I told her that I liked her purple shirt (it had San Francisco written on it). I asked her for her name and told her my name. I think the exchange of names is one of the most important signs of intimacy between two people. It's a mutual acknowledgement of each other's existence in the world. Even though our conversation didn't last long, meeting Andrea was yet another life experience. Her ambition and persistence to leave the "waiting place" that she was in at this moment represented a powerful type of hope that not everyone has unfortunately. When she told me not to be afraid, at first I was ashamed... ashamed by my initial disregard for her as a person. I just handed her the bag and walked away...a little scared to get too close. It's sort of like the way we sometimes approach God. We come to him and give Him a part of our hearts, or a small part of us but we fail to fully give our whole selves to Him. Do not be afraid to approach Him and share yourself with Him. I saw Him in Andrea today, in the woman urging me to come and talk to her. It was another good homeless outreach despite Bernie and I oversleeping and waking up at 7:30 instead of 6:45. Thanks Meechy for the 3 delicious cookies and thanks Erwin for taking me and Bernie home.

When other first years start to join in on the "make fun of Anna" thing, that is how you know it's bad. Anyway, after Homeless Outreach, my mom, dad, brother and I went to AJ's 15th and Jiles' 7th birthday party where they had a jumphouse and DDR and a tv which my 6 older guy cousins used to watch basketball games. I felt really old! 19! Gross. Franny Jo and I listened to High School Musical, Joey McIntyre, and Jordan Knight on her iPod. There is a huge lack of girls on my dad's side of the family. They also had a chocolate fountain. Kuya Lionel told me to dip my lumpia in it and I did. It was ehhh haha but lumpia is always good regardless. No annoying questions were asked today. I think it's because other people took the spotlight. We left the family party early because Alex had to go to a concert... well to Barkada Night to watch Passion and Kai perform. He's still there. I'm about to do homework because my mom just bought a phone card... She's going to call my aunt in the Philippines and I'm pretty sure that means that I won't be able to go online for a while.

So I'm going to end this entry. Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Tell your moms how much you love and appreciate them, even though you should be doing that like everyday. Happy Mothers' Day to all the mommies! :) I'm sleepy.

My second homeless outreach tomorrow or today I don't know. All the oldies went to sleep and I'd be sleeping too but I took a 2 hour nap at 8 so I'm still pretty well rested. I choose to blog. Tonight I took a nap after we went to Target and then I took a shower and then I did laundry and read a humcore book. Very productive. Now Bernie's been taking the longest nap ever and she's not even in her PJ's yet. To wake her up or not to wake her up, what does a roommate do? She looks so peaceful. I don't want to wake her up because what if she can't fall asleep again after she gets ready for bed? I'll contemplate on it while I blog.

I'm starting to like this vulnerability... it seems to pave the way for stronger friendships. But then there's this part of me that detests it and wants to stay distant from such openness. The more attached you get to people, the harder it is when you have to part ways. The end of the year is fast approaching and I don't even want to think about saying goodbye, even if it's for just the summer. I never thought it'd be this hard. I mean I've only known my UCI friends for a year but it seems like I've known them forever. I'm gonna miss Vistans, my roomie, and the logger's... and even though a majority of the seniors are probably going to stay in Irvine next year, I still feel like I'm gonna miss them. It makes me sad. I know, me out of all people right? haha. Despite all the teasing and jokes, I really do admire them and look up to them...they're definitely heroes in my book and that's not even limited to the seniors but to the 2nd and 3rd years, alums, and my fellow first years. I've learned so much from them and I think I've grown quite a bit in my faith and I owe a lot of it to the people around me, who have proven to be true reflections of Him. So summer's coming up and it means leaving behind my college set of families for my own family and my high school family. I'm happy but I'm sad...ambivalence. But why am I feeling so sad right now? There's practically a month left, granted, a majority of it will probably be spent worrying about finals and grades, but it's a whole month left of hall dinners and activities, Tuesday meetings, commons/ brandywine lunches, Del Taco runs, get-togethers, and fun times. Yay! Okay I'm excited and I shall end this now because I don't want to think about the future at this moment... Participate don't anticipate. I miss Kairos. Peace out.

me: It's only 1:25am and you're going to sleep! You can't hang?!
Alex: That's why you're getting eyebags.

So true. I miss my brother A LOT, more than I'd like to admit. I like talking to him on the phone. I just had a 49 minute conversation with him. Who knew that our siblingness would end up like this? Before we'd fight like crazy and now we're pretty cool with each other. I thank him for a lot of things, especially for playing hip hop all the time so that it made me more familiar with it...if it were up to me, we'd be playing pop non-stop HAHA or not. "See... I told you hip hop had more substance to it than just drugs, hoes, and cash." This is the reason he got into UCLA. Anyway enough of this raving about my brother who doesn't even read my blog so what's the point?!

It's been a long day and I didn't even do anything! Let's see, I went to mass and ate lunch at interfaith and then it was like first year girls day. I hung out with them from 2pm to 10pm. We laughed, we cried, we sang, we died... of laughter. jk. But it was a much needed venting/talking session. Yay for friends. Little by little my walls have been coming down. I guess I'm starting to like it. Then I got a call from Kim and I talked to her for a bit. I miss her. Summer's coming up and I plan on hanging out with a lot of old friends. I chatted online with Caitlin! She might visit tomorrow. She's back from NYU!

Um I haven't read yet nor have I caught up with the things I promised myself I'd catch up with. Maybe tomorrow? Hopefully. It's time to buckle down. Week 7 is fast approaching and so with this I shall list my things to do in hopes of accomplishing most of them, if not all of them soon. It's also a way of making my to do list less intimidating because I can see it:

- Study for Brain Dysfunction hardcore. Get notes from the May 3rd class I missed from Avi.
- Pick my topic for my Humcore research paper by this weekend.
- Write an Ideas paragraph with one possible primary source and one possible secondary source for Monday May 15th.
- Copy Humcore notes from Avi for the May 3rd Humcore class I missed.
- Read for Hip Hop Cinema and post on the noteboard for Sunday's readings and the readings I haven't posted for I guess.

I know it's up to me what I should write about but I like input so survey time. So I'm going to give you a couple of topics I'm thinking about and you tell me what you think I should do:
1. The beginnings of L.A. hip hop (what should my thesis/ direction for this topic be?)
2. The Hollywood/ L.A. influences on the Asians' or other races' efforts to assimilate into American culture through emulating or transforming themselves to fit the American standard of beauty.
3. Online communities like facebook.com and myspace.com (even though a lot of people are probably gonna do this one too).

So help a friend out and tell me what you think. I'll love you forever... maybe. Oh school. I hate you. That wasn't too nice. I'm sorry. I strongly dislike you.

Did I read? Not really. But I did read magazines that my mom got me if that counts at all. One day I'm going to try the not talking thing again and see if it works.

annanymouslizard (11:49:39 PM): haha like my away message?
iniwuslykei (11:49:52 PM): HAHAH JERK
iniwuslykei (11:49:57 PM): BUT GO AHEAD
iniwuslykei (11:50:03 PM): SHOW EVERYONE HOW SELFISH U ARE WITH MEE
iniwuslykei (11:50:04 PM): HAHAH
annanymouslizard (11:50:23 PM): im so not selfish.
iniwuslykei (11:50:55 PM): LOL THEN WHY AM I STARVING HEREE?
annanymouslizard (11:51:56 PM): cause SOMEONE'S too lazy to buy yummy $1 cookie sandwiches at diddy reese
annanymouslizard (11:52:00 PM): THAT'S WHY
iniwuslykei (11:54:15 PM): nooo
iniwuslykei (11:54:24 PM): its because SOMEONES too selfish to give me some FREE onesiniwuslykei (11:54:25 PM): hahaha
annanymouslizard (11:54:48 PM): hahaha it's because someone's too far away for me to give her my free ones AND because someone didn't ask for them ahead of time
iniwuslykei (11:55:12 PM): because SOMEONE didnt tell me about them
iniwuslykei (11:55:32 PM): and if she was kind enough..she WOULD go out of her way to SHARE
iniwuslykei (11:55:34 PM): hahahha
annanymouslizard (11:55:35 PM): because someone didn't know that someone wanted cookies
annanymouslizard (11:55:50 PM): hahah because someone was too cool to im someone in the first place
iniwuslykei (11:56:10 PM): then someones not exactly a good friend of marjorys because all of marjorys friends know how shes always hungryyy
iniwuslykei (11:56:27 PM): someone doesnt know that like the phone..aim works both waysiniwuslykei (11:56:28 PM): hhahahahhah
iniwuslykei (11:58:10 PM): hahah cant beat me suckaaa

It's funny how much my IH friends have in common with a lot of my new friends:

annanymouslizard (12:01:03 AM): but you did hurt my feelings :-(
annanymouslizard (12:01:06 AM): loool
iniwuslykei (12:02:48 AM): haha shut uppp
iniwuslykei (12:02:50 AM): ur tougher than that
iniwuslykei (12:02:54 AM): hahah suck it up!!

Those last two lines sound strangely familiar. Girls AND boys are mean hahah just kidding Marj ...sort of. Anyway I'm really tired. I don't want to do homework ever! I want to go home and sleep my worries away. Yes indeed. This is gonna be a boring entry because I don't know what to say. I'm just blogging to kill time. That's always fun. More updates to come tomorrow because I'm contemplating on taking a shower right now. PEACE.

...feeling my highs, and my lows in my soul...

Look at the time! It's only 10:46! It's so early. Due to positive peer pressure I am at my dorm, about to read, but blogging instead. Oh the life of a first year, living it up...or not haha. That's okay. I'm supposed to catch up with stuff anyway. If it weren't for my fellow first years' assertiveness, I probably would've said yes. But I didn't. So now I'm here to entertain you with my "interesting" stories. Yes!

So I guess I'll start off with my "highs" and my "lows"...highs include sleeping in because I had no classes today, having no classes today, eating at brandywine for lunch with the twin for the first time in days, brandywine having double chocolate chip cookies, the liwanag meeting, seeing friends who I haven't seen in days, coming home early enough to attempt to read, and that's all. My lows are not reading for Humcore, not deciding on a research paper topic yet, falling behind on brain dysfunction, eating an unsatisfying dinner at commons (a dinner that ended up being a hot dog and a bowl of fruit because the baja shrimp tasted weird and so did the noodles), worrying about financial aid, and the end. I think I should list my "highs" all the time because it makes me feel good about my day.

Today was another good meeting. Yay St. Bernadette family. I remember watching the Song of St. Bernadette at Immac. I like her story. Her faith is amazing; she's now practically one of my role models of faith. Be not afraid to have faith in what you don't understand. I already have enough trouble just having faith in what I do understand sometimes; trusting the unfamiliar is another one of those things that I have to work on. People fear what they don't know, I know I do, and St. Bernadette instead decided to invest her faith in what she didn't know despite her fears. Help me to be more childlike...as St. Bernadette was. She was truly a child of God, who He worked through. It goes back to what I learned about in Humcore... that concept of faith versus deeds. Paul emphasized the importance of faith. Even though the nun had inflicted pain upon herself in order to suffer for Him and had done things that she believed would make her worthy of Him, the Lady appeared to the innocent and pure child instead. Her lack of skepticism and ability to embrace the visions she saw without hesitance is the definition of love and the embodiment of faith. I can only hope that my faith can grow as strong as hers.

In other news, I'm hungry. My mom might come to visit tomorrow to pick up the digital camera so that my brother can use it for prom this Friday. And she's probably going to bring me some food! Hooray! No commons for dinner tomorrow.

I wish I could go to Homeless Outreach this Saturday. I really want to go. But family first right? Plus I ditched my little cousin's 14th birthday party last year due to debut practices so I'm not sure if I have an excuse this year. Who knows? It's either that or going to some high school Barkada PCN thing with my brother and his friends to see Passion perform. What to do, what to do. My dad's really set on the family togetherness though so we'll see.

Umm... what else? I don't know. As we're nearing the end of the year, I've seen so many changes in myself and in others, a majority of those changes have been for the better. So let's keep the good ones coming. I think I've grown a lot. If you think otherwise, you might just have to take my word for it. Less reliant, more independent. But also more reliant on Him or at least that's what I'm aiming for...to take control of my life but not control it... if that makes sense. The middle of week six. This is crazy. I wish I could be a first year just a little while longer, until I'm one hundred percent sure of what I want to do or who I want to be or how I want to live. I have this feeling that I'm still going to be on the same boat of uncertainty that next year's freshmen are going to be in and that is scary. I thought that being a year older would be the equivalent of being a year wiser. I have doubts about that. Am I ready for the new challenges that I'm going to confront and for the new opportunities that are coming my way? I hope so. I'm lost and I definitely don't understand nor even know what to expect in terms of the future. Please guide me and help me to be not afraid of what I don't understand. Please help everyone, especially this year's seniors to achieve that same sense of faith that St. Bernadette had as well. Help us to walk the unpaved roads ahead of us with true faith in You. And that is all. Good night!

I'm "super" happy. I got an A- on my HumCore midterm! :) What makes it even better is that I thought I did really bad on it but yay! That was the highlight of my otherwise gloomy and uneventful day. I had to walk to class by myself because Avi's at Disneyland. I think I want to write my HumCore research paper on something that has to do with L.A. Help me come up with ideas! So far I've been thinking along the lines of Hollywood and my friend told me to write about L.A. hip hop, but I don't know. If you think of a REALLY good idea for me, it would be much appreciated. I don't want to bribe you though so do it out of your own free will because you want to help me out. If you do, you're really nice! Thanks!

UGH Commons just keeps getting worse and worse. Now they won't even let us take our purses inside, regardless of the size! My friend who takes her small purse to Commons everyday had to put it in a locker! Can you believe that? I hope that that's not the case for Brandywine otherwise, no one's going to be able to get cookies. I'm sorry in advance.

Good job to the 05-06 PCN cast!! Last night I watched my very first PCN. It made me want to be in it. I wish I was as coordinated as a lot of those people. Then I had breakfast for dinner at IHOP because I was hungry and Commons was closed.

While I was walking to class today, I had my hoodie on and a rock or something really hard fell on my head! I started laughing but I was by myself so no one saw it happen except for me. When I looked around to see what fell on my head, I found nothing. WEIRD. Things of that nature only happen to me.

So while I was away, I got this IM from my old friend Marjory today:
marj the ucla student who doesn't do laundry (12:39:50 PM): who does their own laundryyyyy??? hahahha

So yes I have to do my laundry today because I forgot to do it over the weekend. Luckily I have a lot of clothes so it's not like I'm running out.

I'm tired. We watched a movie about tourettes during Brain Dysfunction. That is all. Oh yeah and we're gonna watch a Spike Lee film during Hip Hop Cinema today. Fun times!

Edit @ 10:19pm: I just got off the phone with my brother. We spent a good 40 minutes catching up on things. To think it started with him calling me to tell me that one of the shows that I had loved as a kid, 7th Heaven, ended tonight. How sad. I didn't even get to watch it. So he told me what happened on the last 5 minutes of it because that's all he watched. Then we got into a good talk about college and stuff. He's a good kid. Kid! haha he's not a kid. He's turning 18 this month. We could practically be twins or not. Family is cool. Siblings are cool too.

Prayers for everyone. Let's hope the gloomy weather ends soon.

P.S. Also, on the way to class this morning, one of my family leaders whose name begins with an E, decided to sneak up behind me and scare me. I didn't scream and instead turned around and said, "you're mean! i hate you" but I didn't mean it. I don't hate you Erwin. I'm sorry. Don't scare me again please!

Too much caffeine today, just a little. I'm really tired. Jen, Bernie, and I just got back from Theresa's surprise birthday party at Game Works and it brought back so many memories of my birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese's and Discovery Zone. Fun times! So we ended up leaving Irvine around 1:30 and we got to Ontario Mills around 2:30. Then we met up with my old h.s. friends. We were even sitting in this party room that was all set up for her with a chocolate birthday cake and Game Works kids' cups and everything. Each of us got a game card (worth an hour and a half of games) to use after we ate pizza, pasta, and salad. But the kids' party next to us had hot dogs and chips. The pasta was good. Theresa was very surprised. Good job Danny! I liked the shooting games. I got up to the highest level and beat the big boss. Bernie can attest to that. I think I spent too much time on that game. When I had to enter my name though, I didn't know how to do it so I ended up spelling out MEM instead of my initials hahahaha. Yeah that was my funny story of the day. Around 6:30-7 we left Ontario and headed back to Irvine and then ate dinner at In 'n Out. We were sitting at the tables and I put my feet on the empty chair across from me and started swinging the chair and the big security guard who had nothing better to do grinned and motioned for me to put my feet down. That was probably the biggest offense that he had to correct for the day. Of course I followed directions obediently. I really felt like a kid. Not to mention my order of animal fries was completely forgotten. They had gotten all the way to number 9 without calling number 92 so I had to ask one of the workers to get my order ready. Luckily I don't have a bad temper or else I would've been angry. I was sad though. Bernie and Jen were halfway through eating by the time I actually got my food. So that was my lovely Saturday. I'm really tired. I ate too much this weekend already. Ugh. Now I have to do homework. I know, what fun right?!

Two or three nights ago I had this weird dream. So it involved me and my family leaders, Erwin and Joe and we were using the computers in some computer lab (maybe I dreamt of computer labs because I've been to a couple of different NACS lately lol). Anyway one of them got an IM from Krizia, one of my old 8th grade classmates who I never really talked to in the first place. She said, "why doesn't Anna hang out with me or talk to me anymore? The only time she talks to me is when she needs me." And that was the end of my dream. Does that mean I'm neglecting my old friends? Does it mean that I'm a bad friend? Who knows?! I feel bad whenever I think about it. Balance... I need to learn how to balance everything.

My phone is acting up again so I'm sorry if you can hear me but I can't hear you. I apologize in advance. It works but it's acting up so I don't know if I'm gonna change it yet (I'd probably get the same phone, knowing my mom). So you can still call me. Thanks. Bye!

Thanks for the Archie comic roomie haha. Today was free comic book day so Bernie and Christine got some free comic books from that store across the street. Yes, random I know.

Well tomorrow my past and present again collides... but instead of reverting back to the past by attending IHM elementary school's Alumni Day and IHHS's centennial celebration, I'm going to PCN. I'm kinda sad about missing the IH open house. I hope Gia takes pictures for me, especially if she meets famous alumnae. Yeah ok really this is the end. It's just that I keep coming up with things to say after I post so I'm continuously adding things. But I really think I'm done, so homework it is.

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY BELLAMAY!

Dejavu! It's been a year since my A.P. English Lit test and today, a year later, I had to take a Humcore midterm. Oh timed writing...I can never escape it. I hope that I at least got a B on my humcore midterm. I felt indifferent while I was taking it. I care but I don't but I do! WHY?! It was okay I guess. I didn't put "you got this" on my blue book because I didn't know if my new TA would've appreciated it so I just wrote "good luck"...same thing right? Whatever. Midterms are finally over for me until Week 7: Brain Dysfunction ugh!

Last year on Cinco De Mayo, Diana, Margie and I took the metro to Olvera Street after our AP exam. I vividly remember talking about how things would be the next year (which is now). We said we would go again this year but that's not happening. It's okay maybe during the summer. There's only so much you can do there anyway.

Today is Friday. YAY! I'm just killing time until I get to go to the Vendor Fair with Bellamay. I need to get my brother a birthday gift and I guess I could find one there.

I hope everyone who's feeling really sick right now feels better soon!! :) Get lots of rest and drink lots of water. Next week is week 6! You know what that means? 4 more weeks of my freshman year of college! SCARY. Ok bye!

Edited @ 9:04 p.m.
So many awkward moments today or I guess saying that they were awkward made them awkward but whatever. We had Coldstone ice cream. I tried "our strawberry blonde" for the first time. It was good. I like graham crackers (but not as much as cookies lol). I told Bellamay, Bernie, and Janice that I wanted to be cool and Janice said that I was hopeless. It made me sad for a little while :( and then I got over it because Kathee said that she'd give me a "cool card." That would be the greatest invention ever if it actually existed. The happy birthday song kills me. I think it's the singer's accent that makes me laugh or maybe it's the fact that it's played on a tiny speaker above the table or maybe it's just the entire thing itself. I don't know! I told Frances I wasn't gonna blog about this but it's too funny not to blog about. I always get weird fortunes from fortune cookies... today it said, "people are naturally attracted to you." HAHAHAH funny huh? Yeah I know, don't rub it in. It's totally untrue. Anyway I got a cool new necklace from the last vendor fair of the year. You should see it some time, really. I'm sad that I can't go tomorrow. I'm sorry.

My emotions have been fluctuating a lot recently. I don't know why. I personally think it's the end of the year that's making me feel this way. But I'm not sure. All I know is that I don't like it very much. I feel really sad right now and I don't want to be. Maybe it's also because Bernie's playing depressing music...she was playing Alanis Morrissette earlier. Ugh. I need to shake this feeling off somehow. I think it has a lot to do with this summer and the future and just the direction of my life in general. What am I going to do with myself? And moving back home again for the summer? How is that transition going to be? Change kills me.

Another excerpt from my old blog:
written on Thursday, Sept. 15, 2005, @ 11:53 a.m..


I was a more insightful blogger last year in comparison to this year. I don't know what triggered this sudden sadness. But oh well, it'll pass soon I'm sure. Growing up brings a lot of these "down in the dumps" sort of feelings. Please pray for my family, especially my brother who's experiencing his own college dilemmas right now. Thanks! Have a good weekend everyone! :)

Happy Birthday Theresa aka Chua aka Theresa Chua!!! 18 Yay! I miss seeing you at school.
Happy Birthday Rica! I hope you get lots of gifts and points today and that all your birthday wishes come true and that He blesses you with many more! You're awesome.

In regards to what I was doing:
annanymouslizard (8:02:09 PM): umm deciding whether to start studying for humcore or blog.
amay481 (8:02:39 PM): blog...u haven't blogged, i've checked it twice today

So because Bellamay kindly (the use of that adverb is questionable) asked me to blog, I guess I will. I'm feeling quite gloomy today, kinda like the weather. The weather doesn't know whether to be hot or cold. It should make up its mind soon. It's deceiving me and I don't like it. I also don't like how gross I'm feeling. I don't know how to explain it. I just feel "blah."

I loved Mary Magdalene family's meeting last night (not that I didn't like St. Francis' or my own family meeting because I did). But I think that I just really needed to focus on working on that idea of forgiveness. Last night we broke into families and I had to answer this question...along the lines of when was it really hard to forgive someone and how did you overcome that difficulty and eventually forgive that person... I thought about it and I knew my answer immediately but it wasn't easy for me to share it because I realized that I hadn't forgiven that person yet. The heavy burden that I thought had gone away came rushing back to me. Just when I thought I had gotten over all the disappointment and sadness surrounding that whole situation, I was again confronted by it. When it came my turn to talk I felt like crying but I didn't know why. I didn't want to cry about it. It's been a couple of years since it happened so I thought I was fine. I have no idea why I got so emotional over it. But then I remember that I never fully resolved the problem... we all just brushed it off. So now I ask Him for the courage to swallow my pride and face this problem that has probably been continuously resurfacing but that I have been constantly trying to ignore. I've gotten past the anger and the hurt. I just want to be able to come to that sense of closure. It's so hard to put things back together again and I don't expect these broken pieces to fit together perfectly but I want to at least make the effort to try and put them together.

Speaking of broken pieces, I broke the paper with my name on it into SOO many pieces. I felt bad for Larson because he had to piece them together and glue them onto the paper. While everyone else had broken them into like 4 pieces, mine amounted to about 10. Pretty sad. I didn't know that we were going to put them together afterwards. Does that mean I'm broken literally and figuratively? Perhaps.

Ok maybe not. I'm not emo. It's just one of those days, really. I'm glad I got over with 2 ugly midterms. One more! I'm frustrated with this quarter. Spring hates me. But I told Bernie that I'd be optimistic so YAY FOR SPRING QUARTER!

Wow this is really turning into a long blog. I don't even have to blog anymore. I'm exceeding that 7 blog entry goal. Where are my 7 Diddy Reese cookies GP?! Thanks! and I guess I have to thank Dean for the long overdue cookie (even though it was probably from Brandywine but hey, we're supposed to forgive) lol.

I had no idea that we get free blue books and scantrons from the Mesa Rec center! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! I paid a dollar for 4 of them at the bookstore earlier! Why didn't I know this at the beginning of the year?? Anyway I'm now stocking up on blue books and scantrons so if you need any and you want free blue books because you value your quarters, I have a growing supply of them.

I'm getting excited about the project. If you're one of the coolest people ever, you know about it. If not, too bad ;)

I'm really bad. I ditched two classes today to catch up on sleep and study a little more :X Don't worry I'll have my priorities straight starting next week! I hope humcore doesn't kill me on Friday. I think my wrists are getting weirder because of my constant use of the computer. Not good. The hip hop cinema midterm was also not too good... especially the last essay question. I really had to use the BS "cap" on that one. GROSS. I wrote "good luck" on Erwin's blue book and I was gonna write "you got this" but he didn't let me finish so it just ended up saying, "good luck! you go." hahaha

Umm, that is all, peace :)
Praying for everyone! Emo kids need prayers too!

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY AND I HOPE THIS BLOG'S LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU BELLAMAY! Consider it your birthday gift... just kidding lol.