it's crunch time. i won't worry because He always delivers.

it's coming together. thank You.

who would've ever thought?

more to say but not enough time.


...i'll tell you the rest when i see you :)

i am. anyway it is 3pm... 30 minutes until class starts. i have to head over there soon.
i have 3/4 of a page done out of my 5 page paper which is due in less than 24 hours.
other than that, i am doing fine.


i seriously just want this to be over with. L-A-M-E. lame.

i like to complain but in all honesty, i realize how lucky i am... sometimes that realization just gets caught in the middle of all the chaos.

p.s. i'm a crybaby.


p.p.s. THANK YOU.

alex (not kobe lol)! i love you :) you're the bomb diggity yo. i'm glad you liked your surprises! ONE MO!


other than that, my day was alright. still much to be done. bye.

tea. sleep. rest. water. tissue. yes i'm still sick. i actually think i have laryngitis so i'm trying to talk as little as possible or not talk at all. my throat is no longer sore. i no longer have headaches or a fever. it's just that i'm still phlegmy and have no voice. for those of you who have had the pleasure to talk to me lately, yes i do sound like that when i talk. maybe i'll go to the doctor's sometime before i go back to irvine but there's so much else to do that that's still up in the air. what better place to recuperate than at home?

to top it off, this isn't the greatest week to be sick for me so i will get better. i'm trying not to stress but my weakened immune system is representative of how i'm feeling right now. things to do: sbc stuff and two 5 page papers. hooray.

despite all that, i'm happy because i'm blessed. my life's just fine.

have a good memorial day weekend! <3

edit@6:42am.
i have a sore throat and i cannot sleep and i'm phlegmy, i know TMI! but seriously this sucks. i've only had 4 hours of sleep. i want to go back to sleep but i need to kill time because i have a halls cough drop in my mouth and i need to let it dissolve. SUCKS. i should've used my humidifier last night. to top it off, i've officially finished my whole 24 pack supply of waterbottles, 12 of which i probably used the past couple of days because i've been sick. ALSO, every time i get sick or experience sick symptoms, my first instinct is to google it... i'm a paranoid person so i like to compare my symptoms with those that people have posted and then look up the remedies. so far, i've concluded that it's a viral infection. i'm pretty sure i have strep throat... but i've gotten over the fever part of it. now if only i could get rid of this stupid sore throat. I WILL GET OVER YOU!!!!!! yay the cough drop is dissolved. ok end rant.


i feel bad because bernie's had to put up with my coughing :(
sorry bernie!

"The seniors have created and lived through their college experiences, some amazing, others not so amazing, but good nonetheless, and now my own journey is starting and after just one year, I'm excited to see what's coming next. It's my turn. It's our turn and I can't wait. We have the power to write our own stories and make our own adventures. I'll be waiting for that day when I can tell the first years about what I went through "back in the day" and tell them "how good they have it" hahah. But that's not gonna happen for a couple of years so for right now, I'm content with the beginning.

I'm still a beh-beh, as much as I hate to admit it.

P.S. Thanks for the chocolatey chip teddy grahams Erwin and Frances. I'm halfway done with the box. Yummy."

that was me at 19. weird.

because i took way too many naps during the day. so last night when i was writing my papers, i had a minor headache and my throat hurt. i thought oh maybe it'll just go away if i don't think about it. i told myself i would take medicine right before i slept but being the stubborn person that i am, i went to sleep without taking anything. sure enough, i woke up around 6am feeling sick so i walked to the medicine cabinet and took a tylenol pill. i woke up around 10 and left for class and went through the day with a headache. then i ditched work and this was my night:

1:30pm - took tylenol
2:00-5:00pm- took a nap
5:00-6:00pm- ate dinner
6:00- 6:45- took a nap
7:00- 7:40- took tylenol again & took a nap
8:00- 9:30- took a nap
10:00- 11:00- ate oranges & soup (thanks brentonnnn :D)
1:30- took tylenol

and now i feel like i should sleep again.

secrets to getting better:
drink lots of water/fluids, lots of vitamin C (i like eating oranges), lots and lots of rest, AND lots of positive thinking.

i'm pretty sure i'm gonna be better by tomorrow but today i felt gross.

anyway, MY ENROLLMENT WINDOW OPENS TODAY! like abby said, i cannot believe it's almost our senior year. CRAZY.

i'm gonna sleep now.

btw, happy 11 :)

i am sick.

boooooooo.

is scary.

peace,
alo


p.s. thank you for having lunch with me today. you're the best sister i could ask for, seriously :) <3

i am super moody and my mind won't let me rest. i wish there was an off button. lame. and my stomach hurts. boooo. i feel like i basically just like to blog about how sleepy i am most of the time.

sometimes i get annoyed... but then i remember that i'm human & i mess up too... and then i shake it off.

...one of my pet peeves.

but this made me smile...

anonymous (11:05 p.m.) : _____ is the best part of my day.

LAWL :$

oh love, you make the world go round. you really do. & no, i was not referring to brenton when i said "love"...i really meant Love.

good night.

i'm sleepy again. today has been the longest day everrrrrrrrrrr. good bye.

so after reading nez's post, i felt compelled to blog. she asked if attachment was equivalent to love and i would have to say no. attachment may be something that accompanies love but attachment is NOT love... well, in my opinion at least. love is incredibly difficult to define. however, even now, i still choose to stand by the same definition of love that i learned about in in high school. love is an attitude, not an emotion & love is achieved through time & knowledge. personally, i can't seem to associate the concept of attachment to love. i see love as liberating & freeing... love allows us to breathe & live. it's not something that confines us or places limitations on us. i see attachment as an unhealthy component of a relationship. being attached to someone seems to imply that you can't live without the other person... figuratively and literally. although i love watching romantic comedies & although i love seeing people in love, i am not a hopeless romantic nor am i believer of the idea that you can find that ONE person who completes you. why do you need someone to complete you in order to be happy? (refer to the Missing Piece meets the Big O skit). i think that the healthiest and most successful relationships happen when two people, who are content with themselves & who are comfortable with who they are, find genuine friendship and companionship in one another. they don't necessarily NEED the other person to be happy. they've found happiness within themselves and this other person is just a loved one whom they can SHARE that happiness with. i'm a believer of the idea that you can't love another person until you've learned to love yourself. attachment conveys a sense of dependency on another person... if that person were to leave your side, your life would be in shambles and you'd be a living wreck. now, as appealing as that is to people who long for that "i-can't-sleep-at-night-and-i-cry-every-time-you're-not-here
and-i-would-die-if-you-left-me" kind of passion & those who desire a long-term version of the short-term "eros-type", "honeymoon-every-day" kind of love, that type of love is not realistic nor is it good for either of the two people involved. think about it. how would you ever be able to live your own life if you made it your priority to live for someone else? that's not only doing yourself a disservice, but the person whom you are attached to as well as the people around you whom you may tend to neglect because you are so focused on the other person. i think it's okay to want to be with the person you are with. it's natural. you enjoy their company and vice versa. however, when it gets to the point where you feel like you would have no reason to live if that person were no longer by your side, i think it's time for you to re-evaluate things.

i like this quote that mrs. mcgrath, my religion II teacher shared with us when we were discussing relationships & marriage:

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

love is not just about looking at each other, it's about looking in the same direction. it's about sharing a common goal & supporting one another in reaching that goal. in other words, love is not about just admiring and adoring the other person. that type of love is superficial and it can only take you so far. it wears off in the long-run. love is not about directing all of your efforts and all your energy on the other person... it's not about living FOR them. you cannot live for someone else. sure, you should try your best to make that person happy... but you should never neglect YOURSELF along the way... you need to be happy too. it's not a one way street. just staring at the other person is staying attached to that person, waiting for that person's reaction, waiting for that person's approval before you can do anything else, waiting for that person to tell you what to do and how to live your life.

in my opinion, love does not consist of being attached at the hip. love is being able to walk separately yet still manage to walk together.

also, another side note... if it turns out that you have to change yourself in order to be with someone... it's not worth it. the person you are with should love you for who you are, flaws & imperfections & all. if they can't accept you for you, then they are not worth the time or the effort.

... just thought of it because of the movie, 27 dresses hahah.

my two cents.
just throwing it out there.

<3anna

life would be easier to get through if we didn't know so much.

i want to help lighten your load but i don't know how... especially since that load seems so overwhelmingly heavy.

i am sleepy again and lazy but i have homework to do.

today marks the beginning of a new me... but not really.

p.s. thanks for introducing me to Silk / Soy Milk cgitew. i love it.

happy mothers day!

p.s. i don't know how i feel about this anymore. mixed emotions leading to doubts? we'll see. when i mapped it all out in my head, it did not look like this at all. but there You go again pulling a fast one on me. i choose to trust & hopefully it works out for the best.

peace.

i think i have a pretty good idea of who i am now (in comparison to my first year of college)
& i can honestly say, i am content.

i no longer feel the pressure to be anyone else but me.

staying true to yourself is more important than anything else in the world. fitting in, looking cool, being a goody two shoes... all of that is irrelevant to being yourself.

if being yourself means being the life of the party,
if being yourself means taking care of everyone else,
if being yourself means letting go and having fun,
if being yourself means being the designated driver,
if being yourself means being the bartender,
if being yourself means making everyone laugh,
if being yourself means keeping to yourself,
and if you feel most comfortable with doing any one of those or all of those things and if you're not ashamed of letting others know that...then props to you because you are being YOURSELF... and that's what makes you you.

the past few years i learned to embrace it (it as in who i am).

don't ever feel bad for being yourself. why should you feel bad for being who you are?

growth. man. growth.

however, despite my entrance into adulthood, a part of me is still just a kid and sometimes you need that reality check. being lectured by my mom was definitely my reality check. ugh oh well. over it. lesson learned.

btw last night was funnnn. lots of footage. but i won't post it hahah.

log = family. for real. i've got the whole world in my hands.

the end. my brother's PCN tonight!!! YAYYYYY! peace out.

i've fallen in love all over again. even though i've sung those words many times before...last night, those same words hit me more than they have in the past. for some reason, the meeting on humility touched me more than i thought it would. honestly, when i walked through the doors of interfaith last night, i was tired, i was weak, i was preoccupied and i didn't mind being late to rosary... in fact, i didn't mind being late at all (sorry dumo & kim)... going through the motions; that's been me this past quarter. it's not that i've been sad or angry or emotional. it's just that i've forgotten...

i've forgotten what it was like to walk into the room every tuesday, looking forward to seeing the same (and sometimes new) friendly faces that greet me with their smiles.

i've forgotten what it was like to leave my worries at the door & just enjoy the present moment.

i've forgotten what it was like to just close my eyes in the darkness during praise & worship and just pray to Him... genuinely pray to Him, not thinking about what i was going to do afterwards.

i've forgotten what it was like to see the Good in everything and everyone around me.

i've forgotten what it was like to let go.

i've forgotten how to Listen.

i've forgotten how to be HUMBLE.

i cried for the first time in a long time... i mean, i didn't even cry at spirit rally but last night i cried because i realized that i was guilty of being prideful, of letting other things get in my way of getting closer to You. You haven't been in the picture for a while and it's because I've cut You out of it lately.

where is that nineteen year old girl who was afraid of saying "yes" because she felt unworthy, who prayed with her heart & who chose to see You in everyone around her rather than judge them?

last night, i felt like that girl again.

it was definitely a reminder... not to forget.

... I am SO blessed because Your Love exists in every part of my day and every part of my life and yet I constantly look past You. i look past the blessings because i'm overwhelmed by the negativity that takes over my head.

i pray that for the remainder of this year, for the upcoming year, and for the rest of my life, i constantly keep in mind that You are what makes me worthy. i am just an instrument...Your instrument.

not my will but Yours.

...I give You my soul
I live for You alone,
every breath that I take
every moment I'm awake,
Lord have Your way in me.

how's that for a late night blog?

scratch that...

i'm so blessed.

kim possible & anna montana = unstoppable... we just need someone named ron so that we could say RONstoppable... but i guess today we can say julIANstoppable. btw thanks julian for driving me to like a million places today, well just two but seriously thank you for the help... glinda stars (lol). today would've been impossible without you or kim. THANK YOU SO MUCH! you guys are the best.

... and if there's anything i'm sure of, it's that i can count on YOU, yes you! next year will be a breeze? HA HA. well we can't guarantee smooth sailing but at least we'll have good company... especially in Him.

yay... one less thing to worry about.

i've been MIA without being MIA lately. i'm sorry guys. i'm not emo or anything. there's just a lot going on and i'm just trying to stay on top of it all. it's hard. but then again, i knew that coming into this year... no one ever said it would be easy. it's times like these when i'm definitely grateful for all the help He sends my way. where would I be without You? seriously.

i think i'm gonna bust a jamie obal by saying this but...looking back, could you have imagined that we would be in the place we are at right now? it's unfathomable.

now that bellamay's 21... i'm starting to get nostalgic even though we're not old because i'm having flashbacks of when we all just turned 19 and how excited we were about our first year... "coolest first years ever" *shakes fist* REMEMBER? i also had flashbacks about eating some of bellamay's albertson's cookies and vanilla ice cream on her 19th birthday. AND NOW WE'RE 21!!!! And i'm not as big of a cookie monster as i once was. WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?!

okay i'm gonna take a nap before the liwanag meeting....

btw, i hated naps as a freshman... i never took them.

peace out.

for the independence that the next year will bring.

i got this.

only good things.

now i have to wait until the laker game is over until i can go back to irvine.

see ya.

p.s. i haven't studied yet lol. oh homeeee.

three drafted entries in the past two days. i'm sorry. i am officially no longer a regular blogger. i've failed you haha. not to mention, i'm sleepy again. i'm just waiting for my mom to come so i can finally go home after like 3 weeks of being in irvine. hopefully i get things done... after a trip to the new shopping center in Glendale, the Americana. YAYYYYYY! i'm excited. i haven't shopped in a while. retail therapy guys... therapy for what, you ask? nothing in particular but it's always an excuse to shop.

thoughts going through my head right now:

marie digby. her cd "unfold" is amazing. it's my favorite cd of the moment, yes cd. i've missed music... it's sad because i lost the iPod gia gave me :( i need to either find it or get myself a new one. i don't know how i survived this year without it. i also got the album of this artist named Ayo. she sounds like corinne bailey rae but with a German accent. mellow music for spring time, guys.

birthdays. happy 20th birthday to my roommate theresa! :) have a good one! and happy birthday rica! and on monday, happy 21st birthday bellamay! (just in case i don't blog then). my brother's birthday is coming up on the 26th too. i need to find a gift for him.

spring banquet. it's quickly approaching and i'm scared hahah. kjdghadskjgas. i know we can do it but ahhhhh!!!!!! it's all in Your hands (and ours too of course).

summer. i need an internship or a new job. but talking is one thing and doing is another so i better get started on the "doing." if i'm gonna be in irvine this summer, might as well be productive. oh and i really want to do research. man. lots to do.

school. i need to get my head in the game again. one more midterm! gotta study this weekend!

superficial. if i could dress like any celebrity it would definitely be a mix of rachel bilson, vanessa anne hudgens, or hilary duff. random but true. i always think about it when i look at celeb sites haha. a bit conservative but trendy. i like it.

other. lots of other things going on in my head right now. if i could talk to these other things, i would say: stop interfering in their business. your actions affect other people, be aware of that. i hope it's not true. don't be scared. jealousy, you gotta swallow it. it's not your fault so don't worry about it.

okay this entry was all over the place but that's how i'm feeling right now. have a good weekend guys!

<3anna