I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it...but it's all about You.

I haven't written one of these long blogs in a while so I'm gonna try and get in the blogging mood again. I think I owe it to you. Cool.

Life is life. It's got its up's and down's but there's nothing that's completely hopeless or unmanageable. Somehow He finds a way to carry me through it. Penney and I talked about this past summer... it was a time of unforeseen growth and transition. It's like we went into the summer thinking that we knew what we were getting ourselves into or maybe not even thinking too much of it but boy, were we wrong. This summer was so difficult but so rewarding. I thought I knew who I was at the beginning of this summer but He showed me otherwise. Continuously growing... oh the middle. It's quite the experience. I'm still iffy about a lot of things. I'm still uncertain of myself, more often than I'd like to be but I'm certain that He's provided me with a family of friends to help guide me through all this uncertainty. Moving forward, the first few weeks of school have been... trying. I'm still adjusting to the new year. If there's anything I've learned so far, it's that it's so easy to forget; it's so easy to shrug things off; it's so easy to neglect...to neglect your responsibilities, to neglect the people in your life, to neglect yourself, and to neglect Him. I've found myself dwelling on how much I've disappointed Him with my selfishness, with my laziness, and with my unwillingness to take those tiny steps that will lead me closer to Him... I've treated His invitation as an obligation rather than a sign of love. I don't know. I feel so unworthy. Last night's meeting was just the boost I needed. I can feel my fire being re-lit. Sitting beside all those new faces and being surrounded by a circle of familiar faces, faces that reflect His image, reminded me that it's all about Him. My first first meeting, if you couldn't tell already, is one that I will hold close to my heart...I'm glad I started off the year with that. You're beautiful.

In other news, I have to get back into the swing of things academically. I feel like I'm still on summer mode. Sometimes I wish I was done with school but then I wake up and realize that I like being a student. Learning, it's the way to go. Let's keep this positive attitude going yo.

Friends. That's a whole 'nother story. Just kidding. I love my friends. They're the bomb...? So whether I talk to you everyday or not and whether I see you all the time or once in a blue moon, your presence in my life and your company makes me happy...even if it makes me sad? haha I don't know. You get the picture. I'm blessed to have kicked off my second year of college with a supportive and loving group of friends. That's all.

As for family, I'm so proud of my brother the bruin hahahah. I couldn't have asked for a better sibling...how corny but true. Good thing he doesn't read this. I've gotten to that age where I understand and accept my parents' imperfections and it feels good. I respect them so much and I'm glad that they're surviving life at home without me and my brother.

My motto this year is...well I haven't come up with a good one yet but "I got this"...some way, somehow, I will pull through and succeed with flying colors...I hope... or I know. Where's my confidence?! It needs to be built up. Anyway, good night. It's time to sleep.

I'm allergic to the wind! Add that one to the list...maybe it was already on the list but I just forgot about it. Anyway, so I've been incredibly cranky today. I lack sleep, I'm suffering from a stuffy nose and clogged ears and an itchy throat that causes me to cough, and I just survived my first day of class and went to work. Everyone seems to be having issues today. But you know what, despite it all, it was still a good day. I liked my class. I got to spend time with the roommates (amidst all our individual situations). I think each of us had some sort of dilemma today...dilemma might not be the right word but you get the picture. This is going to be quite a year. It already started off a little rocky.

I wanted to go home today and I am going home but now I'm not sure if I want to or not. You know how sometimes when you're somewhere else you want to be at home and then when you're at home you wish you were somewhere else? Yeah that's how I feel right now.

I decided to be optimistic and list things I LIKE so far about my second year because that'll make me feel good about where I am right now hahaha and it'll help me detach myself from some of my freshman year nostalgia.

I like being a second year because:
I don't have to share a bathroom with 12 other girls.
I don't have to eat my meals at specific times out of a fear that commons might close.
I don't have to put up with music blasting from every different direction.
I don't have to be around lots of people 24 hours of the day... I get some privacy.
When I walk into a lecture hall, it's less intimidating because I've been there and done that already.
I'm not as distracted by boys as I was last year.
I semi sort of know my way around campus...for the most part lol.
I don't feel so lonely because of the many networks of friends I made in the past year.
I actually run into people I know on ring road (definitely not Angie status though hahaha).
I get asked for help from freshmen.
I have a better sense of what I can handle academically and socially.
I'm one step up the "totem pole" HAHA...and that's cool.
I'm growing up!
I have the opportunity to serve you and you and You!
I'm getting more comfortable with school and stuff...because it's no longer new to me!
I'm getting tougher? or I hope I am.

That's all I can think of at the moment. To be continued. I'm gonna go hang out with my roomie and our friend Paul now. Peace out. Have a good weekend yooo.

the title was a degrassi reference for those not in the know...that's a saying right? hahaha whatever.

What's this?! A BLOG? from my very own apartment?! How awesome is that?!

Internet's back foos! You know what that means! So is my insomnia.

Thanks for setting it up bryan.

Dude my eyes hurt and my head does too. I slept at 4 last night (or should I say this morning) and woke up at 8am cause all the roomies had class at nine and what have I been doing since then?! Using the internet. Lame. I know.

hiiii! i'm annaaaaa or annaaa lizaaaa and i'm a second yearrrrrrrr.

OMG. First day of my second year of college. SCARY! Where did the time go?! Welcome week just flew by. It's been such a long and tiresome week. I hope I can get some rest this weekend...or not.

Praying for you.

Long time no blog! I'd like to start this off by saying I'm hungry cause I really am. For lunch I had a donut, "hello panda" cookies/crackers, and original lay's potato chips AND a tiny piece of krystle's hamburger that might've contained a peanut crumb or two. I could've sworn the right part of my upper lip was swelling so I drowned out that possible near-death situation with those cookies. I'm sad that I didn't get to stay at the booth and pass out flyers because I had work. But it's okay cause I think today was my last day of working there for 8 hours. I've decided to live a little and not work 8 hours every single day this week since it's TECHNICALLY the last week of my summer and it's welcome week! Hooray! New students, new year, new everything. I'm excited but scared...I'm always scared at the beginning of the year. It's that whole unfamiliar thing that bothers me but I'll get through it.

I feel incredibly blessed and incredibly unworthy of all these blessings in my life right now. Recently a lot of my thoughts and actions have stemmed from negativity and things that are in conflict with Your love. It's disappointing, really. I feel like I'm losing sight of Your presence in my life. So many petty things are polluting my mind AND my heart and they're quickly becoming hindrances to my growing closer to you. I'm sorry. I'm going to work on not getting bogged down by all the details and yucky emotions (selfishness, jealousy, etc). Purify my heart. This year, I am ready to do Your will.

Btw, how fitting is the theme for this quarter?! The themes never cease to amaze me. Why do they always relate to my life?!

Anyway, it's almost time to go. No one blogs anymore. What a sad sad day.

I apologize for my lack of entries. Soon I'll have internet. Very soon. TTYL!

life, SLOW DOWN! please? thanks.

uh i'm tired of blogging now. i think i lost the will to blog due to my lack of internet resources.

the school year is coming up. there are reminders everywhere but i feel indifferent towards it or ignorant about it all. i haven't even bought my books yet... that's a total 180 from the way i was last year. go figure. at least my fees are automatically paid. tomorrow is pay day... i think? who knows how that works.

i'm a second year!

ahhhhhh!!!!!

okay that's all. my update sucks. lo siento. better entries once i get the internet. OH YEAH! tonight i'm going home so that i can go to the tyra banks show taping tomorrow! yay!!! i haven't said yay in a while. but yay! i hope i get free stuff and i hope that the guests are cool. i'm gonna be on tv! maybe. keep a look out foo.

things are changing.

it is good. You are good...all the time.

Happy birthday caitlin reardon!

I think I'm missing franny jo's 19th birthday AND ihhs's heal the bay on saturday. why is there so much going on this month?

i don't wanna grow up but i have to...and I guess I am.

dude this entry really sucks. tomorrow...perhaps.

everything is different, everything's so different Lord / I know I'm not the same / My life You've changed...I want to be with You...

Last Monday Trina and I watched this indie film called Thumbsucker. It had some good quotes, like all indie films do.

"That's 'cause we all wanna be problemless. To fix ourselves. We look for some magic solution to make us all better, but none of us really know what we're doing. And why is that so bad? That's all we humans can do. Guess. Try. Hope...The trick is living without an answer. I think."

"We have to overcome the idea that everyone is the same."

I'm in the mood for blogging a lot but I don't want to be stuck in the library forever. It was a good weekend with a lot of good conversations and good company, especially in Him. I learned a lot...about myself, about others, and about my faith and growth journeys.

I dislike crying in front of people...but Frances and Eileen both told me that tears are a sign of strength. It takes courage to be vulnerable and this weekend sparked this newfound desire to be open within me...to have an open mind and an open heart. I have so much I want to say but I don't know how to say it.

I really wish I had the internet. it's back to square one for me...in terms of that dumb test. Let's not relive it.

I wonder why I always want to be someone other than me...how can I possibly think that my life would be better if I were someone else? Oh yeah because it's already hard enough for me to be myself.

Stronger shoulders. I'm really trying now.

This upcoming year is going to be a challenge. I can feel it already.

Bernie and I had some really good talks last night. I can't wait till she finally moves in. Middle child syndrome, comparisons, the rewards of and obstacles to serving. At least we're in this together. I'm glad He blessed me with such a caring and loving friend in my roommate. Who knew 1 year ago that we'd be more than just h.s. acquaintances?

One year.

I'm sorry for the "emo-ness." But then again I guess I don't have to apologize for wanting to share how I feel... that'd be a step back from getting to know you, and in turn getting to know Him. This intimacy thing is all new to me.

I loved the songs Robyn played in her car on the way to and from the retreat...maybe I'll blog about them later. Have a good week everyone.

whoaaaaaaaa.

in disbelief.
here goes nothing, for real.


thanks for the prayers & the faith.


maybe i'll tell you what happens.
win or lose, He still loves.

k bye.

Let Your will be done. Whatever the outcome is, I trust You.

I always seem to want to control every aspect of my life...like right now, I'm already saying that I'm gonna fail tomorrow.

I AM SO SCARED.

So there's a high possibility that I'll still be a pedestrian tomorrow...
But you can't say I didn't try...

unless of course I oversleep, purposely miss my test, and chicken out.

But I guess I won't.

It's times like these that I wish I obtained at least a tiny ounce of self-confidence. Where is that when you need it?! I know it's somewhere inside of me.

Anna needs to chill out & calm down. I know that's what you're thinking.

You are right.

I'm blogging cause I need to write all my insecurities and doubts away... or at least temporarily relieve them. The worst part is that I didn't want everyone to know when I was taking it because I'm afraid of failing and then having to tell people that I failed. (I hope you'll still be my friend if I do hahah). Lame huh? I've come to the conclusion that I am afraid of failure...that connects to a lot of the burdens I carry. If you only knew. All of us have our own little secrets, that's probably mine. I'm stuck in the worst-case scenario mindset. Ugh.

The thoughts going on in my head right now are as follows: What if I fail? What if I fail? What if I fail? When will I take my test again? How will I take my test again? Maybe I should never drive. Maybe I'll just resort to walking to places, it saves money. If I fail, that means I suck at driving.

SOOOO PESSIMISTIC. At this point, my lack of self-confidence scares me more than the test itself. What's wrong with me? Sigh. Please pray for me tomorrow...not necessarily that I pass the test (even though that would be good) but that I have the courage and the strength to follow through with it and that I don't panic and that my worrying is kept to a minimum cause I'm a worrier. Thank you. Sigh. I gotta sleep early tonight. I'm gonna drive around till my test at 9. It's now or never... I've already postponed taking it for like 2 years.

If worse comes to worse, I'll take my test again on the 15th after I see Tyra Banks cause Gia, Theresa and I are going to a Tyra Banks show taping foo hahahahah. Might as well kill two birds with one stone. Why am I already thinking about re-taking it?!

In other news, adoration on Tuesday night was really good. I like adoration. The silence gives way for a conversation with Him that I usually steer clear of because I don't usually like confronting whatever's bothering me. He knows. He opens my eyes and looks into my heart. Worship songs always get to me too. This summer's been too emotional. All I know is that one day I'm going to have to talk about it...until then, I'm fine with just Him knowing and maybe you. Help me to live in a way that nourishes not just myself but in a way that nourishes Him who dwells in me. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes my attitude (the negativity especially) proves to be a hindrance to love.

I've got more growing to do.

Thanks GP for the lunch. Thanks Kirs & Meechy for showing me around your awesome new apt. Wowowee!

Praying for you.

edit@10:33...
Thanks Abbyyyy you always know what to say! Just when you seem to be at your lowest, He sends you love:

onetrueluv87 (10:27:16 PM): YOU ROCK. YOU'RE AWESOME. YOU ARE THE BEST. YOU ALWAYS DO GOOD IN EVERYTHING YOU DO.

I LOVE MY FRIENDS. That's all. I will dream about epipens, peanuts, and boom tarat tarat! I guess.

i want my internet.
soon.
please.


i'm desperate.


i'm also very tired so i'm leaving this library. ugh. goodbye. have a wonderful wednesday evening.

just blogging to let you know i'm still here and i still have no internet.

FACEBOOK's facelift is not nice at all. i mean it's going too far... i don't feel like posting a lot on it anymore cause apparently everyone in your network knows what's going on in your life. yuuuck. invasion of privacy? quite possibly. but i'm still up for poking.

thanks for eating with me today kirs and joe. thanks for sleeping over last night trina & chua. good times all around. i guess a longer update later. i'm done with work and i'm off to the apt. i'm running on 4 hours of sleep i feel like school's started already.

anyway, praying for you all.

there's more to it than that.



prayers please.
thank you.



edit@10:48pm
Taken from gia:
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

great now that i actually DO have the internet, i'm lazy to blog soooo summary!

-i'm home.
-"boom tarat tarat boom tarat tarat tararat tararat boom boom boom"
-yaaay kirs dean and angie! it was sooo goood!!!!! :) can i have your autographs? lol jk but not really.
-ay yo, this place is poppin'!!! (hahahah)
-jigga puhleez
-chill out, calm down, "c.o."
-AWKWARD
-last forever paycheck forever...could've been 407 bucks BUT minus taxes, 365. oh well. it's on me. maybe hahah.
-i OWE YOU!!!!!!
-A LOT
-formal apology to g.p. sorry for not eating with you on thursday :(
-i've been such a bad friend this week! i'm sorry.
-i missed the vma's for the first time ever.
-thanks for friends who talked to me on the phone whenever i was bored/alone at the apt!! hahah
-thanks for friends who ate with me on my lunch breaks.
-i like shredding papers! i used "destroyit" hahah i loove it.
-i need to buy a router and a bed anddddddddd yeah.
-blog later.