before the start of a new quarter is GOOD. more later. bye!

i'm a girl and it's in my nature to think.

welcome spring quarter! i'm not afraid of you. this is my year. the end.

literally!!!!!! i'm so happy right now. so so sooo happy! yeah, i FINALLY got it! after yeaaaaaars of saying i would get it, i got it. on my high school sophomore year life map, i said i'd get it at 16 but 5 years later is better than never and it's all because of my brother who helped me practice this entire week when he could've been playing brawl or watching tv or hanging out with friends instead. a million props to him! and a million more props to God and to me for being persistent and taking it again and again and again until i finally passed. you should've seen the smile on my face.

and to top it off, grades are up and this was my best quarter ever :D

not to mention, my mom just got us tickets to see wicked in june!!!!!! i'm soooooooo excited!

the only thing missing from this break is meeting a celebrity or something... and spending time with friends i haven't seen in a while (like MEECHY!) AND spending time with him too (corny, i know).

also my brother saw John Salley? some bball player that i don't know at the DMV.

you know what i realized too? my biggest enemy is fear. i know it's all in my head but it seriously prevents me from doing what i want to do because i get scared. today i prayed really hard, not to pass, but for the courage and strength to battle those demons inside my head that said i couldn't do it. my problem is always thinking i'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough, skilled enough... and i always end up forgetting that because I'm made in His image, I AM ENOUGH. easier said than done, right? but the truth is that i am more than enough and if i keep convincing myself i'm not, i'll just stay stuck in an awful rut. it's so frustrating. i remember last year angie mentioning to me... what if the fear and nervousness is not of God? hearing that alone scared me... fear can be both good and bad... when it gets to the point where your fear stops you from doing, from acting, from LIVING... that's when it's not of Him. He does not want you to be too scared to wake up, too scared to try something new, too scared to love... if anything, we should find comfort in Him. i'm taking it day by day and today was a definitely a victory against fear.

i'm learning to appreciate my parents so much more. another one of my grade school friends is dealing with the loss of a parent. prayers for my friend valentine and his dad... our parents were close too. his dad is currently on DNR or do not resuscitate. my dad doesn't deal well with hospitals so he's too scared to visit him. first krizel, then len, and now val :( i don't think anyone is ever ready to lose a parent so please pray for him and his family.

speaking of my dad, he currently said "ESTUPID!!!!!!" and other words that i choose not to type out because they are too profane. so i'm assuming the laker game did not go well. on that note, good night and have a good weekend!

THINK POSITIVELY.

grades are silly.

but so am i.

p.s. quick shout out to derrick & joe! congrats on the win :) hope you both are doing well.

p.p.s. why doesn't anybody blog anymore???!?!?!

haha. i can't complain about this break. it's been good to me. if i could just press pause and soak up every moment of it, i would. family, friends, food...life at home has almost everything. sometimes i wish i could just live at home and be closer to school. but that'd involve commuting. boo.

anyway, glendale galleria, eagle rock plaza, the grove, beverly center, beverly hills quite a bit these past few days... good times with good people.

i can't shake it off. i cannottttttttttt. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. but i have to so i will.

i want to sleep. i think i might take a nap soon.

retail therapy?

i wish i had the-n in irvine because there's a Degrassi Spring Break movie that i would really like to see.

anyway, that's all out of me today.

PEACE.

it would be the years 1999-2001. what i would give to see BSB, Nsync, & Britney at their peak again. i would PAY to be able to see them in concert. nothing's ever gonna be the same but it's nice to look back once in a while. thanks for the reminder wing haha.

this has been an eventful break already. lots of catching up. lots of shopping but not really. i bought a pair of sandals from urban and i love them. i've worn them every day since i got them.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i'm gonna try not to stress out so much. i've realized that it's bad for me.

YAY HOME & home cooked meals & parents! :D

YAY SPRING BREAK!

gnight!

my household goes crazy during laker games... dad, mom & brother. seriously. and if my uncles & cousins were here, i could only imagine.

Serena Williams & Common?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?

got my mind on my money & other things too. but it's okay. it will alllllll be okay.

yo'mama pt 3? LOL.

i am itchy. ugh and i have allergies too ugh.

brainstorming.

i'm getting sleepy.

i caught up with an old friend today :) it was nice.

okay that is all. i am boring. peace out!

the thing about love / is i never saw it coming / it kind of crept up / and took me by surprise / and now there's a voice inside my heart / its got me wondering is it true.. I wanna hear it one more time / move in a little closer / take it to a whisper / just a little louder... / Say it Again for me / cause i love the way it feels / when you are telling me that i'm / the only one who blows your mind / say it again for me /it's like the whole world / stops to listen / when you tell me you're in love... / say it again / the thing about you / is you know just how to get me / you talk about us / like there's not end in sight / the thing about me / is that i really wanna let you / open that door and walk into my life / move in a little closer / take it to a whisper / just a little louder.. / Say it Again for me / cause i love the way it feels / when you are telling me that i'm the only one who blows your mind / say it again for me / it's like the whole world stops to listen / when you tell me you're in love../ and it feels like / it's the first time / that anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain / never in my whole life / have i heard words/ as beautiful as when you say my name..

marie digby is soooo good... but so is my ring sister. she did a beautiful version of this song (melody, harmony & guitar)... now this is now my favorite song of the moment. digging marie digby...HA! ahhhhh i love it. her album comes out april 8th! i'm excited.

it feels good to be home but i miss you! :)

today was a good day to start off break... with friends. it's always good. so many people i wanna see & things i wanna do while i'm on break. i love home because i can just rest. i took a two hour nap earlier. AHHHH! yay!!! sleep is the thing i look forward to the most... that and food. even though i had a ton of food for lunch today i still ate lots for dinner. my mom is sooo silly bc she bought a "welcome home" mango cake from red ribbon for me and my brother. i woke up from my nap to my dad, mom and brother yelling at the tv bc it was the ucla game. oh home.

hey i made it, i'm the world's greatest. done with finals, done with winter quarter and i know i worked EXTRA hard this finals week so i am waiting to see the fruits of my labor. i am determined to bring up that GPA. i hope it all pays off and if not, there's always next quarter... a clean slate and a new opportunity to start off on the right foot. i think this quarter, it hit me that THIS IS IT. this is the last half of my college career (can you believe it?!) it's time for me to step it up academically, socially, and spiritually and mentally too. No more of that second guessing myself, no more of that lack of confidence, no more of that letting my insecurities get the best of me because if i don't start to believe in myself who will? there's so many experiences ahead of me. sometimes i dread next year just because it makes me realize how many more of the people i love will no longer be here. but i have to suck it up and accept it. that's life and i'm happy for everyone around me who will be starting new adventures. right now He's calling me to be here and do whatever i am doing and i'm content with that.

9 yo & it's been a year since that day. CRAZY! :)

anddddd i finally know how to work my blackberry messenger. about time right?

AND i bought my build-a-bear named mr. teddy bear a laker jersey lol.

lastly, i want crumbs & scoops & maybe some diddy riese while i'm here.

tomorrow is Easter Sunday! :D

happy almost Easter everyone!

Labels: marie digby

to be done at 330
and to go home tomorrow morning!!!!!!!!!! my parent's are picking me up at 8!!!!! YAY!

that's all. back to studying.

at csl.

actually there's a couple more of us who are burdened with friday finals but oh well. gotta deal with what you're given. i just got back from Mass and i realized how much i miss going to mass with my family. i really miss home. just one more day!

AWKWARD MOMENTS!

this has been such a crazy week... but the thing is, none of the crazy things actually happened to me. i guess it's nice being a bystander and just watching from afar.

i am TIRED.

but i am calm. i've been calm. sure i've been a bit whiny but i refrained from blogging during those times.

it's just one of them days...

one more final to go and i've totally missed out on days of finals tips... let me think....

Finals tip #16: Manage your time well... or in other words, if you have multiple finals make sure to spread out the studying throughout the week if you can... or at least try to spend an equal amount of time studying each subject. it sucks to cram information about one subject all in one day... but we're all still guilty of doing it.

there's a lot of things i wish i did.
but let's not dwell on the past.

have a good day! good luck to those with friday finals (myself included) you can do it!

:)

Labels: finals, holy week

is going to be so different.
i'm scared, nervous, anxious, worried, excited, sad... but i trust You.

create in me & make me Your instrument.

i wonder how it's going to be when you guys leave...

but i can do it!

it may be a different generation, but it's the same Loving God... he ALWAYS provides.

after a night of hitting the books, i gotta get ready to sleep.

studying @ wood's cove.

finals tip #15:
you don't have to study by yourself... sometimes studying with company is just what you need. however, you shouldn't get too distracted by the company either. company + productivity not company - productivity


okay so i'm still at wood's cove and julian is taking a nap. i bet wherever dumo is right now, he's taking a nap too. anyway i am currently studying for p108 (a very interesting class) and all the articles i've been reading lately have been about love... and i know most of you are not in the mood to read about love & rainbows & butterflies and all that mushy stuff... but this line stuck out to me & i had to share it...

"Among the things that increase in importance as a relationship grows are willingness to change in response to each other and willingness to tolerate each other's imperfections"

"In the beginning... some of the other person's flaws might not seem important. They may even seem kind of cute, but over the long term they may begin to grate on you. You both have to be willing to make some changes to make the relationship work and you both have to be willing to tolerate some flaws"

lol.. i'm not implying that brenton is flawed or that he's annoying me right now by sharing that line but i'm definitely beginning to see how important that quality is in a relationship. i am human and lately, i've been easily irritable... because of finals, because there's still a lot to do even if the quarter has ended, because i just want to sleep, because i'm pretty homesick and i miss my family, and just because i need time to myself... so it's no surprise that i've been super sensitive about a lot of things and easily irked by a lot of situations... but the best part about it is... that even though i've been a bit mean to him lately (i'm sorry!!!)... he's still there to take me to get food, tell me to study, drive me home, take care of me... and to listen. i know in the beginning we both realized how stubborn we are... (he's very stubborn) haha and we've gotten into our fair share of fights...but THE most awesome thing about this relationship is the growth, our growth as individuals... and our ability to adjust to the changes. we've both made strides to be a little less stubborn, a little more patient and a little more understanding... i know he's definitely been doing that this past week... even last week when i didn't feel like talking to him because i was so stressed and because i made assumptions, he still called & that's probably one of the nicest & most caring things that he could've done for me lately :) even when i'm angry, he still asks what's wrong & that's how you know that things are gonna be okay. if that ain't love, then i don't know what love is... and if you're reading this, which you probably are... and you're probably shaking your head at the fact that i wrote this when i should be studying... thank you & i love you! yay the end.

back to the books!

Labels: brenton, finals, relationships

i'm gon' work harder, i'm a survivor, i'm gonna make it, i will survive, keep on survivin'

:)

a little less than 24 hours later & i am still here and by "here" i don't mean CSL for once lol. i am FINALLY done with my papers for the quarter...i wrote a total of 38 pages! wow! unfortunately, it's not play time just yet... finals are right around the corner but for now i will enjoy this little break in between. taking a breather, that's what i'm doing tonight.

good job at tonight's game... whose necks! it was an exciting one. i don't know much about basketball but it's always fun to cheer lol.

what else has been going on? ummm... Liwanag potluck was good :D oh and can i just say that i love PASS's dollar menu?! i can spend all my money there... sort of. today we had a PASS counselor hang out at cha and that was fun too.

last friday was also awesome... hanging out with joe & brenton at the spectrum... eating at fish grille... this is all out of order by the way.

oh yeahhh AND i got to go to the kitsch bar with brenton, joe, kathee, dean, and kirs for the first time ever. i had like 2 drinks and sips of joe's lol. i don't know my tolerance yet but i'm really excited because now i get to go to clubs & bars & VEGAS! it's weird because before i turned 21 i was never too excited about that stuff but want to go out and experience 21-year-old-ness... weird. don't worry though, i'm not gonna go crazy now. i'm still me. duh. anyway...if you're going to vegas anytime soon, take me with you! ... lol jk.

i have lots of decisions to make.
emerging adulthood? i think so.

the less i know the better... sometimes i know too much for my own good? i don't know. haha.

THANK YOU ERWIN for letting me interview you for my paper. you're the best!

ANYWAY... i got stuff to handle and i will handle it.

praying for you all! have a good day!

this is one of my favorite quotes ever now... thanks to p106:

“Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet

voice at the end of the day saying,

"I will try again tomorrow.”

i want the oldies (alums) to come back... even if it's just for a day... but they all have to come back on the same day because it's better if they do. that would be really cool... like a reunion!

anyway, still at CSL. booooooooooo.

i'll make longer posts as soon as these papers are behind me.

not about me.
not about school.
not about liwanag.
not about You.


but about you. i feel so incredibly helpless. i care about you but ultimately this is your decision. i can't do anything about it but pray & hope that things will all work out. sometimes i wonder why you tell me things but if it enables me to be Your instrument, then so be it.

i can no longer work on my papers. it's pretty much impossible right now.

all i can do is pray.

i'm so blessed & i know i forget it sometimes... but thank You.

c o m p e t i t i v e.


relax & breathe. i need to tell myself that.

everything will be a-okay.

SE194W Paper = wednesday
P08 paper = Thursday
P106 paper = Thursday

WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO.

But these make me feel a whole lot better:

7:55:27 PM SuperNixon2: yo, anna
7:55:34 PM SuperNixon2: you can do it!

hahayoofarted: hey anna! ur a champ!!!! u can handle this =) dont stress and just let brain power flow....good luck & God bless!!!

I MISS THOSE GIRLS!
I MISS A LOT OF PEOPLE!
I MISS YOU!

back to the papers.

i am not ready for the time change.

i really need to remove unnecessary icons on my macbook, fix my binder of a million scattered paper, clear out my side of the bathroom sink because i don't use a lot of the products that are still on there, ORGANIZE my closet (ugh pain), and just clean clean clean in general.

but before i can do all that, i need to write 3 papers. YAY ME!

so here i am at CSL on a Saturday morning attempting to be productive but failing miserably. baby steps right?

i don't know what to think sometimes. it's natural to be annoyed?

yesterday & last night was the most fun i've had in a while. it was like first year fun status... but taken up a notch since i'm older. but yes good times, yeaaah dumo!

i should get started huh? i need to do a majority of it before lunch.

ttyl!

p.s. i need to start blogging again haha. i know what it feels like to have nothing to read. i used to be so good at this.

Prayers for you & your family Kim & Krystle.

p.p.s.

things i wish i could tell my freshman self...

It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to feel awkward & uncomfortable once in a while. It's okay to share with others and at the same time it's okay to keep things to yourself. It's okay to be confused. It's okay to let loose. It's okay to say "I don't know." It's okay to say "no." It's okay to be afraid... of the unfamilar, of change, of new opportunities, of saying "yes." It's okay to not know who you are quite yet. It's okay to explore. It's okay to let go. It's okay to let others see you cry ... it's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel imperfect as long as you realize that what you see in the mirror is not what we see, it's not what He sees... at times when you feel unloved or unworthy, or ugly, You are not. You're beautiful because you're made in his image. It's okay to have doubts. It's okay to Love, it's okay to share your gifts with the world, It's okay to let people in. It's okay to NOT know... if anything, a majority of the things you're going to experience in college are things you do not know about so accept it & learn from it. it's okay to be a teenager, it's okay to be a young adult, it's okay to be YOUNG... cherish it, embrace it, don't let it go just because you're looking forward to something else. you won't get this time in your life back so enjoy it while you can, there's nothing wrong with wanting to grow up but don't force it... GROWING UP is GRADUAL. it's not something that happens overnight. growth is beautiful so find comfort in the journey and try not to focus too much on the destination. finally, it's okay to be YOU. let others see YOU, let others see who you really are. it's okay to be vulnerable. it's always flattering to be compared to other people, it's okay to look up to other people but in the end YOU are YOU. there is none like YOU so why deprive the world of the intelligent, beautiful, & inspiring person that YOU are? It's okay to be yourself.

love, anna

Labels: spring

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

i had so many dreams last night. too many to remember. seriously. i should start writing them down or recording them again. the night before that i had a dream where i was taking a written test that i had previously failed 3 times... and it was just me and mel and someone else that i can't remember at the table. i was talking to mel and said "i hope i pass this time" and just as i was about to take my test my dream ended.

as for tonight's dreams... they involved roasted marshmallow gelato in which you could decide whether you want the gelato roasted or melted and everyone said melted. then another dream where brenton was reading immac panda magazines but fell asleep. and another one where i was in my bed and then i see this HUGE bug appear out of nowhere and i start screaming and asking people to kill it... it actually wasn't a bug, it was more like a lizard or a tiny reptile.

that's all for the dreams.

i don't want to get my hopes up. i really don't but i can't help it sometimes.

the closer i get to my fourth year, the more anxious and excited i am.

sometimes i forget that i have a year left to graduation. the amount of research that i've put into my post-undergraduate plans lately make it seem like i'm gonna be done by the end of this quarter. but i'm not... even if i could be done early, i don't really want to because have to do more and make the most out of my time left in college... like getting to know my professors? (especially since i'm taking all upper div classes now), taking more upper div psych classes centered around the population that i'd want to counsel (because they might come in handy when grad apps come around), look into research (because that's a way of getting to know your professor AND gaining experience in your major... killing two birds with one stone), volunteering in different places to get a feel for what kind of setting i'd want to work in (education?, community?, and yes even medical?), scoring an AWESOME internship (i have a few ideas in mind), networking, finding someone to shadow (but i'm not expecting too much in that dept), oh and if time permits, studying abroad (bmay? abby? 09'ers? let's!)

sooooo many opportunities. i've definitely scratched out the teacher idea. i can but i can't see myself doing it right now... maybe in the long run.

but the counselor idea... that's something i really want to do... that or the occupation that my friend told me about.

this summer is my summer to be productive. even if i'm not taking summer school, it's the perfect chance for me to take steps in exploring my future plans and as scary as that sounds, I AM EXCITED.

i am starting to believe in myself guys. YAY ME!

so that is what's been going on in my head as of late. so distracted with the future but i need to get my head in the present. FOCUS. week nine is drawing to a close but week 10, i will handle. EVERYTHING.

anyway hope you're all having a good week. i gotta head over to work or something. booooo. praying for you always.

p.s. i'm really happy for you and you. you deserve to be happy. and it makes me happy when other people are happy... in fact according to dean...

5:24:19 PM dinb0y15: the forest represents your "life"
5:24:29 PM Anna Liza: uhhuh
5:24:49 PM dinb0y15: you said it was bright. that means that you are generally happy in life...more light = more happiness
5:25:00 PM Anna Liza: ooohhh
5:25:58 PM dinb0y15: the fact that there was a path means that you have certain goals that you are pursuing. since it's a straight path, these goals should not have too many obstacles that are overwhelmingly difficult for you


that's all.... Spring is definitely in the air... and so is something else. LAWL. k have a nice day!!!

Labels: counselor, dreams, future

this is one of the most important lessons i learned at the PASS conference today. more later. peace.

it's halfway through week 9 and have i REALLY studied?
not at all.

i keep getting distracted by this, that, etc. ughhhhhhhhh so frustrating. starting today i will buckle down. i need to. or else.

to do list:
- revise SE194W 20-page paper
- write p106 paper
- write p108 paper
- read for p108
- read for p106
- read for SE194W
- STUDY FOR FINALS.

but before all that...
Today is PASS's CAPP Conference, tomorrow is the basketball game & Mel's 20th birthday (mel, how are you younger than me?), friday is Dumo's bday celebration & nerf war, this weekend is all about the books for me. i need to live at csl again. speaking of csl, i might just go there soon... after work. shower time. peaaaace.