But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.

So as I was lying awake on my bed, a thought occurred to me and I felt the urgency to blog. Looks like I haven't lost it just yet. However, now that I've turned on my laptop & signed onto blogger, my ideas have slipped away. Let me recollect those thoughts...

I'm sorry for being MIA lately but if you haven't heard yet,

I am officially employed :)

Thank You God & Thank You to all my beautiful prayer warriors out there. You're AMAZING!

Updates later!

I admit it. I am a sucker for romantic couplings. I LOVE love teams, real or fake. It's all the same to me. Nathan & Haley, Zack & Kelly, Cory & Topanga, Joey & Pacey, Seth & Summer, Kimberly & Tommy! David & Donna, Jericho & Kristine (why yes, I was a fan!), Vanessa & Zac, JUSTIN & BRITNEY (circa 1999-2002!) They all give me the butterflies & that warm lovey-dovey feeling. It's strange how even watching 2 actors pretend to be a couple makes me happy inside. These past few days I've been watching & re-watching old episodes of One Tree Hill and I can't even put into words how happy I get when I see Nathan & Haley interact in a scene together. I'm not even talking about a scene where they're kissing... it can just be the two of them talking or Nathan giving her that violet flower after a crappy date & telling her "don't say I never got you anything" or Nathan telling Haley how proud he was of her even when she left him to pursue her music career & when he brought out that box of newspaper clips that he collected of her while she was on tour & while they were apart. AHHHHHHHH sometimes I want to kick myself for being so enamored by these fake relationships because they are not real. Sometimes, I don't even want to believe it. Let's face it. NONE of us will ever have a story that's exactly like Nathan & Haley's or Cory & Topanga's and although I love these couples, truthfully I don't think I would want their stories anyway (who wants to get married at 16-17, be separated before graduating HS and then have a baby shortly afterwards?!) But what I appreciate the most about them is that I find HOPE in them. In a world where all you hear about is celebrities or athletes having extramarital affairs and cheating on their spouses, where tabloids and magazines make it their priority to shove down your throat the idea that true love doesn't exist, in a world where divorce has become the norm, it's understandable how someone would want to escape from it every once in a while. That's what these shows provide for me, an escape. Nowadays, I feel like I'm surrounded by peers and unfortunately even elders who no longer believe in that forever&always type of love. I didn't always believe in it either. I know that cynicism had to have started somewhere. Maybe they've been hurt by someone they loved before or maybe they haven't yet met that special person who changes their life for the better. People no longer treat marriage as a sacred covenant. Too many couples focus on the wedding and not the marriage itself, which probably explains why so many of them turn to divorce when things start to go wrong. I don't really know where I'm going with this but I do know that Love is real because God is real & God is Love.

p.s. Naley may be one of my all-time favorite couples but I gotta say, Branna's not too bad either :)

It was an amazingly relaxing weekend. I needed that after my long, unhappy week. Yesterday I woke up, dropped my mom off at her friend's house, bought Alex an ice blended at Coffee Bean because he was busy studying and got us some burgers & tacos from Yuca's for lunch. Then I watched TV while Alex was studying and around 5, we headed to Glendale to try some Fish King, which was similar to California Fish Grill but not quite as delicious. It did the job though. Dropped by Target, came home and watched the fight at my neighbor's house.

I woke up this morning around 5am feeling crappy. I had a bad stomach ache so I drank some tea and fell back asleep around 6 or 6:30 and slept in. Then I woke up, ate brunch, watched episodes of One Tree Hill (season 3! haha) and picked my mom up. We went to the mall where she shopped till she dropped and I watched haha. It was fun though. We had a late dinner at La Salsa at the food court. I had a shrimp burrito. My mom bought me a pair of boots that are just like my black ones except they're brown lol. Got home, Alex came home for a little, which is a good thing. Now my whole family is asleep except for me.

I made today a productive one! I applied to 2 jobs and inquired about 2 more through email and also checked on my jury duty registration. That deserves a pat on the back for sure.

I'm not Dorothy Jane but I figured I'd give it a shot. If you can land me a job right now, that would be ideal. Please? Thanks! :)

satisfying my hunger
written on Thursday, Mar. 16, 2006, @ 2:43 p.m..

Yeah yeah, two entries in one day… what’s up with this madness? Nothing. I just feel like it. This isn’t an emo one I promise. It originates from a sense of enlightenment that is very appeasing and comforting. God works in mysterious ways. The grumpiness that I experienced this morning has been replaced by this deep gratitude that I can’t explain. The feeling that I belong somewhere again… it’s an irreplaceable and remarkable one. For Him to bless me with another family after leaving the other one… it’s a measure of His unconditional love. I’m convinced that He knows what I need. He’s the only one who can fill my hunger and make me whole again. The past couple of months have involved so much transitioning and letting go. I was feeling so bogged down by my homesickness that I couldn’t see the gifts that He was presenting me with. I didn’t accept them immediately. My hall, my log family, my RA, my roommate…they are those gifts. I’ve changed so much because of all the blessings and people that have been in my life. I don’t know how to capture this feeling in words, but I’ll try. On the way to and from the Pacific Marine Mammal Center with Kirs and Brenton, I felt at peace. I really felt like I was a part of that family that I had previously been looking at from the outside or at least I felt like I was looking at them from the outside. This is how it feels like to be inside…to be accepted for who you are, no questions asked. All my older friends make me feel like I’m part of something bigger… something beyond myself. I don’t exactly know what role I play in all this but I know that I do have one and it’s amazing. I wish that everyone could find the sort of peace that these people have provided for me in college and I only hope to grow in faith with them or achieve at least half of the enormous faith that they all have demonstrated. I first encountered them during mass at the plaza and I remember thinking, wow that’s a close-knit group of people. But never once did I believe that I could fit into that group, that family. In a matter of months, I feel as though I’m their little sister. It’s a wonderful feeling and I never really stopped to reflect on it until now. God is sooo good. This time last year, I wouldn’t be able to share this with you. But now, I’ve gained the courage to. Now if I can only work on the trusting part. I’m sure I’m going to continue to grow in my faith journey from now on… I can just hear myself saying mama Mary and that is an achievement and reassurance in itself.


Kirs, Brenton and I got lost on our way to the mammal center. They picked me up at 11:30. We got there at like 12:15. Then we left around 12:30 and got back to Interfaith around 1. Rica, Bmay, Abby, Erwin, Joe, Dean, Ailene, Nimz, GP, Sarah, Maritess, Krystle, Angie, and Cristina were all still there. They saved meals for us. Spicy mashed potatoes in tomato sauce and GREEN water for St. Patrick’s Day. Talking to them makes my day better. It really does, despite all the tough love…it’s just that, love. Friendships in faith are totally different. You begin to disregard just how old your friends are. Imagine me having friends who are my older cousins’ age when THEY really wouldn’t even think about hanging out with me. Well maybe they would but it would be like… ohh I’m hanging out with my younger cousins. With LOG people, it’s not like that. They mess around with you as though you were equal. It’s fun. Then I walked to anthro around 1:43. I got there around 1:50 and took my final and finished it at 2:18. I hope I did okay. It got to the point where I didn’t care anymore. It was great. hahah. Anywayyy, now I’m here, THINKING about my beitz paper but not doing it. What a wonderful Thursday. Peace easy playa HAHAHAHA. Lame. See ya later!