so day 1 of being back in irvine & what did i do? wake up later than i was supposed to, headed to campus around 11 and had lunch at Wholesome Choice with brenton, went to Men's Wearhouse on Culver and in Costa Mesa, grabbed an ICEE from Target, and then went to Franklin Covey to buy a planner refill, then worked from 2-5pm. Not too productive but it was a good day. I'm really excited about my planner... but then again I always am when I get a new planner. I feel like now my legit adult life can really begin. now i'm just killing time until i get to FINALLY watch 17 again with kirs & kathy for ZAC EFRON! fun times. i will keep telling myself to be productive and until then, i'm just gonna kick back & enjoy the free time that accompanies life after college.

happy 2 years mr. bagahan!

these past two years have been quite the adventure. it still feels like it was only yesterday when you took me to sprinkles & told me to take a seat on the street curb outside of berkeley court lol. i still remember you leaving for England & giving you that journal to write your study abroad stories on (btw, i think i still have it lol). i also remember buying a ton of phone cards and counting down the hours until i could talk to you. hellogoodbye's song "call n' return" pretty much summed up that month of summer for me.

it's funny because there have been so many instances when we've had to confront major changes in our relationship and in spite of all that, you've always been so sure of us & of everything: the fights/arguments, the times when we didn't get to see each other as much, you being in England, you starting grad school in UCLA (notice the trend of you leaving lol jk). you have been my stronghold. i assumed this past year was going to be extremely hard on us both and it probably was but we made it through somehow & our relationship has grown stronger because of it. thank you for being so positive, encouraging and supportive... even when you couldn't physically be there for me, you went out of your way to show me how much you care through your texts, phone calls, emails, notes and even the flowers. you're the best friend i could ever ask for. thank you for putting up with all my ridiculous antics, sporadic temper tantrums, & tearful breakdowns. i'm sorry for the times i've taken you for granted or for the times that i've been stubborn (and we both know that happens a lot). i'm especially sorry for the times i didn't listen :(

you have definitely seen me at my worst & at the same time, you have helped me to become my best. if you ever need a reminder of that, refer to the next two photos:

take 1: blurry
(i took the picture on my own)



take 2: perfect
(brenton angled the camera)

thank you for being that reason.

here's to many more adventures to come!

I LOVE YOU!

Labels: brenton

btw, i still want to see that movie.

i know i haven't blogged lately and there is so much i need to update you on...

but before i do all that, i need to sleep soon. i can sense my parents coming over to my room and telling me to sleep ugh. also, i don't have health insurance because i'm not a full time student! hello real world.

my summer & life to do list at the moment:
- travel (anywhere! but hopefully on a plane!!!!!!!)
- apply to a ton of internships & jobs and tailor my resume and cover letters like crazy
- gradually move stuff out of shawshank & into my new place aka home :/
- re-decorate & re-arrange my room at home!
- buy a new planner... or at least the inside of it because mine expires in june
- explore & drive around LA more even though i hate it
- gain confidence in driving on the freeway!
- learn how to cook
- find my ring of vocab cards from a.p. english & add more vocab words to it! study the words!
- buy or borrow a GRE book.
- research counseling/higher ed programs.
- buy a gym membership & actually work out with my brother (LAWL!)
- spend less time in front of the computer
- watch TV/ catch up on shows! :)
- try out new restaurants!
- manage my money better!!!!!!!
- save, save, save.
- spend lots of time with friends & family.
- go to liwanag summer meetings!
- sleep early & wake up early (HA!)

that is all i can come up with right now. to be continued...

p.s. watched Up. it was AMAZING.

everything is happening too fast for me right now... and it feels like just when i've finally caught up with school & finished the things i need to do for each of my classes, there are a million other things that i need to do that i am constantly being reminded of and i know i'm sounding like a baby right now for wanting to just avoid everything these next few days but i've gotten tired of the "what are you gonna do after graduation" questions or the "what are your plans for the future". how can i answer questions about what's next when i'm still trying to deal with the present & right now? i just want to breathe and i know that there are a ton of things that i'm "supposed to be doing right now" but what if i just want to relax for a little? i've been so on-the-go and non-stop the past few weeks, months & even the whole year, what if i just want some time to myself?! i am so tired (and i know that everyone is) but i'm entitled to feeling this way too... and you know what else?


i am so scared.





i'm sorry.

& all i wanna do is stop for a minute.

let me be please.

So during my second year of college, while blogging, I came up with this clever idea of giving finals tips during each finals week. I have no idea why I did it but I spent the past few minutes compiling them and here is what I came up with... sure, some of them are pretty ridiculous (writing a rhyme?!?! what the heck?!) but some of them are actually pretty helpful. I'm gonna try to add a few more this week! Enjoy! Good luck on Finals!!!!

Finals week tip #1:
when stressed, breathe, pray, & color.

Finals week tip #2:
when stressed, blog.
i should start studying but you know what? i feel like writing & that is a feeling that i just can't shake. the best blog entries happen under pressure... or during an extremely emotional time and i'm currently experiencing the first.

finals week tip #3:
when stressed, eat (but don't over-eat).

finals tip #4
when stressed, fill out a survey.

finals tip #5
when stressed, write some rhymes to kill the time.

finals tip #6:
when stressed (and when you want to see people's away messages but not be logged on), go to buddyinfo.aim.com/away.
AIM is NOT your best friend around this time of the quarter so if you know that signing onto AIM will just add to your list of distractions and if you just want to see who's online or if someone's away, here is a nifty little link to satisfy your urges. you'll thank me later.
buddy info…it's the solution to your distraction problems.

finals tip #7:
when you can't concentrate, DON'T force yourself to study. take a breather & step away from the books. more than often, all you need to re-energize yourself is a little break from studying... and that is exactly what i'm doing right now. try it.

Finals week tip #8: when you can't study anymore, SLEEP. sleep is the ultimate energy booster. that is why i slept in today.

finals tip #9: when stressed, do something that will make you happy i.e. look at old photos.

finals tip #10: think positively.

finals week tip #11: don't get too distracted.

finals tip #12:
find a quiet place to study... or just find the right place to study in general. some people like to study with noise while other people need to study in silence. some people prefer their apartments while others like studying on campus. whatever the case may be, you should find the study area that is right for you. in my case, it's the library or the study lounge. i function better in silence. let's face it, i practically live here... for this week at least.

finals tip #13: stay calm.

finals week tip #14: bring headphones or earplugs when you are studying in a public place. it can get loud.

finals tip #15:
you don't have to study by yourself... sometimes studying with company is just what you need. however, you shouldn't get too distracted by the company either. company + productivity not company - productivity

Finals tip #16: Manage your time well... or in other words, if you have multiple finals make sure to spread out the studying throughout the week if you can... or at least try to spend an equal amount of time studying each subject. it sucks to cram information about one subject all in one day... but we're all still guilty of doing it.

finals week tip # 17: eat.

finals tip #18: take breaks.

finals tip #19: don't focus on other people, focus on YOURSELF. no comparisons.

finals tip # 20: remember to breathe.
i did that today before taking my final and it helped a lot because i was so anxious but breathing in & breathing out right before the test helped me refocus my thoughts.

finals tip # 21: laugh. what's a finals week without laughter? if you start to take the studying a little too seriously, call a friend, read a blog or something that will make you laugh...it's a nice break from it all AND it takes your mind off of things for a little while. laughter is always the best medicine.

finals week tip # 22: grab breakfast/ lunch/dinner with a friend. i know it's easy to be greedy with your study time... but you're gonna have to eat eventually. why not eat with a friend and release some of that finals anxiety with good conversation & a good meal. yummmm.

finals week tip #23:
enjoy the moment & relax.

finals week tip #24:
if you can, utilize the weekend you have before finals to do most of your studying... to avoid EXTREME last minute cramming. i did that this quarter and got through all 4 chapters and 5 articles that i needed to read for my class. now all i have to do is go over my lecture notes... but if you're smart, you probably started studying long before finals week.

finals week tip #25:
this is a lesson that was learned the hard way, bring an extension cord or surge protector if you're studying with friends who all need to use their laptops... otherwise, you're gonna have to switch off all the time.

finals week tip #26:
study outside! julienne taught me this yesterday. i spent all day cooped up in moss cove when julienne came in and convinced me...and kinda forced me hahaha to go outside with her and study. when i went outside, i was able to read 2 chapters in an hour! that is how peaceful and serene it is when you study under the sun. not to mention, it's incredibly relaxing... so i definitely am in favor of that.

k that's all for now. i will continue to update but i gotta get back to that productivity.

<3

last installment of finals week tips ever...

finals week tip #??

enjoy the moment & relax.




LOL. i am not studying but i am surrounded by good company :)

kickin' off my last finals week with a bang. let's do this.

i thought that from this heartache, i could escape but I fronted long enough to know, there ain't no way & today, i'm officially missing you...

I swear that no matter how I'm feeling, whenever I hear this song, I start to cry. I think I'm gonna cry right now by myself at the Student Center lol. I've been watching the first year video over & over again and feeling sad over & over again. I'm forcing myself to type out this long overdue blog entry. I haven't blogged in a while because I think that blogging only further solidifies the fact that this year is coming to an end, that I'll no longer be a mighty fine 09 senior, that I'll be serving Liwanag as an alumna rather than as a student, that I'll no longer be an inmate of Shawshank, that I need to pass along this Gift You've given me to someone else. As 2010 / Boyz II Men put it, it's "so hard to say goodbye to yesterday" especially when you just want to cling to the present moment. I keep reminding myself that all good things must come to an end some time or another and I thought that I was ready to let it go but the closer I get to graduation, the more difficult it is for me to separate myself from what's been my family for so long. *Cue tears* hahah... this is so emo but honestly, I can't imagine my life without Liwanag. Through the good times & bad, the up's & the down's, this family has been there for me. They've seen me grow into the person I am these past four years. Whenever we sing "Mother Mary", I can't help but think of myself walking into my first meeting and hearing the lyrics for the first time... I have no idea how I felt. Liwanag was just another club to me. I never imagined that Liwanag would mean THIS much to me, so much to me that it would move me to tears. I've always experienced the End of the Year mass as someone being left behind. Having to say goodbye to the seniors every year hurt a lot. But now, I've realized that leaving people behind hurts too. Sometimes I wish I could just stay another year & watch the first years transition into their second year & see the second years become upperclassmen & witness the third years journey into their last year at UCI. I want to see them all grow & shine. Now I can say that I know how the seniors in the past have felt. Tonight is going to be hard for me. How do you sum up everything that Liwanag means to you in a few minutes? I know that my words will never do it justice but I'm gonna wing it & speak from my heart.

I wrote this on my blog as a first year:
May 30, 2006 @ 9:46am - "Yo'okay"
"I always find myself wondering just how much I'm gonna change four years down the road. What experiences are waiting for me? How strong will my faith have grown? Where will I be on my faith journey? Will I have already found my calling or will I still be searching for my vocation? Who's going to be part of my circle of friends? Who will I surround myself with? What parts of my life will remain the same? How will my relationship with my parents and brother be later on? Will I be proud of the decisions I've made in the past or will my 22 year old self blame my 19 year old self for not pointing myself in the right direction in terms of careers, love, friendships, and life in general? How will I see Him? Everyone says to focus on enjoying the present but the concept of the future is something so incredible that I can't not think about it...I can only imagine."

I can't believe I've come this far.

Thank You for believing in me, for strengthening my Faith, for helping me see Love in my life even when it was difficult to. Thank You for loving me unconditionally. Thank You for bringing these people into my Life. Thank You for walking with me these past four years & I look forward to what's to come for this family & for my fellow 09'ers.

& Now it's up to you. I believe in You, I hope & pray that you continue to grow in your faith, that you continue to see Love in your life even when it is difficult to. I hope you know that He loves you unconditionally, so much so that He's placed you in the hands of this family who will never leave your side. I pray that the moment you feel like giving up & the moment you start to doubt yourself & lose sight of the reasons why you serve, you remember the first moment you stepped into the doors of interfaith & remember the Love you felt when they welcomed you with open arms. May you never forget that there is always someone there praying for You, even from afar. May you never forget that you didn't call Him, He called You.

I love You forever.

I love Jesus.

& I love Liwanag.


...great i am totally gonna cry tonight.