I used to care so much about what others think about / Almost didn’t have a thought of my own / The slightest remark would make me embark / On the journey of self doubt / But that was a while ago/ This girl has got stronger / If I knew then what I know now I would have told myself don’t worry any longer it's OK

'cause a face without freckles is like a sky without stars
Why waste a second not loving who you are
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable,
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

this is my first post as a twenty-one year old. it's weird to type that. wow twenty-one. growing up, turning 21 seemed unfathomable... it was so far away but now that it's here, i can't imagine being any age but the age i am now. i remember last year i was so upset over turning 20. i think that was a more emotional transition for me than going from 20 to 21. i have no idea why.

21's gonna be a good year because it's another year to learn, another year to grow, another year to serve, another year to love.

something i've realized about being twenty-one or being a young adult in general is that i am well aware of my weaknesses. i know what i have trouble doing. i know what i struggle with. i know what i lack. i know where i fall short. i know the areas of my life that have room for improvement... not only do i know my weaknesses, but i've also come to accept them. these weaknesses make me the person that i am today. they've helped me grow. they've given me thicker skin and stronger shoulders. i've become a better person for dealing with these weaknesses & still managing to make the most out of what He's given me. i've learned that everything in life is what you make it out to be. i know that i make mistakes, i know that i mess up, i know that i am capable of hurting others with my words & my actions, i know that i'm imperfect... but that imperfection makes me human. i am a young woman who no longer wishes to be someone else. i am FINALLY comfortable with myself & with who i am. what's the point in wanting to be like other people when He's calling you to be yourself?

lately, rather than dwell on my faults, i've made more of an effort to focus on my good qualities... on the things i can offer, the things i can contribute to the world, to my friends, to this family that's given so much to me already, to You. i am humbled... so very humbled... that i've grown this much, that i've gotten this far, that i've gotten past the awkwardness, the indecisiveness (sometimes), the "i don't knows", the "i think so's", and the "maybe's" that have followed me along the way. it's amazing what a difference 1 year makes, let alone 3 years... You are seriously a miracle worker because if You had told me where I would be at the end of my college career...I would never have believed it. AMAZING! thank You for trusting in me.

i want to make things right.
i want you to be happy.
i want to make you smile.
i want you to belong.
i want you to feel Loved.
i want to be Love.

i pray that everything I do is done in Love. that's all i wished for on my 21st birthday & if it so happens that what i do brings happiness to others, then that's more than alright with me.

i'm so grateful for the friends that i've gained throughout this journey. thank you for the greetings & the love. it is sooooo much appreciated.

I LOVE YOU!

hi i'm anna & i'm a 21 year old third year :)

i miss you!

prayers & love always!
<3annalizard

Labels: 21

out of nowhere. i have no real reason to feel threatened but i do. it has the power to encroach upon all aspects of my life, every part of my routine. swept out from under me? i haven't been so open to it & now that it's happening i fear it. what's going to happen? will things ever be the same? will this be taken away from us? will it be versus or and? ... it should be and. i want it to be "and" but i'm only human. i'm bound to prefer one thing over another, bound to have my own ties, bound to fall short... i need to remember to be LOVE. it's so hard though when being Love means sacrificing something you love. i don't want to make it out to be bad. it's just scary. am i thinking too far ahead of myself? i'd like to think i am. but with the future... everything's so uncertain.

so
who is it? who is this "it" that i'm referring to?
it's change, of course... my best friend & my worst enemy and it's occurring in a number of ways, in a number of situations, in a number of things.

my head is telling me if you can't beat them, join them.

i need to pray pray pray &

be active, not passive. how hard is that to do?!

paper time :/

p.s. happyeight.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
stupid paper.

today was all a blur. the end.

i'm not together but i'm getting there.

Mark's a smart guy and "life is good" is my new mantra... i need to be chill like mark.

i'm super sleepy despite waking up around 11 or 12 and i can only imagine how sleepy kirs, brenton, will, adrian, & kim are feeling... and everyone else who went on retreat for that matter.

it was my first winter retreat ever. despite having nothing to compare it to, i'd have to say it was an incredible experience that i am truly grateful for. it was definitely good in every sense of the word. it was an eye-opening reminder of the past, a reflection of the present, and a glimpse into the future, not just of my personal life & experiences but of LoG. i did a lot of thinking this weekend and i got to know so many people on a more intimate level. it's a new generation and it gives me hope for next year :) my first winter retreat was probably unlike most people's first winter retreats because i'm a third year, because i'm in core, because i was a participant slash leader. but He has plans for me... for us...and who am i to question why i was called to miss out on my first two opportunities to go? i'm so used to being led, to having people to follow... but when the tables are turned and when i think about how things will be a year from now, i can't help but feel scared. i trust You but sometimes i don't trust myself. i think the most beautiful part of this weekend was the vulnerability, the openness, the willingness to expose ourselves at our lowest, at our most shameful, at our weakest. there's beauty in the struggle, beauty in the brokenness, beauty in the breakdown & for someone to step into the light takes a lot of courage. thank you for sharing yourself with me. thank You for allowing me to carry Your cross.

Praise God for imperfections, for brokenness, for struggles, for St. John's, for prayer buddies, for this weekend... i place my life in Your hands.

p.s. meet my friend, Mr. Teddy Bear :D isn't he cute? i got pwnd. EXCEPT brenton didn't get him shoes :( hahaha he's still cute without them! hahah.

and i'm dumb. i feel very dumbbbbbb.

dghasklgjasdkgjsdlkgaslkdg. dean & joe & probably jonas are laughing at me right now.

and i should be sleeping... but i can't. i've got a lot on my mind:

the paper/field notes due this coming friday,
the retreat this weekend,
& believe it or not, next year.

because guess what guys? i'm gonna be one of the oldest people!

HAHAHAHA. i know right. it's funny. it's unbelievable too.

but tonight i realized how AWESOME next year is gonna be. this year has been awesome but next year... man talk about transition...' 09, 2010 & 2011 in full effect :) i'm pretty excited. all these new faces make me excited. they give me something to look forward to. AHHHHH!!!

more later bc i should sleep.

gnight!

Come, Holy Spirit, Divine Creator, true source of light and fountain of wisdom! Pour forth your brilliance upon my dense intellect, dissipate the darkness which covers me, that of sin and of ignorance. Grant me a penetrating mind to understand, a retentive memory, method and ease in learning, the lucidity to comprehend, and abundant grace in expressing myself. Guide the beginning of my work, direct its progress, and bring it to successful completion. This I ask through Jesus Christ, true God and true man, living and reigning with You and the Father, forever and ever.
Amen.
_St. Thomas Aquinas

tomorrow, more like today is gonna try me... but that won't keep me from trying... trying my best at that! yeahhhhhh midterms!

i've been living at csl & i'm not complaining.

thank You for this focus.


prayers please! :)

me: did you know that people living over one hundred are called centenarians? i didn't know that.
dumo: yeah the number of centenarians is increasing each year.
me: OMG that's almost exactly what my textbook says... "the number of centenarians is increasing at a rate of approximately 7 percent each year."

dumo's practically a walking textbook. lol. back to studying.

Hayden Christensen & Rachel Bilson are my new favorite celebrity couple. She has such good taste in guys... first Adam Brody and now Hayden. I am officially jealous. Btw, Hayden & Adam were my main celebrity crushes in high school... aside from Justin Timberlake because he's a given <3 I also still love Zac :) He & Vanessa are cute as a couple (at least i think so) This post is soooo meaningless hahah. whatever. YAY paper's done! only like 3-4 more to go...i'm sleepy.



P.S. Happy birthday to my Auntie Didi! :)

Labels: adam brody, hayden christensen, rachel bilson

So Lent is here once again and I am unprepared once again... even moreso than last year. I don't know what it is about junior year but I am having such a difficult time juggling all the things on my plate. It's a balancing act for sure. My problem is that I tend to focus so much on one aspect of my life that I neglect everything else. Sometimes I wonder if I'm spreading myself too thin but how do I actually measure that? Honestly, I feel like I've got a hold on life right now... I feel more in control of my present & my future that the lack of balance isn't bothering me at the moment.

My Lenten sacrifice is going to be vague but applicable to every part of my day to day routine: looking beyond my Calvary. I intentionally decided not to narrow down my Lenten promise and say I'm going to do this & this & this... I think coming up with a theme to live by is a more realistic way for me to walk this path with Him for the next forty days. Looking beyond my Calvary is anything from opting to have lunch with a friend I haven't talked to in a while rather than having lunch by myself crammed in the study lounge... to using the minutes I waste on mindless distractions like facebook to pray or go to daily mass instead... to taking the time to call my parents rather than refusing to pry myself away from the books. It might not seem like it but I've been more selfish than selfless lately. I used to be more concerned about other things besides school & work... There are ups & downs to everything. The ups include... my newfound motivation to work harder & put more effort into not just getting by but in excelling academically, my so far productive career search, & my involvement in different activities... The downs include the lack of effort & energy I've put into strengthening my faith or doing things to strengthen my prayer life, my lack of constant communication with my family, & my frequent decision to keep to myself... I've been boring in that way.

I know this journey is going to be difficult but I find comfort & refuge in knowing that I am not walking alone. He's been there every step of the way. It's up to me to be there for Him... and for you. It's the very least I can do.

I seek nothing but to be closer to You, Lord God.

... & I will be complete in You.


sidenote: i'm also giving up french fries. GO ME!

Labels: french fries, lent

happy_ natasha bedingfield

Ooh.. Oooooohhh.
Landlords Knocking at my door cussing me out
Got laid off my job the night before
Can’t figure how
I’m gonna fix tomorrow away
If today’s still a mess
Can u tell me what’s the point man,
It all seems meaningless
I wish that I could step away and breathe
This world’s trying to swallow me
Clear away the clouds inside my head

Someone just tell me
That it’s ok now
What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

People lie, people hide, people cry, people fight

And they don’t know why
If fear is all that we should fear
Then what are we so afraid of
Cause fear is only in our heads

Someone please say...

Any day ill go bad thinking bad
Everyone is against me and the world wants to fight me
Preparing to battle an enemy unseen
During my stressing I’m blinded to the lesson
That could be a blessing if Id be confessing that the enemy
I’m trying to beat is hiding inside of me

But it’s ok now...what are you worrying about...

Keep your grind on girl...it’s your love, it’s your world...

... the motion sickness & nausea, that is.

still have lots to do.

still have lots to pray for.

still have lots to be thankful for.

still have lots.

:)

so why complain?

btw, happy 22nd birthday brenton michael! :)

peace!

i'm annoyed and i'm at the peak of my irritation level right now.

i'm annoyed by my 1 month old printer that doesn't work,
by unnecessary phone calls,
by waiting in general,
& by people who think they're the center of the universe.

just thought i'd throw that last one in for kicks.

yay class!

yay february!

happy birthday janice & khrystyn! :)

"Pisces Daily Horoscope
Go to: Yesterday | Tomorrow
Friday, February 1
You are going a bit over the top with that "workaholic" streak you have been indulging in lately. You need to get some space, some perspective, to get away from your work so you can see the forest for the trees, so you can leverage that hard work to greater benefit."