the mood to blog strikes me at the most random times. tonight or more like this morning, after i got home from in n' out & benefit concert practice, after i stressed out about how i'm gonna get all my fieldwork hours done on time and how i'm gonna cram 4 chapters of abnormal psych into my brain in one weekend and how i'm gonna write a 10 page paper in the span of 5 days (which is actually counted as 3 days because of gala and benefit concert and my cousin's engagement party) , i decided to postpone starting my paper tonight... and blog instead. so much is going on in my mind right now. i need to sort it out & what better way to sort it out than through words. oh blogger, you've been there for me so much the past two years, why would i deprive you of today?

so... my desk is a mess (again)
my sleeping habits are out of whack (again)
my thoughts are all over the place (again)
my stress level is at an all time high (again)
and yet tonight/ last night, my heart was truly captured (again).

this whole quarter, we've talked about how we're supposed to open ourselves up to Him and allow our hearts to be captured by Him & His Love. i didn't genuinely feel that myself until last night... after our final benefit concert practice with such a high turn out of people, new people, new members of our LOG family. while singing the "Our Father" I looked around at every face in the circle and realized, THIS is what i've inherited, what we've inherited... this FAMILY. this is what makes the entire journey worth it, no matter how tired we are, no matter how many times we fall short & no matter how many times we feel like giving up, no matter how hard it is for us to believe in ourselves and our abilities... none of this matters because He is the glue that keeps us together. He's our Provider and as long as we hold out our arms, He's there to embrace us and accept us... He welcomes us into this family. Lord knows it's been difficult for me this quarter, this getting used to being looked to for advice, encouragement, & guidance when i've been so used to looking to others. i've been so focused on trying to capture other people's hearts while forgetting to allow my own to be captured. i cannot thank You enough for this gift You have given me. too often i've let myself be come bogged down by petty & insignificant matters like school & grades & material things that won't matter in the long run. i've overlooked the blessings You've given me in the friends that i've made and in the family that You've blessed me with. i can't thank You enough for holding my hand and guiding me through the older generations and alumni & i can't thank You enough for allowing me to hold the hands of the future generation.

i'm so excited for tonight, for tomorrow, for this homecoming because tonight i saw Your face in the faces of the young ones. I saw past LOG'ers faces too. this circle is constantly expanding & never ending and it's because of You. You bring us together and tonight I ask that You continue to bless us and make us Your instruments. we're singing for no one else but You. help us put down our burdens and lift ourselves up to You because we're Yours, not just for tonight but for every day of the rest of our lives.

your Love is amazing & thank You for calling such unworthy servants "friends."

i am in AWE of You and i know that tonight will be nothing short of amazing because that's what You are.

all for You.

my third benefit concert. it's crazy how fast this is going.

hi oldies, i can't wait to see you! <3

...No Greater Love have I ever known,
You considered me a friend,
Capture My Heart (Again).

amen.

Labels: benefit concert, third year

i'm ridiculous & sadly, i am ruled by school.

so i woke up bright and early this morning around 10:30, walked to SSL to do my experiment, which only took 15 minutes of my time. Upon walking to work & still in the social science area, I realized "oh no I forgot to include the "next steps" portion to my paper that i turned in yesterday (which would only have been a few sentences). this train of thought led me to thinking "how many points is he going to take off for that?" to "will he take off more points for not including it than for turning in a late paper?" to "a late paper is 5 points off" to "maybe i should take my chances of turning in a revised copy of my essay today and get 5 points off, it might be better than the incomplete one i turned in yesterday."

and how do i go about executing this genius idea? well let me tell you. i speedwalk to the social science computer lab in SST and log on and add the "next steps" part to my paper. then i realize, "oh i have to use a NACs printing card but i don't have one and that requires cash" so i look in my wallet and find a one dollar bill and 2 dollars in quarters. i try my luck and head to the lab assistant's office to purchase a printing card and ask for change in dollar bills. he looks in his wallet, shakes his head no and tells me to go to phoenix grille for change. i go back to the lab, ask a girl to save my seat, and rush over to phoenix grille to change my quarters into dollars. then i race over to SST and buy my printing card and go to the lab and print out my paper all over again, costing me $1.10 (YEAH I KNOW)... anyway, i go to the lab assistant's office and staple my paper together and look for my TA in SSL. i remembered that his room number was 206 but could not for the life of me find it. i walked around most of the second floor of SSL searching for it(i'm dumb haha) so i got frustrated and went back to the lab assistant who was probably fed up with my questions and asked him where it was and he just responded "this is SST, it's in SSL, and made a hand motion as to where it was located in terms of a square." i didn't get it so i just said "oh alright" and then i walk back to SSL, realized i didn't search the back of the building and lo and behold, SSL 206. i peeked into the door, saw my TA in an empty classroom which was supposed to be a discussion section and walked in. i asked him if i could turn in a revised copy of my essay without points taken off and he graciously replied yes and asked me if i turned it in yesterday and i said yes i did and he accepted the new copy of my paper, wrote on the top of it indicating that it was the paper he had to grade and not the other one... and then i skipped outside of the classroom happily ever after... just kidding. i didn't skip but i was relieved that he still accepted my paper. with that weight off my shoulder, i walk to brandywine to grab a to-go lunch and called my boss... because the time it took me to get all that done was the time i was supposed to be at work. i told her i couldn't come in after that whole ordeal... actually i just told her i couldn't go because i have fieldwork today and that is the truth. now i will continue eating my salad and wonder why i make my life so complicated...

to this story, bernie responded, "if that were me, i would've just gone back to the apartment"

if only it were that easy...

anyway, i think i'm going through some life crisis right now. i don't know what it is but i'll tell you when i find out.

Labels: bernie, phoenix grille, school, story

i am done.

i didn't do so well on my quiz but i'm hoping to do better on my paper...

straight scale & no curve.

sorry for being MIA... it's week 9! school mode.

thanks for the bomb dot com. i miss you.

thanks for the surprise phone call. i can't wait to see you again.

get better soooon :) so we can talk on the phone again. i'll call hahaha.

YOU GOT THIS. i believe in you. you're AMAZINGLY cool.

& last but not least,
thank you for
dropping me off at school
& walking me to the study lounge
& eating lunch with me
& bringing me dinner
& studying with me
& editing my essay :)
iloveyou!you'rethebest!Y

how's that for corny? hahah. the end.

i think i can, i think i can...
i know i can, i know i can...

YES WE CAN.

i just have to focus and that is what im doing or trying to do.

enrollment window opens today... yay?

that is all.

paper&studytime.

Everywhere I'm turning
Nothing seems complete
I stand up and I'm searching
For the better part of me
I hang my head from sorrow
Slave to humanity
I wear it on my shoulders
Gotta find the strength in me

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

For all the mothers fighting
For better days to come
And all my women, all my women sitting here trying
To come home before the sun
And all my sisters
Coming together
Say yes I will
Yes I can

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

When I'm breaking down
And I can't be found
And I start to get weak
Cause no one knows
Me underneath these clothes
But I can fly
We can fly, Oooohh

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

Adele, thank you for telling me to listen to this song tonight lol. I know people are gonna get annoyed by my Immac-ness for this but my h.s. friends really know how to make me smile...even though i know that only gia, trina, kayla, kristina, bernice, kim and maybe caitlin read this... THANK YOU for reminding me what it means to be a "woman of great heart & right conscience." no matter how old i get, i can always count on you to bring me back home & that is the truth.

of course, LOG's always got my back...THANK YOU! from my freshman year till infinity HAHA. i'd hope so! actually i know so. thanks for the prayers & for the advice & for just being the people i can turn to unconditionally. if that ain't Love, then i don't know what Love is. LOG you are God's Love from above.

and with that, i welcome this difficult week 9 with not so open arms. back to back papers & quizzes. it's time to show junior year what i'm made of... but what if i'm not made of a lot? lol. JUST KIDDING GUYS! i can do it! we can do it! all things through Christ right?

counting down till Christmas, seriously.

annanymouslizard: im stressed and hungry lol
brenton913: lol
brenton913: story of your life

:)

TRUE.

this might be cheesy & you don't have to read it if you don't want to but i really do love my best friend aka boyfriend aka brenton michael aka brenton. YEAH i said it & yes i do :D thanks for putting up with me & finding ways to make me smile. i know i can be difficult sometimes (haha) but you get an infinite number of props for loving me anyway. teamwork son <3!

okay that's all.
take it easy.
cause i sure won't. hahah. BYE!

Labels: alicia keys, brenton, immac, LOG, superwoman

i want to watch enchanted.

ee cummings reminds me of AP english lit & ms. conklin...sometimes i wonder how it would be if i weren't a psych major. i like to read but all i read are textbooks now :/

i like this new layout... except i don't like how it completely omitted the title "in between."

oh well. you win some, you lose some.

speaking of losing, i'm losing sleep so i'm gonna stop distracting myself, go to bed, wake up and study/read some more :(

edit:
P.S. i hate studying during my Thanksgiving break. LAME.

Labels: enchanted, layout, movies

As we were heading home last night from not one but two Thanksgiving parties, I couldn't help but think about how fortunate I am to have been able to celebrate thanksgiving with my family AND my friends every year. I guess yesterday just struck a chord with me. There are so many changes going on and not enough time to keep up with them. Losses, good-byes, welcoming new members into the family, engagements, birthdays...the cycle of life. Lola Abbrenica is getting older and moving to the Philippines for good in a few months, Nanay Choleng is not as strong as she used to be so Tita Vi had to stay home and take care of her, Penny the cat passed away after 14 years (she had cancer and got so skinny and frail that she had to be put to rest), Kuya Dan & his girlfriend of 5 years are finally engaged, everyone is growing up and getting older. I don't like thinking too far into the future because it scares me. Time, you are a gift and a curse. Live in the present moment right? if only it were as easy as it sounds.

God has blessed us with so much but we tend to dwell on what we lack... i pray that i stay satisfied with what He's given me because i believe that He's given me way more than I deserve.

I went shopping today but for the first time ever in the history of black Fridays, I didn't go crazy...maybe it was the crowd of people rushing in and out of every store, maybe it was the tiresome wait & long lines, maybe it was the mess people left on the floor as they scrambled to find the item they wanted most, or maybe it was just because i'm picky and didn't stumble upon anything i liked. i did however manage to get hairspray. that's really one of the only things i wanted besides Alicia Keys' album.

My brother's friend has this saying, "Regret looks back, Worrying looks around, & Faith looks up"

I need to look around less & look up more.

with that, goodbye friends. it's time to write a paper & study for a quiz.

have a beautiful rest of the weekend.

Labels: black fridays, getting older, hairspray, thanksgiving, time

my massive thanksgiving thank you post from last year?

well i totally can't recreate it. so i just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone in my life. thank you for your smiles, concern, laughter, comfort, hugs, prayers, company, faith, encouragement, support, and your LOVE. i could not get through the day without them. this is my all-encompassing thank you because i know i should be thanking you every day for being in my life and blessing me with your love but how great is it that there is a day that exists for the sole purpose of telling the people around you how much you appreciate them? sure, saying thank you should be a given but some people out there are oblivious. make sure you go out and let people know how grateful you are for them. because i sure will.

happy thanksgiving! eat lots... eat like beasts...but courteous beasts! praying for you!

<3anna

Labels: thanksgiving

happy five, son.

Labels: brenton

blog entries, words, school, jobs, friendships & relationships, faith, prayer life, love...even getting a decent amount of sleep to keep me functioning takes work. all of this takes work and lately i haven't been putting forth enough effort or at least i think i haven't. i get things done but i don't know if at the end of the day i can honestly say "God, I've tried my best" because i know that i'm capable of doing so much more but i'm so tired. i know there are SO many people who are tired, who more tired than me and have a reason to be. tons of the people around me have more substantial problems to worry about and deal with. but i'm being real with myself by saying "i am tired..."

i was telling brenton earlier that nothing's been fun for me recently. unfortunately, almost everything i do on a daily basis feels like an obligation. the times i do get to hang out with people, i find myself thinking "what time is this gonna end? what am i doing tomorrow? how am i gonna _______ ? (fill in the blank with a variety of answers here)" and even then my mind is not completely present because i'm so preoccupied. my to-do list is never ending... although i'm sure the rest of this busy world has the same problem. i've never felt this way before. so restless & not knowing how to fix it. prayer fixes everything but i haven't been able to entirely lift myself & my crosses up to Him. i don't want to be a burden...even though i know He's willing to help carry them... He's giving me stronger shoulders but am i using them? and if i am, am I relying too heavily on them? or am i neglecting the fact that He's given them to me? i'm not even sure. life is so fast paced right now. i try taking it one day at a time but at the end of the day, i'm unaware of what i've accomplished, if anything. the next day, my worries start over. i don't believe it should be this way. my worries from one day shouldn't have to carry over to the next. am i depressed? no. far from it. i'm happy with my life but i have problems enjoying it? that sounds so wrong. i don't know how to have fun anymore and i'm running out of outlets.

tuesday night's closing prayer was an outlet for me. when i cry (which i do very often), i feel at ease? it's replenishing to my soul. i don't know if that makes sense but it felt relieving to let everything i was feeling out, to put down all the weight on my shoulders, and to just talk to You. i haven't been talking to You lately. maybe that's why Tuesday night's meeting and Monday night's visit to the Blessed Sacrament hit me so hard.

maybe i've been searching around for the wrong outlet this entire time... because You've always been right under my nose. i overlook You from time to time but i do believe that my heart will not rest until it rests in You Lord God. i am so tired but i ask that You allow me to make everyday Yours.

i will be complete in You.

praying for everyone.

<3anna

This past Monday I went with my mom and my brother to Olvera Street for a school project. We just planned on staying there for a few minutes but we ended up staying there for an hour and a half. My favorite part of the visit was going to Our Lady Queen of Angels and just being there inHis presence beside my mom... it was her first time there in 20 years...

she got married to my dad in that church & if you could see the look in her eyes, she was tearing up and so was I. the three of us just sat there quietly in adoration of Him. the Blessed Sacrament was exposed & and it was beautiful.

Labels: Blessed Sacrament, interfaith, mom, olvera street

is ridiculous.

but who am i to complain?

=P

Labels: third year

i want alicia keys' new album
& grown up low-cut boots like kathy's
& more winter jackets.

i need to stop procrastinating
& start doing homework
& writing papers
& studying.

i should get ready to go right now.

i will eat lunch soon
& go back to irvine today
& pay for my gala ticket.

i wonder what i'm gonna wear?

Labels: alicia keys, gala

remember that show? no? okay. this has been an interesting weekend. sorry i missed dinner frances, bmay, janice, & kd, i hope i'm forgiven :/ last night when i finally got home home after derrick's game & dj bibingkahan's, i knocked out around 540 and woke up around 9.... i slept around 1 again and woke up at 7 for mass. i'm still sleepy.

i'm gonna add sushi/ philadelphia rolls & crunch rolls & eel to my list of favorite things... AND mediterranean food too.

today was an interesting and good experience. i went to my first JFAV and it's literally like blocks away from me. i didn't realize that we were gonna be rallying around my neighborhood. right after mass at ihm, my brother and i went with his old friend jaimie to JFAV and ran into tons of people including gia, mike, & rachelle and irvine people of course. the manongs are so amazing and cute haha. i'm filipino and yet i still feel somewhat detached from my roots. is that bad? i'm trying to educate myself. no history, no self... know history, know self. i like that.

when i woke up this morning, i decided that alex and i should match so i put on my UCI sweater to match his. my mom & dad loved it... and alex, not so much. you can tell he wasn't for the idea but we got so many compliments from people at JFAV. sibling love, guys, sibling love. speaking of siblings, we took a sibling picture with Muscles aka Will and his sister Janice... haha i got alex to call will muscles HAHAH.

pictures to prove it:

This is alex trying copy my cool pose hahah:
still, no homework done. lame. it's my fault. anyway i hope everyone's having a good veteran's day weekend :D see ya soon.

Labels: brother, derrick, dj bibingkahan, jfav, roots, siblings, sushi

Thought it would never change but as time moved on
that ugly duckling grew up to be a swan
And now your chest burns and your back aches
Because now the years are showing up on your face
But you'll never be happy
And you'll never be whole
Until you see the beauty in growing old


So this is third year?

Labels: growing up, india arie

MacBook (still unnamed) & my blue polka dotted MacBook case, gmail.com, $1 teddy bear from Target, $1 panda bear from Ralph's, SoBe beverages, Lipton Green Tea with Citrus, Crystal Cove Study Lounge, BSB's "Unbreakable", University of California, Irvine hoodie, Hello Kitty!, my bright green 0708 planner, Adium...

to be continued.

i'm in class. it is boring.

Labels: adium, csl, gmail, hello kitty, lipton green tea, mac, planner, sobe, teddy bear, UCI

dean gregorio.
<3anna

Labels: dean

- went to derrick's basketball game! yay derrick!!!
- filipino food at pinoy pinay. i love filipino food.
- buying the BSB cd!!!! ktbspa!
- i got a pedicure for the very first time with kirs & kathy. that was cool!
- dinner with joe, brenton, & brenton's family!
- running into kuya lionel at H&M
- studying at CSL!
- getting a Gmail account!!!! hahah thanks for the invite joe. i feel grown-up now!
- breakfast with frances&erweirdo at ihop's! yummm cinnamon french toast :)
- fieldwork & helping the kids make macaroni skeletons for el dia de los muertos
- L&L's and talks with bmay!
- finishing my midterms
- an email from one of the most C.A.R.I.N.G people everrr. lylas&m! (i can't wait).

now i'm gonna go to the study lounge and study a bit before work. bye!

Labels: bellamay, brenton, csl, derrick, erwin, fieldwork, filipino food, frances, gmail, joe, kathy, kirs, meechy, pedicure

:) hehehe. pandalove.

I can see in your eyes
Broken windows, fallen skies
Baby, baby what you hidin' from
The light that followed you around
Lately nowhere to be found
Don't you know that I'm your place to run

[Brian:]
You been holding on so long
Tryin' to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
And there ain't nothing you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know

[Howie:]
That you can let go

[AJ:]
Sifting through shattered dreams
Livin' in the in between
Baby, babe it's gonna be alright
(You can let go)
When you're lost, let down, disappointed
And jerked around in this cold, cold world
I will always be by your side

[Nick:]
You been holding on so long
Tryin' to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
There ain't nothin' you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know

[Howie:]
That you can let go

[AJ:]
Don't be afraid when you're falling apart
Don't hesitate I'll be right where you are
Open your eyes there's a crack in the dark

[Brian:]
Never let me see you cry
You locked it somewhere deep inside
Baby, baby let me hold you tight

[Howie:]
Make it alright

[All:]
Baby, baby gonna be alright
Cause I'm by your side
When the whole world turns against you (I won't turn against you)
Not letting it show
Baby, babe gonna be alright
Cause I'm by your side
When the whole world turns against you
You can let go

[Nick/All:]
You been holding on so long
Tryin' to make believe that nothing's wrong
Not letting it show
You can let go
There ain't nothing you can do
To make me turn away from you
I need you to know

Labels: backstreet boys, panda

"Next, the fans - if you bought this record then you are truly a fan. We love you so much. Thank you for being a BSB fan. In this time and place for music, it means so much more to be a BSB fan. So screw the rest. You're the best."
YNick


ktbpa.

off to work & fieldwork I go. have a good friday!

Labels: backstreet boys