"This is what I love about Liwanag. We took time out of our busy schedules, took a break from what was stressing us out and regardless of the outcome, we laughed, we had a good time, and we made someone happy. This is what it should always be about."_Brenton Agahan

Help me to never lose sight of this.

To minister, to serve, to love.

I know sometimes I forget.

No longer I, Lord.

Tradition.

happy 19th birthday ace & happy birthday justin timberlake :)

sea sick, car sick... is it possible to be computer sick... because that's what i am right now and i'm still blogging. my eyes are tired of being in front of the computer screen all the time... at work i started feeling nauseous. is that normal?

anyway before i take a break from the laptop... i decided to blog. i don't even know what to blog about. the words aren't coming to me. before i'd be stuck in the past but now i'm looking forward to the future... there's a lot to be excited about... right now i'm excited about...

you guess.

oh our crazy ideas.

cool kim is cool & we got this. kim possible & anna montana. i just came up with that right now hahah. act like you know.

there are lots of things to worry about but also a lot of things to smile about so smile!

i gotta start heading over to PASS soon.

i also have to read. fun night!

let's do this!

bye.

but i'm not. what's new?

i just had an interview... my first interview in a long time... i think it was my first group interview ever. it was okay but i can't help but feel intimidated when i think of the 49 other people applying for one of the 3 Social Ecology peer advisor positions who could possibly be way more qualified for the job than i am. but that's a feeling i have to shake off. i'm not discouraged though... i trust in His plans for me & if i don't get it, then i'll keep trying & reaching for new things... i still have the opportunity to wow the undergraduate/undeclared/undecided department because i applied for that peer advisor position too... AND i want to apply to be a career center peer consultant like will, jamie & sherry... or maybe a peer educator. there are so many doors waiting to be opened, why set my sights on just one?

i think i've been too focused on doing well that i've forgotten about doing good.

the world does not revolve around me & my life. i've never really been the type to call attention to myself but lately it seems as though all my efforts have been directed toward helping myself succeed...helping myself do well. i've spent so much time worrying about me, my plans, what i need to do, what i have to do, & what i want to do. i've been so concerned with me, me, me that I've neglected You & you in the process. it's terrible how difficult it is to achieve that sense of balance. one year, my life was so devoted to helping others, the next year my life has been all about helping myself. it might be due to the fact that the reality of graduation & the real world is looming over my head. but that shouldn't be an excuse. i'm sorry for letting You down & i'm sorry for letting you down too. i'm sorry for failing to open my eyes to what i've been doing wrong. more importantly, i'm sorry for dwelling on how heavy MY cross is & failing to be a Simon to those with heavier crosses. it's a new year... there's always room for improvement.

here's to making more conscious efforts to do good in the world starting with the people around me.

praying for you.

so long my ways / i won't miss you / i'll be alright this time / follow the lines dreams will come true / feel my way and shut out the light...But i won't forget the first time i said those words / though in my head i know it meant something more than this / find my feelings save them from the part of me / that confuses everything when i knew all along / that my heart was never wrong

i didn't know kina grannis would get so famous. my freshman year, my friend gina, who's friends with her, introduced us to her and took us to one of her coffee shop performances in irvine at it's a grind... and every night (because gina was our next door vista neighbor) bernie and i would listen to kina grannis songs bc we could hear her through our thin walls. now look at her, she's really popular... and i'm not surprised because her voice & her songs are both incredibly good & she was very down-to-earth so she deserves the success that's coming to her.

i hadn't used my mini-iP0d literally in months... until today because i wanted to listen to kina grannis and all the songs on here remind me of my freshman year. it's crazy.

you know what else is crazy? i can graduate by the end of winter quarter '09, a quarter early, just by taking 12 units every quarter until then (not including summer school).... and i can finish even earlier if i take 16 units a quarter... but i'd prefer the 12 units (to focus & do well)... i can't get over it. i went to the counselor for the first time last friday and he helped me plan out the rest of my time at UCI and i can finish both my major & minor classes soon... maybe i should've double minored but whatever i'll figure it out.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

last friday was a good day for me. it was productive. i went to drop off applications, then i went to the career center for an internship panel on counseling ( i really want to be a counselor btw). then i had lunch with joe, mel, jen, & dumo. then i went to class & then my counseling appointment & then work.

so far, so good.

i want to do so many things but i know i have to work for it to make it happen.

it's amazing how things have changed in one year. i used to be a frequent blogger & i don't know what's happened to me. i think it's because it's my third year... and i'm more motivated to do well in school & life... so it's been less of me talking about it & more of me doing it. that's a good thing right? but i'm gonna try to update this more often!

today i'm gonna go shopping...

for work/professional clothes... HAHA. i know. what a wannabe grown up. i have to be one soon so i figured i might as well start now.

i also have to read read read. no falling behind because i only have 12 units so i have no excuse.

the nerf gun war was last friday. i documented the historic & momentous event on camera. i posted the pictures on facebook if you're curious... and i have yet to post the videos but i will soon.

also this is for kirs... last week at tapioca express, some of us got into a heated discussion about apples & trees... you know the quote that goes...

Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...”

anyway, the quote led to many questions that snowballed into more discussion... and now it's on people's blogs. that's all.

alright, it's time to be productive.

i finally have some sort of direction & it's reassuring.

Labels: adrian, apples, graduation, kina grannis, trees

... i know i misbehaved & you made your mistakes and we both still got room left to grow and though love sometimes hurts i still put you first and we'll make this thing work but i think we should take it slow... we're just ordinary people, we don't know which way to go... cause we're ordinary people... maybe we should take it slow.


my most recent lesson learned has been that life is not perfect because we're not perfect... and who would want to be perfect anyway?

take for example... a new phone or laptop lol (material examples)... i dropped my brand new blackberry last week and now it has a few scratches. then yesterday a frame fell on top of my relatively new macbook and the paint chipped off and left a black mark on it.
initially i focused on the scratches & marks, which were not extremely big to begin with. but then i realized that if you look at the bigger picture, despite the tiny marks & scratches, my phone & laptop were not broken. i could still use them. the scratches & marks were only noticeable up close. although they are no longer in mint perfect condition, they're in good condition & that's the only thing that matters.

although we all strive to life lives that can reach our near-perfect expectations, mistakes, mess-ups, & disappointments are inevitable. we are bound to fall on our way up. we're bound to fail every once in a while...and we're bound to drop our phones & scratch up our laptops hahah... or at least i am.

there's my rant.

this was a saved draft for while but i figured what the heck...

Labels: blackberry, mac

[my tummy hurts :/ ]

"no happily never after
that just ain't for me
because finally
i know
i deserve better
after all
i'll never let another tear drop fall"

i like the backstreet version of that song better than nicole scherzinger's (sp?) version, even though hers is good too.

long time no blog... actually i have a lot of drafted blogs that i never came around to finishing; they either sounded too dumb or too superficial to even post. so far, this entry seems to fall under those categories but i'm giving it a few more lines before i dismiss it...

as for what's been going on with me...well, a whole lot of nothing and a whole lot of everything at the same time.

school is school...busy & stressful all at once... and yet this quarter i am allowing myself to experience the excitement that comes along with LEARNING. yes, i am learning and i am loving it. i actually am interested in what i am studying and with that, i hope, comes excellent grades & an off the chart GPA... but a girl can only dream. i am writing about yogurtland for my upper division writing paper (anyone wanna go with me to make observations? haha). in P108, my social animal class, i learned that i am a high self monitor (for all you psych majors). i really do like that class... i don't know if i'll like it as much after my papers and grades come haha... P106 is AWESOME too only because i'm taking it with the one and only William Sapigao Sagipao :) hahah. it's also an interesting class (but i am way behind on the readings).

speaking of readings, i need to order my P108 reader.

PASS is cool. so far i've made it out to the first two meetings of the quarter which is quite the accomplishment for me. also, i'm following in Meechy & Will's footsteps by becoming a PASS counselor which involves listening to and helping out my fellow PASS peers with school, career, and life problems... i think i got the school & life problems covered but not so much the career because i have yet to even decide on my own career.

as for that part of my life, i still work at the registrar's... visit me at the window. i'm working on getting a different job for the next school year. i want to become an academic peer advisor for the school (it's basically been my dream since i was a freshie because my RA kenny loo did it too). i have to keep my fingers crossed for that one... i also want to apply for different internships and keep myself busy this summer. we'll see how that goes. i'm heavily leaning towards becoming a counselor. i think it's something i'd be passionate about. i know i'd want to work in the educational field... something, anything really... as long as i'm helping and serving others. i have to love what i do (and get paid a considerably reasonable amount in order to live comfortably)... grad school? here i come.

Liwanag. who knew that i'd be in the position i'm in now when i came in as a freshman? i sure didn't. it's weird having people look up to me when i still look up to other people. all i know is that this group, this family, has done more for me than i can ever imagine in my entire college experience. it's taught me how to care for others, how to serve and more importantly, how to serve humbly, how to let go of my insecurities & vulnerabilities to be His instrument, how to walk in Faith, how to believe, how to share, how to shine, and above all, how to Love. this past quarter has been quite the challenge... adjusting to being a part of core when often times, i still feel like a newbie... or more like i want to be a newbie. but i know that although the journey is difficult, as long as i follow Him, i will be alright... and we will be MORE than alright.

i'm so blessed to have a mom, dad & brother to keep me grounded throughout this journey called life :) i love home... so much so that i dread going back to irvine every weekend... and then i eventually get over it.

in the friends dept, everything is g double o d good. i love my friends!

"branna" (as coined by kirs) is good too... in fact, this is a couple minutes early but happy 7 months! i love you! :D

i gotta sleep now, gonna be back in irvine tomorrow morning. see ya! i promise i'll try blogging more... i used to be better at this.

we sure are cute for two ugly people.

:)

that WAS a really good movie. props to nez for planning that movie date.

i'm gonna sleep soon.

good night.

i have 20 units this quarter but hopefully that gets reduced to 12 units.

YES.

why am i always nervous for the first day of school? hahah ridiculous.

anyway, it's time to go. peace.

because i might be the only person i know who hasn't seen it yet... well that's an exaggeration but you get it...

while the rest of the female population is head over heels in love with Michael Cera (including myself, because i love the awkward type)... i've taken a liking to Ellen Page aka Juno... if i could be friends with any celebrity right now, it would be her... because she looks extremely approachable, she's canadian, her birthday is on February 21, 1987 which means we're both born in the same month and the same year... AND she's only 3 days older than me!

if those aren't good reasons, then i don't know...


anyway aside from that, i'm in irvine. i've been here since last night. yay karaoke! i so don't want break to end but at the same time i could use something to do.

i just realized how many cool new gadgets i have to entertain myself at my apt now like my brand new printer/scanner!

time to redecorate.

2008 & Winter Quarter, I'm coming at you with positive vibes. don't let me down.

man this has been an awesome break... friends, fun, family, rest, food, everything a girl needs.


anyway i ended this break with a bang BECAUSE i ran into Alexis Bledel aka Rory Gilmore of the Gilmore girls at the T-Mobile store at Los Feliz (one of the many reasons I love Los Angeles). she was busy with her boyfriend... PDA and all so i couldn't ask her for a picture. something stopped me... like a sense of respect for her and her bf's privacy. i only got 2 pictures of her back lol... oh well. next time. it still made me happy.


boo for school but this has got to be one of my most favorite Christmas breaks ever :) k the end! bye!

i'm going back to irvine soon. yay?

i think that growing older has SERIOUSLY given me a deeper appreciation for the family that He has blessed me with. i know that's so cliche but it's also so true.

when you're a teen, you often take your parents and family for granted. you HAVE to love them, you HAVE to live with them, you HAVE to tolerate them, you HAVE to do everything with them... living at home was often a chore, an obligation, something you HAD to do, even when you wanted to be with your friends.

but now, it's different. i LOVE my family, imperfections and all. i have no idea how i would've survived spring break without my mom, dad & brother.

i know i talk about my friends a lot on my blog... but where would i be without my family? more importantly, who would i be?

i know my brother doesn't read this...and if he did, this would be a little awkward. but anyway... i'd like to think that i am his best friend hahah. he'd never publicly admit it but i think i am his best friend and he is mine... of course brenton's my best friend too but i can't forget my brother, who was my first best friend as well as family. we're blood. usually being siblings doesn't necessarily mean you get along. i know plenty of siblings who don't talk to one another at all unless it's called for. then again i know a few sets of siblings who are joined at the hip. my brother and i lean more towards the latter... except we're pretty independent of each other. many people compliment me on how strong my friendship with my brother is and lots of people have told me how amazed they are by the fact that we are so close. i can't explain why it ended up that way. i usually tell people it's because we're only a year apart... or it's because there's only two of us. but honestly, when i come to think of it, it's because as different as we can be, we are pretty similar in nature. he may not be as awkward as i am... but he's definitely as loyal to his family & friends. i may seem more approachable, but once people get past his sometimes too-cool, intimidating demeanor, they find someone as approachable & easy to talk to as me. we're both little kids at heart and when it comes to school, we handle it :). we're also both pretty sensitive, except he doesn't cry nearly as often as i do. we were raised in the same household so of course we share the same values. i worry about him a lot...especially more recently because we're getting older. i think i nag him a little too much sometimes even though i know that he knows what he's doing... i feel like a parent once in a while because i've never wanted someone to succeed as much as i want him to succeed... i believe in him and i want him to always be happy and always feel loved. eventually i want him to meet the right girl... a girl who will take care of him and who will respect him and who shares in his beliefs & values and who knows his worth & loves him unconditionally. i want him to have friends who won't let him down and will be there for him the way that he'll be there for them; friends who won't take him for granted or take advantage of him; friends that he can call up at 3 in the morning when he needs them; friends who accept him for who he is. i want him to have a career that he's not just satisfied with but one that he's passionate about and one that brings a smile to his face. i want him to grow strong in his faith & i want him to allow himself to be His humble servant. i want him to let his light shine. all the things my parents want for me & for us, all the things i want for myself, i want for my brother. and if there was any way that i could give him all these things at this very moment, i would in a heartbeat.

i don't know, spending time at home with him this break has made me realize how close we both are to entering the real world and it's scary. i get scared that somewhere down the road, we won't be as close as we are now or as we've been in the past. but i pray everyday that no matter what, we'll always be there for one another. i just ask that as this year begins, we both continue to grow in faith & in love. he's growing up to be quite the young man & in my opinion, a really good catch... i just hope and pray he always knows that.

oh alex, you make me proud & i'm lucky to have a best friend/brother like you in my life.

that's all. i've gotten way too corny. thanks a lot brenton, thanks a lot.


p.s. I saw Enchanted today! i lovedddddd it :) thank you! you know who you are. good night friends.

Labels: alex, family

The end of my last dream last night involved me and a cute little girl who looked like one of the toddlers from "Jon & Kate plus 8" hahah. anyway apparently i was her babysitter and i had to leave soon and she came up to me and showed me this badge she was wearing which on the back of it said "iCarly" and on the front of it had a schedule. She said "me, mommy and daddy are gonna be here *points to badge* on monday, are YOU?" and i said "i'll try" or something along those lines... and then we turn and see her older 7 year old brother on the computer. he could write and sing music.... and that was end of my dream... one part of many.


OH... the word part calls to mind the other part of my dream. i was talking to joe on the phone and he was watching movies and he said that he was watching a movie called "Partless" LOL... which he said reminded him of another movie called "imnotbeautiful"... WEIRD. anyway he said they were good movies. then the dream ended with me watching the movie "Partless"... i don't remember the details of it but i remember there were horses. oh well.

my nose is still stuffy and i just wanna sleep.

i don't wanna go back to school. boooooooooooo.

i have a lot to take back with me. ugh. great.

anyway have a good day today friends!

p.s.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
jfhksjfhsdkhdaskgljdsaglkasdgklajsdgaksdjgkladsg

As I look forward to this new year, I can't help but look back at 2007 with tremendous feelings of gratitude and amazement, tiny hints of sadness & regret, and an overall sense of satisfaction with the person that I've become this past year and with the person that I'm becoming... because growth doesn't stop in a year. It's definitely an on-going process and a never-ending journey.

If I had to describe 2007 in one word, I couldn't. I can't... because this year encompassed such a wide range of emotions for me. Some months were better than others. Everyday was something new. Some days I woke up with a smile on my face, ready to tackle the tasks ahead of me. Other days I woke up wanting to sleep through the entire day, not looking forward to confronting the world outside. I cried more than a few times this year... not just the tears falling down your cheek and you can wipe them off with one piece of tissue paper crying... but the intense type of crying where your eyes are red and your eye bags are puffy and you can't utter a word without gasping for breath and you feel like the tears are never gonna stop falling because you're desperately trying to release every single negative and hurtful emotion you're feeling with the drop of every tear type of crying. Then there were the occasional moments of blissful happiness when I felt like i was literally floating on air and nothing could knock me off of the cloud that i was on. the overwhelming joy & giddiness that overcame me was an invincible shield against everything bad in the world and as long as i was THAT happy, nothing could ever go wrong. i experienced that "nothing else in the world matters as long as i'm where i am right now" type of happiness...oh and the butterflies that escaped me the past few years returned and i didn't realize how happy another person could make you feel after being so used to closing myself off to that type of happiness. love tends to surprise you that way...of course with every emergence of Light in life comes the undesirable plunge into the darkness...i experienced the disappointments that life tends to throw at you when you're not looking; the sudden change of plans that are capable of transforming laughter into tears; the unexpected; the path you wished you never had to take leading you into the unfamiliar; it was in these times when i felt i was at my lowest, when turning to other people seemed to be the most unlikely option, when i let life get the best of me and opted to let go of His hand rather than be guided by it... when you saved me... He saved me through so many of my friendships this year. i could have easily allowed myself to succumb to the darkness... i could have easily decided to let the negativity take over me... but because i was constantly surrounded by Love, there was never any doubt that i could get through the things that i went through this past year.

we all had different sets of challenges this past year but the beauty of it all is that we never had to go through anything alone because He gave us one another... as friends & family. it's amazing how He manages to take care of us in that way... and i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's taken care of me, not just this past year but in general. i think that's why the song "For Good" in Wicked spoke to me so much so that it drove me to tears... because I know that who I am right now is not only my doing but Your doing because You've blessed me with so many friends who love and care for me.

when i think back to freshman year, i had no idea that i would be where i am right now... that i would be as happy and content as i am right now. i walked into Interfaith thinking that LOG would just be another club... but i am in awe of how quickly it's become another family... and to think that an awkward little old freshman like me could inherit a family as close knit and together as LOG is another one of God's little surprises.

i'm so nervous & scared about this coming year... but i know you're all thinking "what else is new?"

... i'll tell you what else is new... the fact that i know i am capable of doing it. i can do it. i can as long as i let Him do it through me. all things are possible right? the more i think about what i need to do, what i have to do... the more strengthened i am by the knowledge that i'm not alone... i've never been alone... i never will be alone. how many people in this world can say that, let alone believe that? i've never felt so motivated. in the past i've let my insecurities and fears take over me before i even stepped foot into anything really. but this year is the year... it's your year... it's MY year. i need to let my light shine and i know that i'm the only one who's been stopping it from happening.

it starts with my license... and ends with... well graduation and my entrance into the REAL world. it's been a weird transition this past year... what with so many oldies as alums doing different things, leaving the comforts of interfaith. it's weird having to step up and be a leader, be a role model, basically be the person that I've looked to so many of the oldies to be.

sometimes i've opted to just step back rather than step up and be babied... be the younger person that i'm so used to being... but i can't do that anymore.

it's 2008. i'm turning 21. i need to grow up... and what comforts me the most is knowing and realizing that i have... the growth's been so gradual that i haven't taken note of it... but hearing other people tell me that i have, has allowed me to sort of embrace it.

it's 2008.

"hi, i'm anna liza & i'm an adult."

gotta live with it.

hellooooo!

i'm ready for you.

i watched alvin & the chipmunks today. it's such a cute movie! :) i'm in love with theodore. he's adorable. that is all.


...
i dont wanna go back.