When I was younger all I dreamt about was growing up or being a “grown-up.” I wanted to be old enough to wear makeup, drive, have my own check book & credit card, try my luck at the slots, have cocktails with my friends, work a full-time job, go on trips & weekend getaways… I wanted to live this luxurious life and basically do whatever I wanted to do because that’s what I associated with adulthood. It’s true to an extent but not under my current circumstances. There are so many other things that accompany adulthood that I had never taken into consideration until I graduated from college and tried to make sense of the real world. These important, less glamourous, & difficult challenges may have crossed my mind a couple of times during college but didn’t worry me until I came face to face with them.

For example:

paying off loans/bills: Although I was not fortunate enough to graduate college debt-free (like many others these days), I still consider myself lucky because the cost of my debt is “only” as much as that of a lower-end car. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m able to pay it off right away. My parents have been helping me out because I’m not financially stable enough to pay for my loans & my car & my insurance on my own yet. That’s where the full-time job comes in. I finally landed that dream job with the awesome boss and benefits… and then I lost it due to budget cuts. Here I am, a 23 year old living at home with the opportunity to contribute something to help out my family’s expenses and yet that very opportunity got taken away from me in the blink of an eye. It was a life lesson. I spent a couple of days feeling bad for myself, thinking about what I did wrong (NOTHING). It hurt but again, I find comfort in knowing I still have my parents’ support (emotionally and financially). So paying off my loans and bills is not gonna be possible until I land another job and I will. I’m determined.

parent/child relationship: I am forever indebted to my parents. They have shown me nothing but unconditional love over the years. But that doesn’t mean that I can fully accept still being treated like a child. I’m always going to be their daughter but I’m getting older. It’s only natural that I would want to go out & have fun with my friends. I took that freedom for granted when I was living in Irvine and going to college. Out of sight, out of mind. But now that I’m back under their line of vision and living again under their roof, I have to respect their rules. They don’t forbid me to go out and by now they understand that I am capable of making my own decisions. However, it doesn’t stop them from worrying about me or asking questions about my whereabouts constantly. I swear that I have to wear a collar or something so that they know where I am at all times. It’s understandable that they want me to be safe but again, I am now 23 years old. Filipino parents just don’t know when to let go and this is another reality/challenge I will have to deal with until I can afford to move out and live in an apt/house of my own. Again, this is impossible without a job.

self-identity: This is the recurring theme of your 20’s. Everyone tells you that in college, you are figuring out who you are. I don’t think I completely know who I am just yet but I am getting there. After each life experience & friendship/relationship, I’ve learned more and more about myself. I learned that I am impatient and want to see immediate results, I can’t start something without finishing it, I dislike confrontation but if pushed, I am capable of defending myself, I grew out of my pushover phase (for the most part), I love my friends & family, my faith is important to me, I’m relatively liberal about a lot of things, I am better at expressing my thoughts through writing than through speaking, I am persistent sometimes to the point of being stubborn, I bounce back, I am an extroverted introvert, sometimes being around people for long periods of time can exhaust me, I am understanding, caring, & empathetic, I try to see things from the other person’s perspective, I am strengthened by my shortcomings & challenges, I’m always inclined to do what’s right, I’m incredibly indecisive, I ask for advice but often times, don’t take it and instead follow my heart, and more importantly, there is nothing I want more than to help others and give constantly. I know my future career (when I finally decide what that is) will be centered around helping other people. Lastly, I am a woman of great heart and right conscience. I owe a lot of who I am to the people in my life.

Life after college and being an “adult” has it’s fair share of challenges but I am enjoying this stage of my life because I’m growing and I feel like I’m finally putting the pieces of my life together. It’s like a puzzle and I can’t imagine going back to the beginning when I’m finally making some progress.