No words.

I am so utterly confused about everything right now but I lift it up to You.

Please stay with me.

so i'm sitting next to bellamay in the langson library. a few people completely butchered her name during mock trial today... calling her billyme, bellami, bellyme, etc. it's okay bellamay, i can pronounce your name.

i'm supposed to be "studying" and i was until bmay distracted me. apparently when she's at an on-campus computer she likes to read about other people's lives through their blogs... so she's not too lazy to read blogs but she's lazy to write them. unbelievable! so here i am, blogging for you again, second time in a row. i wish i could say the same for some people i know to the left of me reading meechy's blog who go by the name of bellamay.

we just had awkward eye contact. i think she's actually blogging! i knew this would work hahaha.

dude so p9 midterm tomorrow. let's hope for the best. i caught up with all the reading and now i'm working on the review sheet. i have no time to finish bc LOG's in like less than 30 minutes.

Jessie Spano is right... there is never enough time.

BUT there's always enough time to blog!

So lesson of the day, blog or die. I'm just kidding... blog or study.

It's possible to do both.

Hmmm... contrary to popular belief, I still believe that I am graceful. I have not fallen yet this year. This must be a record or something.

I'm hungry. I really am.

I'm craving oreo cookies and milk right now.

Wow Bellamay's entry seems to be really lengthy. I wonder what it's about. This entire blog is basically a stream of consciousness. I apologize.

You wanna know what song is stuck in my head? BALLIN'! we fly high, no lie.

It's almost tha first of the month! My favorite month of the year, except for this year because there goes my teenagehood....teenagedom...teenagerness. I love you February nonetheless. You make me smile.

Speaking of smiling, everyone should smile... even when you have a midterm, mock presentation, legal brief, and assignment/essay due in the same week.

we got this. we're all in this together.

everyone should focus on the times they're happy... or NOT unhappy. that's what i learned in "peace is every step" this week. right now, i'm not unhappy because i just finished my mock trial, despite having less than 24 hours to study SLASH cram for my exam tomorrow. WOOHOO. at least it's multiple choice. 6:48 i'm gonna end this yo.

praying for you.

i'm the world's greatest.

i need to learn time management folks.

but i managed to make the most of my time the past day or so.

you kill me.

dear school,
i gave you my heart and
you broke it. you're a bully.

haha that kinda sounded like that wham christmas song... give or take a few words..."last quarter i gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away, this year to save me from tears i'll give it to someone special"

HAHAH that's lame. i blame it on my lack of sleep. i am delirious. yet again. story of my life. at least it's only 1:25 and i have time to cram a section of psych into my brain. is that even healthy? i doubt it. maybe i'll just sleep instead and cram all day tomorrow. poor eyes, poor brain, poor anna, poor you.

i've been m.i.a. or i haven't been there for everyone that i want to be there for so i'm sorry.

i think i need to tend to me.

first thing's first...get through this hectic week 4. oh week 4. you really challenge me.

when i get frustrated, i try really hard to breathe in and out and meditate and remember what my nephew jiles told me... "chill out dawg"

please pray for me and all those struggling with school. i know it's dumb but dude... it's school and i really really really really really really want good grades. prayers for everyone.

no time to update thoroughly but
you are probably gonna lecture me for this.

i couldn't sleep again last night.


I signed off at 2:49 or so after finishing my rough draft of my legal brief and then I tossed and turned in bed till I fell asleep which was more than likely past 3:30am.

WHY?

Talking In Your Sleep

SLEEP TALKING (Somniloquy)
Talking while asleep is quite normal and really of no medical interest or importance. It may be caused by a break through to the surface of your dream world, or even a remnant of memory from an episode, possibly an upsetting episode, that occurred during waking hours.

Those who talk in their sleep seldom remember what they said or even that they were talking.

Some problems, however, may occur because of the habit of talking in one's sleep. Sometimes secrets are revealed or things said that would have been better left unsaid.

Why do some people talk in their sleep?

Nobody knows for sure. Children seem to be prone to it, especially if they sleepwalk too. Some people carry on whole conversations, while others just moan and make other sounds. If the frequency of sleep talking is bothering the family and disrupting sleep for others, there are some things you can keep in mind.

All of the things bolded are all of things I'm guilty of doing.
* Make sure the sleep talker gets plenty of sleep every night, someone who is sleep deprived is more likely to sleep talk.
* Reduce the stress and anxiety levels
* Keep to a regular schedule of going to bed and getting up at the same time
* Don't eat a heavy meal right before bedtime




OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Dude.
And after reading all of this, why am I still up? It beats me.

Message to all those who see me or talk to me on a daily basis: when you see me this week please remind me to breathe, meditate, chill out, sleep early, do all my homework (ON TIME especially), study, and color. Ugh. I don't care if I don't listen because maybe if a lot of people tell me to, I'll actually do it. I'm so frustrated with all of my ugly habits and stuff. Ugh. That's all I can say. Sorry positivity, you are failing me right now or I'm failing you. Whatever.

On a lighter note, I'm excited about tutoring on Mondays. I haven't done this since high school and I've missed it. a lot.

Hey sometimes, I want to be a homebody. I think it might be healthier for me at this point in time where I am talking in my sleepppppppp. Ugh.

Okay I'm done being frustrated with that. But seriously there are times like these when I miss freshman year when I was regular...a regular sleeper and homeworker and homebody.

I'm done. This is done. Done!!!!

I'm beginning to sound like oscar the grouch again. stop me please. thanks. i need to sleep.

why do you now sleep earlier than me?! when did this happen?

anyway, good night. peace out. talk to you later... or in my dreams! UGH.

i need to believe in myself.

It's 8:06pm on a Thursday night and I am currently STILL at the library.

I guess I'm a loser.

Wow this place is poppin'. I'm in the computer lab of the langson library and there are only 5 other people in here (and this lab has 28 seats! yeah... I actually counted).

I've been here since 6pm... I'll probably be here for a while longer.

Lately, I've preferred spending time alone over being surrounded by tons of people.
I focus better that way & it lets me think. Not that I don't like hanging out with friends but you get it...I hope.

At least I'm getting things done.

You have to start moving ahead before life moves past you.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
Youll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Yeah I know my blogs have been on this "smile" rampage but dude, if it works, it works, and smiling pretty much works...well it has for the past couple of days...make that two days. I finally remembered to smile RIGHT when i woke up this morning to turn off my alarm. Sure, it was awkward but then the awkwardness made me laugh and what do you know? instant happiness. Try it. This blog has been so pro-positivity lately. Sorry if all the sunshine makes you feel like gagging... and if it actually does, tough luck, even gangstas smile (even though the reasons they smile may be different than ours).

I dislike my computer. I've had to restart it 4 times in one morning. This laptop has served me well but I think it's time for a change... a new, sleek, more grown -up laptop for a pretty much almost grown-up girl. I mean the W-2 form just confirmed my passage into adulthood.

Aside from that, I'm quite proud of myself for doing all this reading. It makes me feel accomplished because instead of rotting away in front of my computer screen myspacing or facebooking, I've been spending my time being productive.

So for lent this year, I've been contemplating on some things that I should try giving up... like cookies. Don't say it. I know. You don't believe in me, neither do I. It's especially difficult since I've been informed that no cookies means no cookie dough which means no cookie dough ice cream, my most favorite ice cream in the world. How could I possibly survive? We'll see. For now, I might just put this idea in the backburner.

So 30 more minutes until I'm off to work. Plans for the day include eating, work, class, reading, work on e8 legal brief (yuck), and sleep. Make it a great Thursday everyone. I know I'll try.

keep yo' head up
oooo child, things are gonna get easier
keep yo' head up
oooo child, things will get brighter

there once was a girl named anna... she woke up bright and early at 8 for work at 9 am. Then she smiled...10 minutes after she woke up because she had forgotten to do so the day before and apparently, smiling when you wake up is supposed to make your day better. anyway i digress. the day then took after the smile she put on in the morning. in ice cube's words, "it was a good day" and i think i've quoted that foo before. it was a perfectly balanced day of work and play. that rhymes. she had class at 10, ate lunch with her twin at heart at 11, then she went to class again, then she went to work and got her w-2 form... her first w-2 form ever... what do you do with those anyway? TAXES! woo hoo. then she went to the university center to eat dinner but ran into 2 of her chums who go by the names of kathy (my twin) and mean deannnnn and ate with them. then she went to the library and read there productively from 7-10pm! she's a closet nerd. then her c.a.r.i.n.g friend meechy picked her up so that she didn't have to walk home in the cold and they picked up apple cider from starbucks. then she went home and ate popcorn and potato salad (and contrary to mattman's belief, it is not gross). now she and her roommates of thertine bernannas are listening to the lovely, soothing sounds of tupac.

i know i say thanks a lot... but i mean it every time. i know i've been in this ugly little funk that i can't seem to shake. well i do shake it off every once in a while but something usually comes up and brings it back again. i like to call it my "second year middle child syndrome rut." i guess quite a few things have been thrown on my plate recently or this quarter and this year and i'm still learning how to manage everything...my priorities, my time, my life. i want to fit everything i possibly can onto this fragile, old plate even when i know that it's practically run its course. it's gotten so heavy lately that it's hard for me to even lift it off of the table (that may be an exaggeration but you get the picture)...what's worse is that i myself am responsible for much of the weight that it's been carrying. things have been falling off of the plate here and there...and right when i pick up one of things that have fallen, i drop another. it's tough. i'm struggling with how much i'm struggling. does that even make sense? i don't want to struggle with all the things that have, are, and could possibly be going wrong in my life. i feel so weak because of it. i feel like i'm letting Him and you down by succumbing to my emotions, most of which i don't even understand sometimes... i don't think have a strong handle on anything right now and at this point, it's been so much easier for me to let everything fall off of the plate instead of spending all my time and exerting all my efforts on picking everything up or even keeping everything on it. i don't know. that's the best way i can put what i've been going through, into words. all i know is that i'm taking it one day at a time and today could possibly be the first day of the rest of my life...and as difficult as it is for me to accept that not everything can stay on my plate all the time, i will press on and continue to pick up the fallen scraps of my life with a smile on my face. word.

p.s. one month from now i will no longer be a teenager. BUT until then! yay i'm a nineTEEN year old. act like you know.

p.p.s. praying for you. You strengthen me and so do you.

p.p.p.s. i love my friends.

"Our smile will bring happiness to us and to those around us. Even if we spend a lot of money on gifts for everyone in our family, nothing we could buy could give them as much happiness as the gift of our awareness, our smile. And this precious gift costs nothing. At the end of a retreat in California, a friend wrote this poem:

I have lost my smile,
but don't worry.
The dandelion has it.

If you have lost your smile and yet are still capable of seeing that a dandelion is keeping it for you, the situation is not too bad. You still have enough mindfulness to see that the smile is there. You need to breathe consciously one or two times and you will recover your smile. The dandelion is one member of your community of friends. It is there, quite faithful, keeping your smile for you.

In fact, everything around you is keeping your smile for you. You don't need to feel isolated. You only have to open yourself to the support that is all around you, and in you. Like the friend who saw that her smile was being kept by the dandelion, you can breathe in awareness, and your smile will return." - Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh


Growing up is like a double edged sword. It's something that you desire yet wish to postpone. The realization of your own growth as a person, mentally, physically, and spiritually can hit you at the most unexpected moments. Sometimes it's triggered by a question, a change in your routine, a look at the calendar or even by simply glancing at your own reflection in the mirror. Once you acknowledge how the way you are today is different from the way you were last year, last month, or even yesterday, you sometimes find yourself either dwelling on your past self or looking forward to how you're going to change even more in the future. I've been feeling that way a lot lately...too much time spent reflecting and not enough time spent living... and my sleeping habits, studying habits, and all my habits have been suffering because of it. Thank you for putting up with me and for the prayers. There I go again, digging myself into a deeper hole that perhaps wasn't so deep in the first place. This rut will pass, I'm sure. I guess this comes along with the territory... of life haha.

:(

thinking positively isn't easy.
i want to foom.

I, the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard my people cry
All who dwell in dark and sin My hand will save.
I, who made the stars of night, I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them? Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

Rest in peace, Uncle Dick.
I know you're happier now that you've "gone home."

Lord God, thank you for this weekend.
I should've known better than to question your plans for me.
I realize why I was called to stay and the company of my family and relatives this past weekend as we prayed and celebrated my uncle's fulfilling and inspiration life as a quiet man of courage and faith and as a loving husband, father, grandfather, uncle, son, brother, and friend is testament to Your unconditional and patient love. Faith & family go hand in hand and my uncle was living proof of that. He dedicated his life to serving You and his family. I'll miss everything about him, his yummy lechon and dinuguan, his saxophone playing at church, his candid photography, his softspoken yet knowledgeable way of conversing with others, his humility, and most importantly, his love for You and all those around him. My kuya richie said it best when he said that uncle Dick tried to see God's goodness in everyone and everything... I can only hope to do the same. I saw Your goodness this weekend. Although I wasn't able to experience that goodness in the way that my fellow loggers did this weekend, I am grateful for experiencing it the way that You planned for me to.

Through death


comes new LIFE.

My nieces Jamin aka Jasmine and Joey aka Josephine (Uncle Dick's grandkids) bring the new life. They are heartbreakers...but they're pretty violent so they'd break your arm before breaking your heart.

And then there are my nephews Jiles and Justice...they're a handful but they're gangsta pimps. This made me smile...

Justice (who's only 9 but has more game than many people my age haha): i have some friends but they're ladies. I tell them "whattuuup girl? whatchu doin' for recess?" and then we walk around the track.

Thank You for reminding me about the simple but important things in life. Sometimes I suck at prioritizing. Now it's time to do homework. I'm praying for all the retreatants...come back safely. I miss you.

...they might say but they don't know, they say they say, they don't know...do do do do do doooo

That is hands down my favorite Common song...or it's the catchiest to me hahah. Whatevs.

Thanks for the continuous prayers and support. I'm in awe of His love and yours. Thank you for being my second family. I can't imagine my life without You and you.

I got an unexpected call from an unknown number today... Kim Mendoza, the living saint (and that's no joke). I love her. She's awesome and she made my day today.

CGITEW, thanks for the red gummi jamba juice. you're the coolest.

<3 Operation add/drop card, AIM, away messages, unhealthy french fries, makeshift fortune cookie, destructive tendencies, tic tacs & bachelorette parties, let's chill, outdated oldies songs... "black is black, i want my baby back", high shrill scream = how to save a life, much different, growing up, just DO IT.


this IS.

stubborn.

i don't want to think about it.

i'm awkward.

to all my log family going on retreat this weekend, i am praying for you all... praying that you get there safely, praying that the drive up there isn't difficult, praying that you keep warm wherever you're staying, praying that your stomachs are never empty, praying that you get a good night's rest, praying that you let go and let God, praying that you take comfort in knowing that there are many people back home who love you and are praying for you. i'll miss you this weekend but i will definitely be with you in spirit. it's all in His plan right? i don't know what this weekend has in store for you or for me but i'm placing my trust in Him and in His will and I'm sure that's the best move we can ever make. i love you guys and my thoughts and prayers and heart will be with you too. thanks for your love. peaaace out and have fun in the snow for me but don't get sick! please! thanks. bundle up and layer up fools...it's gonna be a cool coool weekend.

as for me, i'm off to SD tomorrow around 3. that rhymed. kim said i'm "called to be elsewhere". i'm going to my Uncle's viewing tomorrow and then sleepover at my aunties house and then the funeral's on Saturday morning at 10. please continue praying for my family during this time of mourning. your prayers will definitely strengthen us all.

tomorrow's a pretty long day i believe so let's make the most of it.

uciGfrmLA (7:35:51 PM): positive thoughts yield positive outcomes

"thoughts become things" or that's what i've been told.

edit@1:01pm:

I woke up this morning to unhappy phone calls.
This might just be harder than I thought.
My uncle, aunt, and Frances are picking me up soon.

Anna Liza Salvacion Olivares, suck it up...and don't cry.

But I just might.
:(
The viewing and funeral haven't even started and I'm already bawling.
UGHHHH.
Please pray for my family and for me too. Thanks.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad





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Auto response from annanymouslizard (11:44:06 PM): i dont wanna be here or there.
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(11:44:42 PM): hey
(11:44:56 PM): then, where do you want to be?
annanymouslizard (11:45:04 PM): nowhere
(11:48:10 PM): do you need to borrow harry potter's invisibility cloak?


(12:54:53 AM): AYF< 3U
(12:54:57 AM): all your friends love you

(10:47:05 PM): but don't doubt the support you got
(10:47:32 PM): cuz you know we are all here for you buddy
(10:47:44 PM): your many fans and your greatest fan of course, Him

(10:02:34 PM): it's ok...i'm here to tell you that everything will be good! :-)
(10:02:38 PM): i promise!

(10:44:38 PM): you have been through more things and have come through them a better person for it
(10:44:48 PM): this is called growing up

yo, I just wanted to say that sometimes it's okay to not be okay. You said you were okay yesterday just giving the heads up that it's okay to not be. That's all. Love you.

sorry bout your uncle, anna :( praying for you and ur family!! he's smiling from heaven now!

ANNAAAAAAAAAA!!! omgsh! i am soooooooo sad youre not going on retreat but i cant help but feeel sooooooo happy at the same time!!! omgsh we are soooooooo destined!! i am so excited for winter retreat, '08! haha. or summer retreat, '07 too. =) man, it feels good to be home. and to be online!! oh my gosh. i feel so, separated from the world! hahaha. i cant get over the fact that we get to experience winter retreat together next year, ths is so amazing and soooo meant to be...damn. awww Anna...get back to work you lazy bum!! haha. and dont make all the people who come to the window feel awkward. hahahha. take care!!

Hey Guys, Anna has just informed us that her uncle, Richard Dizon, has just passed away. Please send many prayers of His Love and Mercy towards Anna's uncle, his family, and Anna. At this difficult time, we can only do our best to believe with the eyes of faith and to offer our support so those that are struggling may see and experience His unconditional Love. There's always a reason for the pain we experience, and although it's hard to always fully believe in this, He asks us to always trust in His will. Many Prayers my friends.
Through His the Sacrifice of His Love,
The Liwanag Family

whatever it takes, i know i can make it through
if i hold out, i know i can make it through
be the best, be the best i can, here's what i say to you
whatever it takes, i know i can make it through
i know i can make it through



life. it goes there.

BOO to the bully who stole my unopened bag of goldfishes in SSLH today. i have no idea who you are but you sure do know how to make a girl sad...der. ugh, i thought the stealing ended with my breadsticks last yr.

=P

while unpacking last night, i realized i forgot to bring back 4 pairs of jeans (not to mention, my favorite jeans) hence the leggings.

awkward moment of the day:
While at the crosswalk across from Jack in the Box:

Some random guy: Hey! Cool boots!
Me: Uhhh thanks
Some random guy: Yeah, where'd you get them?
Me: Um at the mall...at the santa anita mall?
Some random guy: awesome

I then quickly looked down at my shoes and proceeded cautiously, many steps behind him, when it was our turn to cross the street.

You meet the strangest people when you're working the window...they either complain to you about how cold it is outside or compliment you on what you're wearing or ask you really long-winded and confusing questions about UCI.

hope everyone's having a better and warmer week.

happy 19th birthday krystle!
happy 20th birthday ten!
happy 23rd birthday dean!

i'm not feeling myself today.

i'm sorry.

i might be out of it this week. i apologize in advance.

it looks like i'm holding up on the outside but on the inside, it's a whole other story.

please continue praying for everyone and everything.
thank you.

rest in peace uncle...you will be missed.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.


Thank you for all the prayers. It means a lot to me and to my family. My aunt called earlier and she said she appreciated all of the support. I'm overwhelmed by the abundance of love and concern. THANK YOU AGAIN. I love You and you. I find comfort in Him through you...through your prayers, your thoughts, your hearts, your words, and your company.

You try to tell yourself the things you try tell yourself to make yourself forget

I wish I wasn't here right now.
I wish you'd stop.
We can do without the finger-pointing.
Sometimes adults aren't exactly the most grown-up.
Why do you make it so easy to take their side?
"Laging kasalanan ko"
Please be more understanding.
He wouldn't want that.
Cry.
Your strength is the true foundation of this family.
I wish I could go.
I hope I can go.
It's tough but...

Thanks for being there. You'll never know how much you mean to me and this thank you will have to suffice. I don't know what I did to deserve such thoughtful and loving friends. Praying for you.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
-Robert Frost

i am afraid of commitment. i need to stop running. although i can easily put this off for another day, my decision will continue to loom over me until i confront it. let's face it, i'm not getting any younger and try as i might to prevent myself from making important life decisions (that as of late, have frequently begun to pop up), i cannot color my worries away. that would be living in denial, and not to mention living in the past. i sacrifice happiness for contentment and adventure for comfort or security. as the road less traveled becomes more and more appealing to me, the more i direct myself towards the worn road that many before me have taken. it's easy to play it safe and this decision makes me feel like i'm choosing between success and love... would i rather succeed in something that's guaranteed to reep rewards or would i rather take the chance of being mediocre or struggling in something that I love to do? speaking of love, what is it that i love to do in the first place? write? counsel? teach?...i'm sure that whatever it is, it involves me serving others. i'm a people person...or at least i think i am? whatever the case may be, i'm scared that if i put my foot down and make my decision, it'll be final and that there will be no room for changes. i'd be "stuck." BUT if i make that decision as a knowledgeable and open-minded adult, if i make that decision knowing that i've considered all my options, if i approach that decision realistically without completely dismissing what my heart tells me, then will i really be "stuck"? i have to keep reminding myself that it's MY choice, not yours or his or hers and i have to keep reminding myself that it's A choice...one of many choices and i'm not limited to just that one in particular. i shouldn't let my fear of settling keep me from acting or more importantly deciding.

what's the point of hoarding your life savings for the rest of your life, if you never spend it on something beautiful, on something that you truly want?
similarly, if i don't make this decision, then how will i ever make a difference in my life, in their lives, in this world?

take a chance right?

shake your love, i just can't shake your love, shake your love, i just can't shake your love.

i love 80s pop songs.

shake it off.
get that dirt off yo' shoulder.
you're better than this.

it's been quite the week. i'm feeling the stress, kinda sorta. i have to hit the books this weekend because if not now, then when...yaddamean?

praying for all those who are struggling right now. you'll get through it. He knows. just believe.

i can't seem to get myself to write my usual lengthy blogs. i keep saving all my recent blogs as drafts. forgive me.

i'm going home. i need it. even the homiest places can't substitute for home sometimes...plus i get more sleep there & i need to do homework. what fun.

hit me with the 7 digits (no authority, anyone?)

This was originally supposed to be posted last night but I forgot.

Forget the words. They take a backseat to the #'s and dollah bills y'all. My mind's on some numbers & some numbers' on my mind. My thoughts have consisted of digits lately.

0 the hero, 1st the worst, 2nd the best. I'm only taking 13 units this quarter unless I get the linguistics class and can miraculously take 17. I worked 4 hours today doing add/drop cards and a few transcripts ("with great power, comes great responsibility"). 16 is for f-16, some plane that I'm still too lazy to look up (sorry gp). Meechy and I spent 62 dollars on food tonight and although our stomachs probably liked it, I don't think our wallets did (big ballas). I'm supposed to list and locate the 5 most populous cities in the world and it's currently 9:19 and I should at least read a little. I'm nearing 20 and I don't know how I feel about it, ambivalent is the word I'm looking for. I sleep at 2 am or past that way too often these days. Yay for 3 day weekends. Speaking of 3, 3's company and1 doesn't always have to be the loneliest number if you think positively. When I ate at Lee's with Kathleen today, I was number "24" and it made me smile because that's my favorite number in the entire world AND it's my birthdate so being the loser that I am, I kept the receipt. 72 units?! 20 something more until junior standing?! Where am I gonna be in 5 years? I thought 18 was your prime but apparently the world thinks differently. Hey so minimum wage? $7.25? I read the news today online during my work break (you inspired me meechy). "You have 372 friends"... but do you really?...too much time on myspace & facebook makes for more than enough time to be an idle and lazy student. Yale's Baker's Dozen a.k.a. 13 hot a cappella group singers were attacked and jeered at in SF during their California tour this month while singing the star spangled banner & I sincerely hope this doesn't affect their visits to IHHS (not like it matters anyway cause I don't go to school there anymore). 2007 you might just be better than I thought. Degrassi season 7 goes there, too bad I can't watch it go there. ugh. "1st kiss was a sweet kiss 2nd kiss had a twist the 3rd kiss and 4th kiss, I don't wanna miss, I can see it in your walk tell it when you talk see it in everything you do even in your thoughts you've got the right stuff baby..." What can I say? I'm in a new kids on the block kind of mood. Please don't go boooyyy you'd ruin my whole worldddddd, tell me you'll stay, never ever go awayyyyy. The end.

Sometimes, that does the trick.

Hope you all have a good Thursday. Yay!

Year 2007 Overview

Provided by Astrology.com
Pisces

Pisces is having a once in a lifetime opportunity for great changes this year. You will be having the time of your life, expressing your loving and compassion to the world and fulfilling your boldest dreams. There won't be a dull moment and you will intuitively know exactly what path to follow and what feels right in your heart.

You will feel compelled to grasp new opportunities that manifest self-transformation in your career. You're stepping into your power easily, especially around April when you are urged to express your visionary mentality. You might rediscover your musical abilities and express yourself in creative ways. You have the power and inspiration to bring mystical sensitivity to what's around you. It's time to bring out the dreamy, loving and compassionate side of yourself and let it shine.

You may want to get involved in writing, be it lyrics, poetry or just self reflection. Your idealistic nature is inspired from a strong connection to your surroundings, and you easily express yourself from a place of inner awareness. Your natural ability to communicate ideas to others is keenly perceptive now. Focus on trusting your intuition and you will get through nearly any circumstance. You need to lighten up about difficulties in life. Don't be so critical and overly concerned about details. Because you're so sensitive to others' moods, you may feel like you're not coming across in a very positive way. Take time out and have fun this year. Embrace that intimate love relationship you have!

I walk around things, figuratively (but also literally of course). It takes me a while to make decisions because I purposely avoid doing so. I think I know what I want but convince myself that I don't and instead refer to what I think other people want for or expect of me. I've stopped following my heart because as bad as this sounds, I've neglected to see Him in me. I think other people would make better decisions for me, they seem more capable of that responsibility because unlike me, they know what they're doing or at least, that's what I tell myself. You'd think that being surrounded by so many friends and family who continuously affirm me and see the good in me, I'd have a better sense of self or at least a more positive sense of self but I don't. You can tell me one thing, but when I look at myself "in the mirror" I end up seeing another.

And you are so confused,
And baby its just like you to say anything else
It's time for you to understand
Stop getting up for the let down
Oh, who you are is not up to them
Stop getting up for the let down
And I'm here to say that you're the star you wanna be
Just open up and look inside, you will see
Someday you'll sing it out loud
One day this will make you proud
Whoa oh, "I know..."

So say what you want
you gotta mean it when you say what you want
Everybody's on your mind and you're saying anything to get you by.
So to get what you want you gotta mean it when you say what you want.
Or you're wasting everybody's time just saying anythng to get you by.
And it's not gonna get you by.
And if you really want to know what you are capable of in time,
then all you have to do is take a breath and close your eyes.

HAHAHA You know you wanna take it too...

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Picky

You have no problem attracting guys - and even dating a little It's just around second or third date time where you start to see faults If a guy isn't near perfect, you're not into him. It's good to have standards - but yours rule almost everyone out.

p.s. Happy Birthday Mom! I love you.

That is all.

this one's for trina, takin' it back to winter break fools:

i think we should all read.
not because rosie o donnell endorses it but because reading = good grades. let's do it!

afterrrrrr i blog.

what am i gonna do with my life? psb, sociology, english?!

WHO AM I?
i wish that i wasn't in charge of myself sometimes.

THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!

in other news, i'm taking a seminar with kathy. it's called "peace is every step?" something like that. it was originally the "are you happy?" class. hopefully the sitting in silence for 15 minutes won't kill me.

relax.

praying for you. tomorrow's LOG! hooray. i think i'm in need of a meeting.

rose & jen visited us today. it was a nice surprise visit :)

the end. sorry my blogs have been short lately... you know how it is.

keepin' it studious yo.

whether or not our season will soon be done / i think i've got a reason to enjoy the sun / i hear the forecast ain't as bad as it seems / it should be clearing up if only in dreams / ooh tonight the stars are oh so bright

can i just say that i love my twin at heart? these past few days i found myself mentioning her or talking about her when i was telling stories and stuff. that must mean i've missed her a lot. i'm grateful for today. yay us! yay grown-up Christmas gifts. I love my grown up purse and necklace and my not so grown up Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen mystery VHS tape. yay good talks! we so needed that 3 hour venting session. right now kathy would say "we be grown-ups." word. my, how we've changed. happy not sad.

so this week is week 1. let's buckle down and study and read! all the good students do it.

so have you met my brother?...he kills me:

obviously someone has a lot of time on his hands.

have a wonderful week friends.

annanymouslizard (5:06:44 PM): hey little mama let me whisper in ya' ear
annanymouslizard (5:06:46 PM): HAHAHAHAAHAHAH
alohaweez (5:07:00 PM): ANNA THING YOU WANT GURRRRL
annanymouslizard (5:07:07 PM): yuuuuuuuckkkkkk
annanymouslizard (5:07:24 PM): how are you?
annanymouslizard (5:07:26 PM): what's new?
alohaweez (5:07:35 PM): your face.
annanymouslizard (5:07:48 PM): omg unnecessary
annanymouslizard (5:07:49 PM): i was being nice
annanymouslizard (5:07:53 PM): GEEZ
annanymouslizard (5:07:57 PM): CALM YOURSELF
alohaweez (5:08:06 PM): calm your face annathing.
annanymouslizard (5:08:16 PM): thats really dumbbbb hahahaha
annanymouslizard (5:08:25 PM): im gonna call you bernielicious now

Stay up all night and sleep all day. We were smart kids with too much to say and so, so sure that they were missing out - they're the one's who are missing out. We were elemental. Talked down to bare esstentials. Who knew we'd get so far. Our days were numbered by nights on too many rooftops. They said we're wasting our lives. At least we know that if we die we lived with a passion. They said we'd burn so bright that we'd burn this city and go.

This is random but now I'm listening to Cartel. I like it. I woke up around 1:15pm today (hence the song)...that's incredibly bad...almost as bad as sleeping past 4:52am the night before the first day of school. I need fixing.

The day's still young. What am I gonna do with the remainder of it? Homework?

HA.

Thank you for last night & the indecisive decisions, cravings, cheddar fries, macarena & mambo #5, pictures, table silence, circle of..., strong wind, bay vs. house, club bernannas?...18-19 yr olds (can we extend it to 20 next month please? HAHA) clarissa explains it all, good talks, i never, hello kitty coloring, erasable crayons, that's so raven, sister sister, boy meets world, filipinos, parents, love, faith, growing up, keeping up, fun kids at heart, we're such girls.

You're where I was & I'm where you were and for some reason, that comforts me.

We'll be okay, I know it.

"who's gonna build your house? he's gonna build your house, the house, the house, the house"

I love You.

prayers for a family member please. thanks.

As we're beginning the new quarter, I've decided to take it upon myself to let go of my expectations and let God... or at least try to... in addition to my resolution to think positively. This is going to be hard. I put myself down so much so that I don't even notice when I'm doing it. It's gonna be a challenge. Abby's resolution's a good one too... I might just take that one up myself, be more decisive OR to be aggressive. So much to work on. But hey one thing at a time and for right now, the think positively thing is difficult enough for me to do. We shall see.

Here's some excerpts from my old women's studies book "The Spiral Path":

"The bonding aspects of love and attachment establish our sense of infancy and childhood and continue to inspire feelings of connectedness and empathy throughout life. When we overemphasize or overuse that bonding principle, whoever, it changes into the obstacle of attachment. Bonding is life-giving and expansive; Attachment takes away those possibilities. It cuts off our future surprises, mysteries, and potential by restricting the future and copying the past...

Attachment is an inability to distinguish our self from those we serve or nurture, or the objects we possess...
Attachment for people is often mistaken for love and concern... Love, however, always expands and gives freedom while attachment contracts and brings bondage, both to the one who is attached and to the object of devotion. Attachment always brings anxiety along as a companion. One who is attached to another is constantly expecting something; the beloved's attentions are never enough. In contrast, love is given freely not asking for anything in return.

So let go and let's go! Welcome winter quarter 2007. Here's to a fresh to death new quarter full of growth, love, service, good company, & You. Yussir.

chill out.

Enrolled Classes for WINTER '07

Crse Crse Sec Grd
Code Dept Num Typ Num Unts Opt Days Time Bldg Room
---- ---- ---- --- --- ---- --- ---- ---- ---- ----
50610 ENVIRON E8 LEC A 4.0 GR T T 03:30-04:50 SSLH 100
50611 ENVIRON E8 DIS 1 0.0 GR mc T 05:00-05:50 SSPA 1165
50800 PSY BEH P9 LEC A 4.0 GR M W F 12:00-12:50 SSLH 100
50801 PSY BEH P9 DIS 1 0.0 GR mc M 03:30-04:50 TBA TBA
69130 SOCIOL 43 LEC A 4.0 GR M W F 10:00-10:50 SSL 270
69133 SOCIOL 43 DIS 3 0.0 GR T 11:00-11:50 SSL 159

total units enrolled 12.0 0.0 p/np units

So I changed my mind again. I dropped Soc 110 and replaced it with Linguistics.

Wait Listed Classes for WINTER '07

Crse Crse Sec Grd At Wait
Code Dept Num Typ Num Unts Opt Days Time List Pos
---- ---- ---- --- --- ---- --- ---- ---- --------
65030 LINGUIS 20 LEC A 4.0 GR T T 09:30-10:50 9

total units wait listed 4.0 0.0 p/np units

I need to get my math out of the way. Hopefully this all works out somehow? Think positively. I will not worry. I WON'T. Okay enough with the caps lock. I am fine. This will be fine. I will do well this quarter. I won't freak out about anything.

Now if I could only convince myself of that.

stop worrying me!

Lucky 07? I can only hope.

even though my heart's been smiling lately...

I think it's time for me to color again hahaha. But really it is.

a fresh, clean slate. what can i draw on it today? i have no clue.
whatever it is, it needs COLOR.

To-Do List today:
[x] look over class schedule & fix it
[ ] buy my books
[ ] lunch with avindri @ 12
[ ] go to work after lunch
[ ] balance my checkbook/check my account
[ ] re-organize my desk
[ ] sleep

Am I ready for school? "You know it"- that's me trying to think positively.
So my dry erase board on my desk has now become my wall of inspirational quotes. New quotes for every quarter.

Last quarter:


This quarter:


Let's do this.

Yay my roomie Theresa's back and Christine and Bernie are coming home tonight. yay roommate hang out! We're going to alerto's soon. yumm.

P.S. Dude I just got a hello kitty pencil case and a hello kitty eraser and a hello kitty and elmo coloring book and crayons from Theresa! SUCH AN AWESOME GIFT! How spoiled am i?! hahaha. i feel like a kid.

thertine bernanna's > peter pan's neverland. act like you know.

P.P.S. nas' "hip hop is dead" album is REALLY GOOD...especially "who killed it?" and "can't forget about you". wow dr. d would be proud of me.

it's true, every year you get a little bit wiser. i found my old answers to that end of the year survey. it's pretty interesting...here's some life lessons that i learned every year. someone's been growing up haha.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in _____ & Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
2003. Don’t assume even the littlest things and Appreciate everything you have, I can't stress that enough. Be grateful for being alive, for having family and friends, and for all that you have. There's nothing scarier than the uncertainty of what the next day might bring and the temporary, fragile state of life. You can never say I love you one too many times.

"Soulstar oh you’ve come so far from where you started don’t be afraid to let your light shine on the world”---Musiq Soulchild

2004. Life has more questions than it does answers so don't waste your precious time trying to figure out those answers. Instead embrace life for what it is and cherish every second you have with your loved ones. The only certain thing about life is that it's short. Make the best of it. Always smile and appreciate life, friends, family, and happiness. Don't take anything for granted. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up because everything happens with time.

"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky, I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change, and BREAKAWAY." --- Kelly Clarkson

2005. Spontaneity and the unexpected are necessary ingredients of life. To live is to be open to the unfamiliar. Life is about facing your fears; not necessarily conquering them but accepting them and not allowing them to control what you do or who you become. I always thought that going the safe route was the only way of living. True, the safe route prevents pain and protects you from what scares you but the safe route is also the easy way out. Taking chances, making mistakes; these are things that make life worth living. Without them, life would be dull, empty, and boring. Experiences build your character and make you a stronger person. Without obstacles and struggles, there wouldn't be such experiences and you'd be living ideally rather than realistically like the rest of the world. So exposure to the bad as well as the good things in life is essential to our development as adults.

“The remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison. I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on...” –Jason Mraz

“Life, it's ever so strange / It's so full of change / Think that you've worked it out / Then bang / Right out of the blue / Something happens to you / To throw you off course...it's just a ride”-Jem

2006. You alone have the power to change your life through the way you think about things, through the way you choose to feel, through the people you choose to surround yourself with, inevitably it’s your choice. It’s internal. You can steer yourself in any direction and no matter how hesitant you are to take on the many responsibilities and decisions that are on your plate, it’s not up to anyone else…it’s up to you. And although that idea alone is intimidating and daunting, you’re not walking the path by yourself because He’s there to carry you and help you with your crosses. The least you can do is recognize that and trust in Him and approach every day with a smile. Your attitude is more powerful than all the resources at your disposal. It’s all about your perspective. Life is definitely what you make of it so in the midst of all the difficulties, the struggles, and the hardships, try to think positively, be hopeful, and have faith in Him! Don’t limit his ability to give by your capacity to receive. He has definitely got you. That’s what I learned this year hahah but easier said than done right?

“You know it’s nothing new / bad news never had good timing / but then, the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining / pain throws your heart to the ground / love turns the whole thing around/ no it won’t all go the way it should / but I know the heart of life is good” ---John Mayer

“…are you a pauper or a superstar / so you act, so you feel, so you are / it ain’t about the size of your car / it’s about the size of the faith in your heart / There’s hope, it doesn’t cost a thing to smile / you don’t have to pay to laugh / you better thank God for that”—India Arie


hello 2007.

be nice to me, please?
thanks.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FRIENDS!

it's tha first of tha month. make it a good one.