i don't want to think about it.

i'm hoping that this really is just my imagination...run wild.

fear of disappointment.

what?

i'm sorry if my cross gives you splinters.

i don't like aiming too high because i'm afraid of the fall.

in my life, worst case scenario is the only scenario.

this is why i'm not.

not your fault.

3am. sleep.

i'm a fashion misfit and the outfit i be wearing brothas dissin' it.

i'm sleepy.

i enrolled in classes today at 9am...C7, Ling 20, Educ 50, and perhaps...Sociology 2. be my friend and take one with me. if you want to. if you don't i don't blame you.

i need motivation.

peace out.

How beautiful love can be / On the streets love is hard to see / It's a place I got to be / Loving you is loving me / How beautiful love can be / On the streets love is hard to see / Gotta reach that frequency / Loving you is loving me

it's been such a whirlwind of a day. i went from crying to smiling to laughing...but all of it was done in love... from up above.

speaking of love from up above, i've now had my pink backpack for 1 whole year. we've had some good times together.

thank you for celebrating my twentieth aka twenteenth birthday with me... whether it was calling me on the phone, texting me, iming me, leaving me a facebook/myspace comment, coming to the apt at midnight (or a little past midnight) to surprise me, going to that little get-together tonight, singing to/for me, or writing on that grossly titled yet INCREDIBLY WONDERFUL scrapbook. i am so lucky and so blessed. i can't count the number of times you made me smile today. i never knew. you remind me of LOVE in every sense of the word. thank you for being such an amazing group of friends and for loving and accepting me for "who i am inside" HAHA! I LOVE YOU and i mean it.
How sweet it is to be loved by YOU. word.

more to come...
i'm so sleepy. i think i'm running on about 15 hours of sleep from the past 3 days. i'm gonna catch up on my sleep now.

thank You for today.
thank You for every day.

there are times, when you need someone, i will be by your side.

thank you for being my family of friends & for making irvine my home away from home.

sometimes i'm down and even when i think i'm going to be down permanently, you always find a way to make me smile again.

i can't even begin to describe how grateful i am to have people like you in my life. He has blessed me with so much through you.

thanks for the late surprise tonight. i was not expecting it...especially since i slept through the last hour or so of me being 19. i woke up to phone calls & i started to cry when i was talking to people (sorry angie & meechy)... i'm a baby. but then you guys came! yay. i liked this yr's surprise. i didn't get caked.

thanks roomie for being the best roomie ever and for comforting me when i was crying during the first few minutes of turning 20. how you put up with me, i don't even know.

it's different.

start of something new.

twenty.

thank You for another year of love.

i'm not being honest with you.

i'm not excited.

and no, it's not the fact that i'm "not a teen" anymore or that i'm not getting a cookie cake this year... we're not the same, birthdays are not the same & if you couldn't tell, i'm having some trouble accepting it. i don't even like being a debbie downer. i'll get over it by tomorrow. i promise.

"For I am God, there is no other, none beside Me... I call your name"

Thank You for the cross, Lord.

Isn't disturbing to think about how often, how negligently we discard things in our lives (many times, unknowingly)? whether it be things we've grown out of, things we no longer need, things that are bothering us, things that cause us pain, things that expose our open wounds, things that trigger the strongest of our emotions, things that we've tried so hard to suppress, things that bring us suffering... it has become second nature to toss something aside or subtly cover something up, especially the problems, the struggles or the crosses that we might be carrying for ourselves or for those around us. when we're fed up or when we feel that what we currently have no longer sustains us, our solution or quick fix lies in replacing that with something else. because it's failing us, we give up on it and seek sustenance in something new, something refreshing, something that we believe won't disappoint us because it's done nothing to test our faith in it. when times get hard, too often we ask Him to relieve us of our burdens, to lighten our load, to ease the weight of the crosses we carry...but Lent reminds us to ask Him for stronger shoulders instead. it's so easy to see Him in the happy times, to see Him in our high points that suddenly when we're faced with tribulations or obstacles that challenge us and our faith, we're quick to detest them and associate those struggles as though they are not of Him. we fail to see the gift & the beauty that exists in such struggles. What's more beautiful than His friendship, His love? He's allowing us to walk through the desert with Him... to see Him when He's suffering, to walk by Him when He's at His weakest, when He's most vulnerable. what do we do when we're presented with such a cross? escape? leave it entirely all up to Him and Him alone? He's not only carrying His own weight & cross, but our own. the least we can do is accompany Him, share in His journey because He definitely shares in ours. this lenten season, i want to try my hardest to be with Him... whether it's to be there for my family, my friends, or the strangers that i happen to cross paths with. be more than just a spectator, be His Simon, be His love.

if there's one thing i learned this year, it's that He lives in our struggles & i am so incredibly thankful for the blessings that have resulted from the crosses that He was willing to let me carry.

turn to Him.

iacts & the meeting last night was so good, so "gewd". THANKS. taking it back to freshman year... "yussss"

page 170 of 377 in one day. thank you very much. i can do this. this is do-able. i will manage. but first i will sleep. tomorrow: read, write, work, class, read, write.

i guess my train of thought comes when i should be sleeping. 3:30am? FANTASTIC.

i think i'm happy but a different kind of happy, less of the idealistic.

i know i'm not the same, my life You've changed.

dust to dust, clear the land, in God we trust... it's the blaze of glory, the blaze of glory...

it's ash wednesday.

thank You for this love, Lord.
when i'm empty, You replenish me.




377 pages to read & a reaction paper to write for friday?
No biggie.
HA!
i'm in a jam.

don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem.

"Years later, an examination of the high school records of these same children found that the more time they had spent viewing such educational programs as sesame street and mr. rogers, the higher their high school grades were." act like you know.

i don't wanna be anything other than what i've been trying to be lately... i don't wanna be anything other than me.

sonreir.
estar.
vivir.

p.s. janice i owe you lunch. sorry for postponing it. i suck.

p.p.s. here's to a day of procrastination with a little work & school in between.

UH OH... I AM STRESSED AGAIN!

goodbye to everything that i knew, you were the one i loved, the one thing that i tried to hold on to...

that was my first visit to diddy riese since summer & my last visit there until after lent. sad days ahead... but i think i will survive. btw for those concerned with the fact that it says "white chocolate macadamia nut" in the back... don't be. i got white chocolate chip & strawberry ice cream. that was a dollar twenty five well spent.

p.s. if anyone wants me to save them some cookies, i bought a diddy dozen in addition to my ice cream sandwich. 4 chocolate chip cookies, 4 cinnamon sugar cookies, & 4 white chocolate chip cookies. keep in mind that i'm saving at least 3 (one of each kind) for me HAHA.

i'm craving some cookie dough ice cream before wednesday. OR some cookies n cream. OR oreos. OR pizookies OR some albertsons cookies... or really just any cookie.

so i still have 30 pages of psych left to catch up on & what am i doing? blogging. i'm dumb.

i just got back to irvine & realized that this goal of attaining my license is COMPLETELY do-able. fear, i hate you and i will overcome you foo. luckily i was able to drive at least once this entire long weekend. i drove to ucla, sidestreet of course... sunset blvd all the way. i give myself props for that. if you know sunset, then you know it's not campus or university.

umm. wowowee! did you know that they no longer do the boom tarat tarat! it's a new dance...which goes "doo doo doo da da da aaaah aaaah"... gp you have quite a bit to catch up on.

ANYWAY, anna needs to study for real. this week doesn't seem like it wants to be my friend but i will make it... if it kills me... but i'm not that dramatic.

i'm home alone! my roommates haven't come home yet. i think i'm gonna take a shower & read & then sleep? early?

HA! we'll see. i'm a stubborn girl. good night! eye heart u.

It's not far to Never-Never Land
No reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy
Of innocence again
Oh, the canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Baby believe me

Sailing takes me away
To where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and a wind to carry me
Soon I will be free

if you'd just let go, if you let your heart go. every weekend spent at home is a new lesson learned. i'm beginning that part of my life where i can see past your imperfections. grudges hold you back...grudges are obstacles to love. seeing you through His eyes makes it easier to love you. although things aren't always smooth sailing, i appreciate weekends like this with you. baby steps. that's all. just the way you are.

know your roots. it's easier to understand & accept who a person is once you know where the person comes from... it's a lesson that both children & parents have to learn eventually. the outside only says so much. despite all the jokes & the teasing, it all comes back to love. a family that prays together stays together. thank You for your many blessings & family is just one of them. love hurts. a good indicator of how much someone means to you is if that person has the ability to put a smile on your face AND bring you to tears... not maliciously & even unintentionally (most of the time).

put down your bags, love. i know in the past, love has been sort of hard on you but i see the God in you. i just wanna nurture it, though this love may hurt a bit...

it's kind of scary how the baggage that you carry has an effect on the people around you, whether you're conscious of it or not. even when you try to keep that emotional baggage hidden, life finds a way to unpack all of it and you're left sorting through the pieces. the key to finding yourself in all the mess is organization & patience. clutter can't achieve clarity so handle it. one day at a time.

it's tearin' up my heart when i'm with you. i don't know how jiles scores 99's at magic mic when he doesn't necessary sing in tune. "liza, you're twenty? i remember when you were this tall...unbelievable" i can't believe it either. we had a joint family birthday party and celebrated my auntie didi's, uncle ricky's, and my birthday. yay red ribbon mango cake.

dad: josep! is that a coke? what happened to you? you don't want a beer?!

that's my dad for you. he got mad that jiles got higher scores than him. if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. if you're lucky, you'll get to hear him sing. he's the life of the family parties. ha ha ha.

i should be studying & i will be in 10 minutes. prayers for this midterm please. i have made no progress at home.

chinese zodiac horoscopes & just horoscopes in general amuse me to no end. happy new year! of the pig!

dude so much food this weekend. oh filipino food. traffic coming back to la from sd was horrible. we left at 4:30 and got home at 7.

alright let's get down to business.

praying for you all. there's beauty in the breakdown. just offer your brokenness to Him & l-o-v-e.


this one's for you! and you perhaps. hey i don't want to leave you out so this one's for everyone:
you're not missing out on anything in life if you're living it. instead of dwelling on what could've, would've, or should've happened, embrace the fact that something is.. WORD.

I am fairly agile / I can bend and not break / Or I can break and take it with a smile / And I am so resilient / I recover quickly / I'll convince you soon that I am fine / Try to understand there's and old mistake that fools will make / And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away / Wont you hold me now (I will not bend I will not break)

sometimes i frustrate myself with just how skilled i am at picking at things/situations/circumstances until there's nothing left. i pick and pick until it's all skin & bones... or maybe just bones. convincing myself that something is important enough for me to worry about is my forte. someone once told me that i like to worry about things or that worrying about life makes me feel better... and unfortunately i'd have to agree. there's just this part of me that refuses to accept life as it is...especially when faced with the positive side of it. i guess deep down, i'm still clinging to the naive & romanticized idea of life conspiring against me...call it foolishness, i call it teen angst. if you haven't noticed, i like to point out everything that's wrong with me or with a situation or problem so much so that i tend to forget the "bright side." somehow i breathe more easily believing that the environment & world around me is made to accommodate my inevitable failure & that i've been given this unshakable inability to overcome the disabling circumstances that are placed upon me. however, lately i've come to realize that although it's difficult to avoid thinking such thoughts, i should come to terms with the truth. life is what you make of it. i have to accept my responsibility in these dealings of life. try as i might to believe that this recent, happy string of events & all the good things that i've experienced lately have just miraculously fallen on my lap, i can't just dismiss my involvement or contribution to my "luck" aka my "accomplishments." i'm slowly being forced to or (surprisingly) choosing to let go of such an unhealthy habit. how can we get through life if we focus on the negative? i'm pretty sure we'd never see sunlight because we'd be too depressed to get out of bed in the morning. and where's the good or God in that?! when something good happens to you, accept it & thank Him (because he lives in you) rather than belittle yourself and over magnify the good that you believe exists in others or the world around you.

i don't know what i'm saying. all i know is that it's 9:01pm and I am INCREDIBLY sleepy. i still haven't been able to study for my midterm on wednesday! screwed.

i went with my mom to do errands today. i bought new sunglasses haha. then we visited alex and watched a little bit of his dance marathon. picture 2000 college students in one huge auditorium dancing like there's no tomorrow. let's just say it took awhile to find him. i'm really happy for him. he's made the most of his college experience & he's done so successfully. after that, we went home & i bought myself original flavored pinkberry yogurt with cap'n crunch, strawberries, & yogurt chips. yum. it's been quite a hot day. since then, i've been home, trying to fix the computer on my own because this dumb pop-up kept saying that my computer was infected. so without alex's help, i re-installed ad-aware & ran that and spy-bot and fortunately got rid of it. yay for me. boo for him. he met & took a picture with phil of the future! how jealous am i & how jealous are you?

so i got called for that grown up service that all registered voters & licensed drivers are eventually called to do. ugh i'm so annoyed. when i got it i was about to tell my mom i'm not old enough to go... and then i realized, i am. i'm gonna postpone it because first of all, i have school & second of all, i have no means of driving myself there. laaame. one more reason to get my license soon. if you can't tell, i'm frustrated.

aside from all these things going on, i still have maintained my smile foools. can't nobody take my pride, can't nobody hold me down HAHAHA.

in other news, i met a few of alex's friends. apparently he's in the talks for being voted "sama-hottie" at the end of the year! SICKKKKKKKKK RIGHT?! =P

speaking of sick, hey erweirdo, stop talking to people when you're number 2-ing lol.

so yes.

nineTEEN yrs young for a few more days.

praying for you & i mean it. i don't like feeling helpless.

i love your smile, so smile please! thanks.

p.s. many bday shoutouts! :)
Happy 20th Birthday Dime / Diana Mezaaaaa!!! you gangsta. hope you have a BOMBBBB day (that's something you'd say). i miss you. no one else reps echo park like you do. hope santa cruz is treating you well.

Happy 20th Birthday Joy! the chambered nautilus misses you haha.

Happy 20th Birthday Flo!!! this time last year we were eating at guppy's... but you're in argentina. i hope you have a wonderful birthday!

P.P.S. i'm praying that britney spears regains her senses somehow. she is a very lost & confused girl, who's not yet a woman. as a former teenybopper, my heart is breaking at how much she's neglecting herself & her kids. SHE'S BALD! this wouldn't have happened if she stayed with justin timberlake when she was a 19 yr old. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS WORLD?! on a lighter note, trent made me laugh because of his headline... "britney shears" HA HA HA HA.

hello my best friend, do you remember everything that we shared in the backyard of the treehouse in the springtime of our youth... dream dream that's all i do, dream dream about me and you.

i just got off the phone with gen...i love catching up with her, even if it's only for a minute or two. "act surprised." i think my friends spoil me sometimes. i don't know what i do to deserve the love but i'm wholeheartedly grateful for it.

does convenience dictate the stability of your friendship? because it definitely does not dictate His.

so lately i've been thinking a lot about this whole growing up business.

i told jay the other day that i prefer writing over public speaking because i can easily correct the errors i make with the hit of one button... backspace. it's the greatest thing ever, especially for perfectionists. if only reality / life came with a backspace button. i'd overuse it. that or a "foom." but then again, how would we move forward if we consistently chose to go back? and lastly, no longer being able to see a mistake doesn't erase it from your memory. enter.

i put a halt to my train of thought ages ago.

believe in yourself.

i am at the library blogging because i have 30 more minutes until class starts. i think i'm going home tonight. i have no internet there so that pretty much sucks. we finally convinced my parents to get rid of dial-up at least.

ha! i drove. if anyone wants to practice driving with me (and won't yell at me) & trusts me with their car (and their life haha jk), let me know. thaaanks.

february 24th, next saturday, please tell me you're free. if not, it's okay too. it's not a big deal.

so yesterday, i was working at the window of the registrar's office when this U.S. investigative services lady approached me. she needed transcripts. i got really nervous and intimidated... because she works for the government. anyway, at the end of the whole transaction she said "well, i'll need your name and your title"... i was overcome by anxiety and i'll let the rest of the conversation speak for itself.

me: "my name is annaa?"
lady: anna what? what's the first initial of your last name?
me: "anna zero."
lady: zero????!
me: "ohh nooo i meant anna oh! anna O!!! not zero!
lady: what's your title?
me: student worker.

with that, i bid you adieu. have a wonderful friday friends! keep it gangsta. praying for you all.

i sympathize.

let's compare iTunes playlists!

thanks for this week.

edit @ 7:05pm. my mom's almost here. i can smell corned beef downstairs cause theresa & danny are making it for dinner. yum. uh yeah that's all.

John Legend & Corrine Bailey Rae in concert... April 3, 2007 at Bren Events fools & April 6, 2007 at the Gibson Amphitheater in LA! I really want to gooooo. the end.

Laughing with your pretty mouth / Laughing with your broken eyes / Laughing with your lover's tongue / In a lullaby / Where do you go when you're lonely / Where do you go when you're blue / Where do you go when you're lonely / I'll follow you / When the stars go blue...

So I just woke up. Horrible. I've been missing my opportunities to go to daily mass! what is wrong with me?! I slept around 3 a.m. last night. My roommates theresa & christine had the following conversation:

Christine: I think Anna's been replaced by a robot.
Theresa: Yeah I know. She leaves the house really early and gets back really late.
Christine: Seriously, I bet she does her homework when she sleepwalks.

I'm assuming that they're referring to my schedule of LIFE. Sometimes I think I take on too much and some times I take on too little but judging from their conversation, I may be taking on too much. Whatever.

Yesterday actually wasn't that busy of a day. I went to work at 9 then class, then free hugs, then class then work. Then I went to PASS and we went to the PASS after event at Jamba Juice and visited Kirs. Then I ate at Brandywine with Jamie & Khrystyn. good talks. then i went home and got a delivery of cupcakes. they were delicious. thank you!

like parent, like offspring.

ha ha ha.

i talked to my mom about my tentative plans for my future last night (after she nagged me about FAFSA but a mom's a mom). anyway, she was incredibly supportive and told me to "go for it." it made me happy.

that "happy valentine's day" greeting meant more to me than you'll ever know. even if the "i love you" was implied. learn to open up. i just might be starting to let you in.

sometimes saying things makes it real.
so i want to be a counselor or a teacher whose job eventually leads into that of counseling. i think that's what my heart is telling me to do. i went to the education panel on Tuesday (thanks for coming with me bellamay) and I can see myself doing that.

I close my eyes at night / Wondering where would I be without you in my life / Everything I did was just a bore / Everywhere I went it seems I'd been there before / But you brighten up for me all of my days / With a love so sweet in so many ways / I want to stop and thank you baby / I just want to stop and thank you baby / How sweet it is to be loved by you / How sweet it is to be loved by you

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

Thank You for that "epiphany" today.

It's funny how contagious a person's emotions are. When you're happy, the world really does smile with you...or at least I hope it does. Adrian noticed it and said there was something different about me today, that I seemed more cheerful. Quite a handful of people told me that and i am glad.

Today or last night was the first time this entire quarter that I could honestly say, "I am happy." I feel better than just okay right now. And I don't mind if it's only for a day. I'm just glad that I've been able to open my heart up enough recently to receive that feeling of happiness; of love.

I'm here for all of you! :)

Um yes, I'm tired. I should sleep. I have work at 9 tomorrow! But I'm happy so I thought I should blog about this momentous occasion.

"how can you help people with broken hearts if your heart's never been broken?" vulnerability & trust.

I love You and you and you and you!

And this is a really short blog.

I will blog again! when i have time...

reminders: blog about tutoring & my "epiphany" (i think you'd be proud! haha... i think i finally made my own decision).

instead of asking "what's wrong?" ask "what's not wrong?" i learned that in my peace class haha.

wow im so happy that i'm totally ignoring the fact that i took a midterm today and only feel "so-so" about it. hooray!

good night! im sleepy. my head hurts. i better wake up by 8 tomorrow! if i don't please wake me up.

my blogs have been very meechy-esque lately hahah.

P.S. this is random but props to liwanag guys for being genuinely good guys...there are a lot of not-good/bad guys out there anddddd i just realized that lately sooo props to you. you don't get a lot of recognition for being the "good guys" but all girls appreciate what you do because i know i do. thanks for holding doors open, making sure people are safe or okay, thanks for being you! keep up the good work? haha. the end.

edit @ 5:15pm:
a p a l o r 2 1 (12:39:35 AM): soooo what fantastic valentines plans do you have
a p a l o r 2 1 (12:39:50 AM): wheres your hot date taking you
annanymouslizard (12:40:24 AM): hahah I WISH!
annanymouslizard (12:40:26 AM): im a loner
a p a l o r 2 1 (12:41:33 AM): yeah right...
a p a l o r 2 1 (12:41:35 AM): dont be modest
a p a l o r 2 1 (12:41:36 AM): lol
annanymouslizard (12:41:46 AM): im not
annanymouslizard (12:41:51 AM): whos YOUR valentine?
a p a l o r 2 1 (12:42:00 AM): my mom =)
annanymouslizard (12:42:11 AM): hahah good answer

LAST MIDTERM TOMORROW!

yes i'm studying.

calm down fools.

anyway quick blog...

thanks bmay & abby for "studying" at bernannas today. you're always welcome...barney bag! mr. rogers! haha.

umm, yes i need to memorize so i'll ttyl.

good luck on midterms and papers.

praying for you all.

yesterday's tutoring session was an interesting one. the end. i'll blog more once tomorrow comes around.

there's a hero if you look inside your heart you don't have to be afraid of what you are there's an answer if you reach into your soul and the sorrow that you know will melt away / and then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on and you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive / so when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong and you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in YOU

kirs' away message got me into mariah carey's "music box" album. i like how most of her album titles are girly. that is all. this song is for rica! she's one of my heroes! :) haha.

f a i t h is active, not passive.

You're my reminder.

i'm going up & growing up and finally growing into my own.

now if only i could put some of my energy into studying, life would be much easier.

school kills me sometimes or a lot of the time.

plan it.

i'm sleepy. i got 10 hours of sleep last night. i woke up at 12:30 haha. then i spent 2 hours online doing nothing except change my facebook picture and my myspace profile. that is ridiculous. oh well. i deserved it after yesterday's productivity.

i'm sad... i missed john mayer, john legend's and corrine bailey rae's performance today. i only caught the last part of it. lame. that's what youtube is for. justin is so hot. i love him. i wish i met justin instead of jc hahah. that girl who sang with him is so lucky.

bernie's such a p-i-m-p. ladies is pimps too, go and brush yo' shoulders off.

tomorrow's another one of those long days. we shall get through it together!

even though you may not know it, i'm praying for you. i'm not used to seeing you like this & i know you don't like talking about things but i'm here for you... i'm literally a walk away haha and you probably don't even read this but yes, i'm here for you friend! time has nothing on this friendship.

i'm craving thai bbq or some filipino food...even though i just had some on friday but you can never get enough.

let's talk.

i wanna do one of those long blog entries... when i have time.

it's weird how even when i do have time, i stop myself from doing a lot of things i need to do. could be fear, could be laziness, could be indifference. but i need to learn to do things on my own. take initiative.

hope everyone has a wonderful manic Monday. you wish it was Sunday.

i can show you the world shining shimmering splendid / tell me princess now when did you last let your heart decide / i can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder / over sideways and under on this magic carpet ride / a whole new world...

now this is what i call a weekend of productivity. i'm glad i had time to just rest. so i woke up around 10 this morning and organized files on my computer cause it was messy and then i worked on and finished FAFSA, FINALLY. so apparently, i'm filing my first set of income taxes this year. i'm probably only gonna get like 60 bucks back but hey, it's cool with me, as long as i'm not the one doing the calculating.

after FAFSA, i seriously fell asleep. i took a nap around 2 and then i woke up around 4 or so. i ate my leftover beefsteak for lunch... a very late lunch. then i went to pelican bay to study and i did! i finished my e8 study guide practically! and i wrote the vocab words on index/note cards. then we ate dinner there. compliments to the chef for some yummy fettucini alfredo, garlic bread, mashed potatoes, broccoli, and pineapple upside down cake. for a second, i felt like i wasn't a college student, who had to eat junk food for the rest of her college career. yum. we watched my all time favorite disney movie, aladdin... and then i found it... my ALL-TIME hands down favorite American Idol audition/contestant...

the panther man. dude that was THE hardest i've laughed in a long time. i don't remember the last time i laughed that hard... oh yeah it was at benefit concert when angie took those funny tractor pictures. anyway back to panther man, I was crying of laughter. sooooo goood. his trademark moves and panther crawl are classic. i made kirs play it over and over and over again. hahaha. i laugh just thinking about it. i'm gonna think about it whenever i'm sad..."sweet princess" HA! thank you meechy, kirs, kathee & marites for your hospitality and thanks dean for the ride there & back! i love my p.bay visits.

how'd i get so lucky? i got to hang out with good friends two days in a row :)

i have a bruise on my left arm... because i accidentally hit it against something. who knows? it hurts. that adds to the bruise i have on my left thigh and left knee. it's like the left side of my body bruises easily.

now im back at the apt. thank you bernie for my St. Rose of Lima prayer card from San Juan Capistrano. random fact: not only is St. Rose my LOG family's saint...she is also my confirmation saint... so I am Anna Liza Rose? Anna Rose? Anna Rose Liza? Anyway I love it.

Tomorrow I will decorate my wall for sure and continue to study and start to read.

thekatdraggedin: i would have thought you went home since your nose is a waterfall

thanks a lot.

gonna take a nap.

to-do today:
[x] fafsa
[ ] write a letter to my brother for his dance marathon thing
[ ] read
[ ] study for E8
[ ] clean my room & organize, organize, organize
[ ] finally put stuff up on my bare wall because christine & bernie told me to... "it has so much potential"

i've been workin' all day, but now i'm done so see ya
it's time for play, name a place i'll meet ya

meechy's gonna shake her head at me when she reads this.

i promise i'm gonna sleep soon, not because you guys are telling me to but because i need to/want to. i can make my own decisions. i'm almost 20 =P

i feel so honored to be in your guys' presence. thanks for today/night. it's like coolness by association. masarap ang pagkain? i think that's how you say it. that was the BIGGEST DJ's i've ever seen in my entire life. good food, good company. i love it. you make me smile. sorry i knocked out. i am old & sick & tireddd.

TIRED.

um yeah, i don't think reading to kids today is possible. first i need to sleep because i'm still not fully well yet, then i need to do fafsa, and then i need to read slash study for e8. then i need to just rest and relax because next week's not gonna be a piece of cake.

why do i put blogging before everything else?! beats me.

i'm craving "sprinkles" cupcakes even though i've never had them before.

prayers all around!

this weekend should be an interesting one?

"how did i even get here?" - story of my life!

post #284.

here goes nothing.

i hope i pass.

no it's not my driving test.... it's a midterm... JUST a midterm?

i'm tired and worn out.

let go and let God.

have a wonderful friday!

praying for you.

i wanna stand up / i wanna let go / you know you know, no you don't you don't .../ another head aches, another heart breaks / I'm so much older than i can take / and my affection well it comes and goes / i need direction to perfection no no no no homey oh / yeah you know you gotta help me out, yeah / oh don't you put me on the backburner

sometimes i think you think too highly of me... but then i try to remind myself to love... learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.

i am so disappointed in my procrastination. there's a possibility that i might not do as well as i want to tomorrow. BOO. ugh.

i have been in the library since 4. it's now 8:35pm. i got a lot done though... i read 3 chapters of one book, 44 pages of another, and 3 more chapters of another and those are all the pages she told us to focus on for the midterm. plus i did one of the two study guides AND i took notes while reading. i've been helping myself quite a bit today... God helps those who help themselves. Please let it be true!

this is the only place where i can get things done.

that's getting harder but this is getting easier.

this or that. this or that.

such a stressful day at work. i covered the phones for a few hrs, which wasn't so bad... until Nalia left and I was left with the window! one window was open and that was mine... so i had to put up with mean people. one guy almost made me feel like crying... ALMOST but i'm tough so i cussed him out...

HAHAHA.

just kidding!

i didn't cuss him out BUT i was pretty firm in defending the rules. yeaah son. act like you know.

i'm in over my head right now...with life.

let's hope for the best!

i feel like the ground's shaking. i hope this isn't an earthquake. scaryyy.

my nose is still red. yuck. i still need to eat dinner. and i still have some major studying to do.

no regrets though.

praying for all of you because you're my sunshine after the rain, you're the cure against my fear and my pain, and i'm losing my mind when you're not around, it's all it's all because of you!

Love.

i'm in a mess and it's all my fault. here's to cramming all day today.

prayers please.

at least my nose isn't that runny anymore. thanks pelican bay for the medicine!

it's sooo early! but i have work in less than an hour. yay phones.

somehow, this day will be beautiful. i'm thinking positively.

i'm sick. my nose is really red.

anyway, i plan on spending the night at home studying. yuck.

i'm still in disbelief.

blossoming? perhaps.

this is growth.

i'm sleepy. all i want to do is take a nap but i have to go to pass to pay my dues.

thank You for yesterday.

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine, i'm leavin' my life in your hands / people say i'm crazy and that i am blind / riskin' it all in a glance / and how you got me blind is still a mystery, i can't get you out of my head / don't care what is written in your history / as long as you're here with me / i don't care who you are / where you're from /don't care what you did as long as you love me

that's what He says.

thank You.

if i haven't asked you lately, how are you?

each day gets better.

i hate when my lymph nodes are swollen.

i'm so behind. balance please.

i want to press pause.

let's all do homework. studies first!

making melodies in my heart.

i don't know where i'm going but thank You for holding my hand & leading me.

sometimes i can't help but worry...if not for me, but for you.

i'm praying for you. life is not all that bad, my friends.

i'm grateful for the Love from Above.

so tomorrow will involve more cramming on my part. gotta get down to business...bid'ness son.

soul star, oh you've come so far from where you started, don't be afraid to let your light shine on the world.

I'm Yours.

fear is an obstacle.

i'm a little under the weather but i'm not gonna let that stop me.

Thank You for a beautiful day. Regardless of its length and of my tiredness, I found rest in You today. You carried me.

I love tutoring. I missed it. a lot.

Best part: "I don't think I could've done all of my homework today if you didn't help me. Are you coming back soon?"

I have a new name. A little girl, who has Jamie-like mannerisms dubbed me "Sana?" (sounds like sauna)...she's gangsta. "Peace out foo"..."dude I got skillz", "you wanna battle me?", "i'm a rapper, not a math-er" in regards to doing her math homework.

I felt like such a grown-up today with all my responsibilities. School, work, tutoring, interview, friends... what a well balanced day. It was a good bonding day with the freshies haha. Thanks for the yummy lunch twin @ heart, thanks for swiping me into Brandywine Jamie and thanks for having dinner with us Lennar, and thanks for studying with us Khrystyn, and thanks for taking me home meechy and thanks for taking me and kathy to surprise mel, dean.

Who am I?

i've used this song before but i'm bringing it back.

Lord I come to You / let my heart be changed, renewed flowing from the grace that i've found in You / Lord I've come to know the weaknesses I see in me / will be stripped away by the power of Your love / hold me close / let Your love surround me / bring me near / draw me to Your side / and as I wake / I'll rise up like the eagle / and i will soar with You/ Your spirit leads me on / in the power of Your love.

Come, come unto Me I will make you a jewel.

let's love ourselves and we can't fail.

happy birthday mel! you are a very cool friend. thanks for everything! you're a blessing.

P.S. TRINA, it's funny how it's currently 3:15am and I AGREE! let's fix it.

i should be concerned about this but i am not. only a few more days to cram...with too much to do during the day! wow. okay enough blogging, time to get things done. prayers.

"oh you can be what you wanna be see what you wanna see believe in yourself just believe in yourself / you can go where you wanna go do what you wanna do believe in yourself just believe in yourself / some folks try to tell you there are things you shouldn't do that you're not strong enough or smart enough at all / but what seems right to them quite often might be wrong for you / so be sure you try to climb before you get too scared to fall / you can be what you wanna be learn what you wanna learn believe in yourself just believe in yourself / you can try what you need to try no one should question why / believe in yourself just believe in yourself...and the world belongs to you and me."

long day ahead of me.

10-11 urban soc lecture
11-12 lunch with kathy
12-1 p9 lecture
1-2 work
2-3 peace is every step seminar
3-3:20- break
3:20-6 tutoring at santa ana library
6-8:30- dinner & work on homework?
8:30- pass interview
??- ??- study study study!

not to mention my headache's gone but i think i have sipon.

I'm asking You to please give me strength.

thank you for another lovely day.

"don't limit God's ability to do by your capacity to receive."-Worley

and if it isn't love, why does it hurt so bad, make me feel so sad inside? if it isn't love

Alex has been trying to learn the dance to that New Edition song this whole weekend because "it's classic." Anyway, that's why it's in my head.

I feel sort of rejuvanated. I slept at 9pm last night and woke up around 9am this morning. 12 hours! hahah.

But then I also had a headache today and my nose is kind of runny. I took tylenol. My headache's going away I guess. I hope I'm not getting sick. I refuse to. There's too much to do.

I thought yesterday would be spent doing homework but I was wrong. I got home and we went to Salo Salo Grill in Glendale to celebrate Nanay's 91st birthday and she's still going strong. It's always good times hanging out with Gen. Even though she forced me to go shopping with her at the Gall after the party till like 4 despite how tired I was. We went shopping for her 14 yr old cousin and she ended up buying her 80 dollar skinny black jeans at Guess. Crazy. I didn't buy anything haha. I went home and my brother was home from UCLA. And then we just watched tv for a while.

So last night I was reading my old dramatic teenage journals. And when I flipped to one of the pages, I found an unopened envelope with my name on it. It was from my Auntie Didi (the wife of my uncle who just passed away). The timing's always right...or more like His timing's always right. I've been stressed with school recently and the card happened to be a birthday card from 2 yrs ago that I hadn't opened. I don't know why. It said:


Dear Anna Liza,
Here's to wishing you a very happy birthday and hoping that you're enjoying your studies. I know it's hard to be away from loved ones. I went through that many times over. You'll find out later on that these little bumps in life are necessary in order to enjoy your successes in whatever field you go into. Try to focus on what you want to be. Remember God is always with you. All you have to do is ask for His help. Don't forget that your parents will do anything for you. Our best wishes from us all, God bless! Love, Auntie Didi


Funny how I'm reading it almost exactly 2 years later. It's dated Feb. 24, 2005.

I can't help but feel overwhelmed sometimes.

I'm going to focus now. I have a midterm coming up this Friday and lots of things to do in between. Praying for you all. Thanks for the prayers.

p.s. i went to the new pinkberry on vermont that meechy told me about and there, i discovered my ultimate favorite combination of flavors...the original pinkberry frozen yogurt with strawberries and cap'n crunch. i am craving for more.

when i dream, all i see is you and me back when we were free, doing God all dances, taking crazy chances, oh baby no one else will ever love you more than me open up your heart and let your soul be free to love love remember love remember love remember remember remember love

Adriana Evans. Good stuff.

3:26am. I laugh at my bad sleeping habits.

Tomorrow should be fun right? I ask you as if you know...actually I meant today not tomorrow.

It's Nanay Choleng's birthday party! I love her. She's like my second grandma. Actually she's Gen's grandma but she's practically like mine. She would pick me and Gen up from IHM after school and then cook us food and Gen would never be able to finish her rice so she'd put it on my plate and Nanay would get mad.

Um so it was quite a long day. I messed up at work. Free transcripts anyone? hahah. jk. wow i really feel bad about it.

Kirs, I love your car. It is almost as cool as you are. It can never be as cool as its owner though hahaha... AWK-WARD. Thanks for the ride to shawshank. Will, thanks for the ride back.

lots to do this weekend and this upcoming week.

i'm scared...maybe i can't.

won't you tell me how to get, how to get to sesame street?

happy birthday brenton! you're old foo.

praying for you all.

we fly high, no lie, we awkward.

AWK-WARDDDDD!

i'm too tired to care...about anything really.

i just want to be done. it's not like it's even a big deal but you know when you feel this way, you tend to make mountains out of mole hills.

i'm exhausted.

where's my heart?
because i want to find home.

remind me to rest.

2:41 am and yet again I am up, up, and awake.

fear makes me wait.

...we gotta swallow it. your heart and mind baby follow it. smile, happiness you can model it. and when you feel opposite, i just want you to know...your whole being is beautiful. imma do the best that i can do, cause i'm my best when i'm with You.

easier said than done.

i'm getting there.

independence is what i'm striving for... but what if a huge part of me is still the same little dependent girl that walks around in circles, fooling herself into thinking she can do everything on her own.

i've got to stop looking outside and start looking in.

the time to be happy is NOW,
the place to be happy is HERE,
and the way to be happy
is to make others happy
and to build a little heaven down here.

happy birthday frances fqa! you're beautiful!

Edit: This is anna the m&m. see the resemblance?

hello february.

thank you, you, you, you, and You for today and yesterday and for tomorrow. You're a blessing.

i should sleep now. i have a paper to start and finish by tomorrow. sorry for the short entries.


Happy 19th birthday Khrystyn sauce & happy 22nd birthday janice aka weirdo! i love you both! have a beautiful one.