Another year is overrrr so I've done this survey every year since 2003 (when I had my first blog haha)...this is a product of 3 days of writing on word. My answers are pretty long. Sorry but if you're bored you can either do the survey or read it. My tita's are over at my house right now. It's really cold. Yeaah that's all. Hope everyone's having a fun and SAFE new year's. Yayyy! See you next year :)

Year in review survey for 2006

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
I got my first job (s) so I worked and earned my own money for the first time. And I got my first apartment! Yay!

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Same answer as last year’s: “No. The resolution wears off after a couple of weeks. Maybe Ill make less resolutions and more goals. No procrastination as usual, get healthy, keep up my grades, stay in touch with the people who mean the most to me.”

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I don’t think so.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Rip Tito Nap.

5. What countries did you visit? Zero.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? my license again (I think I wrote this answer for like the 4th year in a row)!!! Ugh…more self-confidence and a clearer idea of what I want to do with my life or at least my time left in college.

7. What date(s) from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
A LOT. February 24, 2006 (birthday), March 18, 2006 (first homeless outreach), april 8, 2006 (my first LOG spirit rally), May 1, 2006 (J5/Common concert), June 4, 2006 (LOG spring banquet and my brother’s h.s. graduation), August 4, 2006 (first day of work at f21), August 26, 2006 (move in to apt), August 28, 2006 (first day of work at UCI), Sept. 8, 2006 (failed my driver’s test and went on summer retreat), November 17, 2006 (2nd benefit concert), December 2, 2006 (Wowowee!), December 19, 2006 (met JC of Nsync!), basically all the days I got to spend with family and friends.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finishing my first year of college, getting my first job, getting my first apartment, getting good grades, growing up

9. What was your biggest failure? Failing my license test

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? More often than I should’ve because I tend to neglect my health sometimes.

11. What was the best thing you bought? An apartment?

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Everyone’s.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I wouldn’t necessarily say depressed but I guess sometimes I was disappointed in some people and sometimes I was disappointed in myself.

14. Where did most of your money go? College expenses, food & clothes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Meeting JC Chasez! Haha, finishing my first year of college, getting good grades?, spring banquet, spirit rally! And benefit concert

16. What songs will always remind you of 2006? “Tell me when to go”, all the norcal hyphy songs… and even though this song was from last year...“(Wait) The Whisper Song” cause our suitemate Janette played it ALL the time… “The message”/ “Twisted”/ “Hold On”…self explanatory hahah…ummm ne-yo’s “so sick” “ridin’ dirty”-chamillionaire and other ones that I can’t think of right now.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Wiser? Definitely

Healthier? Not really

Richer? HAH I guess a little bit because of my job

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spending more time with family

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Worrying, stressing, facebooking & myspacing

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it with my dad’s side on the 23rd, with friends on the 24th, and with my mom’s relatives on the 25th.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006? HA! Unfortunately not.

23. How many one-night stands? Yuck none.

24. What was your favorite TV program? This was the one year where I stopped watching a lot of TV lol… umm I watched Degrassi every now and then I guess but other than that, I haven’t been keeping up with anything… sad right?

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No

26. What was the best book you read? Wow, this is bad. I don’t think I read many books this year that I actually remembered reading because all the reading I did was for school…the last book I read/re-read for fun was “The Little Prince” and that wasn’t even a novel.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Corinne Bailey Rae!!!! That was my best musical discovery this summer haha…Kina Grannis (even though she’s pretty local) because my friend Gina introduced me to her and Danity Kane? They came out this year right? And whatever else other people introduced me to…Hip hop in general because of hip hop cinema lol.

28. What did you want and get? An apartment, a job, and good grades

29. What did you want and not get? For the fourth year in a row, my license. It's my fault I know.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I have lots of favorites. I liked Pursuit of Happyness, Over the Hedge, Monster House (haha I’m such a kid)…SUPERMAN! And I can’t think of the rest right now.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to BJ’s with Bernie, Avi, Bri, Flo, Carol, Sabrina, and Andrew and I had a free pizookie and they gave me a tiara and princess earrings hahah. Then I went back to the dorm and made Kathy walk from M.E. to Mesa cause I thought I was gonna be a loner for my bday. Then around 12, Bernie “took out the trash” and a whole bunch of Liwanag people came to visit me in my dorm room with a cookie monster cupcake cake and Erwin caked me with blue frosting…thennnn I went to souplantation for lunch with Frances, Bmay, Erwin, Bernie, and Lennar. Then I went home with Theresa and I went to the Grove and saw LC from laguna beach and ate dinner at the Cheesecake Factory with my h.s. friends. I turned 19.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Colorful! Layers, uhh Forever 21. hahah.

34. What kept you sane? God, family, friends (UCI, LOG, IH, childhood)

35. Who did you miss?
My childhood friends, my ring sister, high school friends, and log in the summer.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
You alone have the power to change your life through the way you think about things, through the way you choose to feel, through the people you choose to surround yourself with, inevitably it’s your choice. It’s internal. You can steer yourself in any direction and no matter how hesitant you are to take on the many responsibilities and decisions that are on your plate, it’s not up to anyone else…it’s up to you. And although that idea alone is intimidating and daunting, you’re not walking the path by yourself because He’s there to carry you and help you with your crosses. The least you can do is recognize that and trust in Him and approach every day with a smile. Your attitude is more powerful than all the resources at your disposal. It’s all about your perspective. Life is definitely what you make of it so in the midst of all the difficulties, the struggles, and the hardships, try to think positively, be hopeful, and have faith in Him! Don’t limit his ability to give by your capacity to receive. He has definitely got you. That’s what I learned this year hahah but easier said than done right?

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“You know it’s nothing new / bad news never had good timing / but then, the circle of your friends will defend the silver lining / pain throws your heart to the ground / love turns the whole thing around/ no it won’t all go the way it should / but I know the heart of life is good”

“…are you a pauper or a superstar / so you act, so you feel, so you are / it ain’t about the size of your car / it’s about the size of the faith in your heart / There’s hope, it doesn’t cost a thing to smile / you don’t have to pay to laugh / you better thank God for that”

SECOND SURVEY
1) What was your favorite moment of the year? Letting go of my insecurities and allowing myself to be His instrument by singing for Him at benefit concert, MEETING JC hahah.
2) What was your least favorite moment of the year? Failing my driving test.

3) Where were you when 2006 began? At home!

4) Who were you with? My parents and brother.

5) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2006? No

6) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? No I don’t think so.

7) Did you fall in love in 2006? Nah fooo.

8) If yes, do they know? It’s no.

9) You regret anything? No, forget regret or life’s yours to miss.

10) Did you breakup with anyone in 2006? No… my imaginary boyfriend HAHAH.

11) Did you make any new friends in 2006? Yay for new friends!

12) Who are your favorite new friends? Loggers lol.

13) What was your favorite month of 2006? I’d have to say I have no favorite month I liked them all.

14) Did you travel outside of the US in 2006? No.

15) Did you miss anybody in the past year? All the time.

16) What was your favorite movie or show that you saw in 2006? I answered this already!

17) What was your favorite song from 2006? TOO MANY! “Put your records on”- Corinne Bailey Rae, “Sexy Love”-Ne-Yo, “Heaven” and “PDA” – John Legend, “Exceptional”- Jojo, “Show Stoppin’” and “Sleep On it”- Danity Kane (haha), “Before & After”-Corey Williams, “There’s Hope”-India Arie, “Stop this Train”-John Mayer, “Honestly”-Cartel….AND a lot more hahah

18) What was your favorite record from 2006? Corinne Bailey Rae Self titled, John Legend-Once Again, Justin Timberlake- Futuresex/lovesounds, John Mayer-Continuum.

19) How many concerts did you see in 2006? 1

20) Did you have a favorite concert in 2006? The only one I saw haha, J5 and Common… it was COOOL.

21) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2006? No…more like I did none.

22) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? Hahah where do I begin?!

23) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2006? LOL… it turned out bad anyway, I said I was leaving for home but I really wasn’t… I APOLOGIZED TO THE PEOPLE I LIED TO.

24) Did you treat somebody badly in 2006? Probably and I’m sorry.

25) Did somebody treat you badly in 2006? Yeah I guess so…gotta get that dirt off your shoulder haha.

26) How much money did you spend in 2006? Ugh too much…on tuition, rent, and food.

27) What was your proudest moment of 2006? Umm I don't know.

28) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006? “Hiiii I’m Annaaaaa or Annnaaaa Lizaaaa and I’m a first yearrrr and I didn’t even know this class existeddddddd” –Hip Hop Cinema

29) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be? Foom during all my awkward moments hahah.

30) What are your plans for 2007? Decide on my major, get my license (first thing on my list I PROMISE), maybe get another job, grow in faith, improve my relationships with my loved ones, spend less time worrying and more time living and enjoying life, eat healthier, andddd have fun and be happy.

Twothousandsix, you’ve been quite the bittersweet year for me. I learned a lot this year. I cried one too many times, laughed enough to overpower the amount of times I cried, and spent every moment (both the good and the bad) in the company of people I love. Despite all the changes and all the struggles, I would not change a single day of my life that I lived this past year because each day was a new experience. Although I can’t say that I spent every day smiling, I can honestly say that I spent every day loving…loving friends, family, strangers, life, You, and even myself (when I wasn’t too stubborn to do so)…and that’s what’s most important. Thank You for 2006 and for all the memories and lessons that accompanied it. I thank You for blessing me with so many people who love me and care for me this year and every year and I especially thank You for keeping me strong enough and healthy enough to love and care for them. Thank You for giving my family and friends another year to breathe, to laugh, to cry, to smile, to cherish, to learn, to teach, to experience, to remember, to love, to serve and to live for You. So here’s to another year…another year filled with new opportunities to better ourselves, new opportunities to grow and to improve and strengthen our current relationships and friendships and to establish new ones, and new opportunities to get closer to You. Hey it’s my 20th year of life. I hope it’s a good one haha OKAY I know it will be because You’re in my life. Happy New Year’s! I LOVE YOU! Thanks fools. See you in 2007. Odd numbered yearrrr.

this kills me.
i look gross hahah.

Well open up your mind and see like me / Open up your plans and damn you're free / Look into your heart and you'll find love love l o v e / Listen to the m u s i c of the m o m e n t, maybe sing with me / Ah la peaceful melody / It's your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love loved/ So i won't hesitate no more / No more it cannot wait i'm sure / There's no need to complicate / Our time is short / This is our fate, I'm yours

Living in the present moment is hard, especially when there are so many memories that pull you back to the past and goals or plans that push you forward. This Christmas break's been one learning experience altogether. Lately there have been days when I've wished to return to how things once were and how things used to be but my heart could never dwell on that for long because the next minute I'd find myself thinking ahead to what needs to be done and to events that are quickly approaching. These past couple of days, however, have served as my own personal reminders to just be... to just enjoy and embrace how things are now. Yesterday's are sometimes painful and heartbreaking, even the yesterday's that we hold closest to our hearts and that bring us the most joy also have the ability to bring us the most sadness. Tomorrow's are unfamiliar and scary, not to mention intimidating...so why cling to either? What's more beautiful than t o d a y? Friends change, people change, places change... life's all about change so we should celebrate "now" because tomorrow will definitely be different from today just as next year will be different from this one and etc. Nothing's ever promised tomorrow today. Submit yourself to today or more importantly, His plans for you today. While everything around you is changing, He's constant. Trust.

In the last few days I've gotten the opportunity to catch up with so many people, family, friends (old and new) and I can't help but feel blessed. On the 23rd, I got to see my cousins and aunts and uncles and my Uncle Dick, even though I only got to see him for an hour...I'm grateful. On the 24th, we had our traditional Christmas Eve, and despite a couple of missing faces, we made the most of it (cranium, "It has a brain on the box, no wonder it's hard" / titanic / heimlich maneuver, "my love", leggings vs. pin stripes, lumpia, let's open gifts!, embarrassinggg, "and everything's okay, merry Christmas, happy holidays"), Christmas Day I was able to visit my mom's relatives, whom we haven't visited in a while, including my cousin Mark, my Tito Elmar, and my Tita Emily, on the 26th GP picked me and Meechy up and we ate at Thai BBQ (s1!) and Pinkberry, visited Trillionaire Drive, went to the Beverly Center (in hopes of meeting a celebrity and finding a trendy shirt but failed) and met up with Adrian, starbucks, pretzel's, met up with Derrick, Kirs (CGITEG), and Dav and dropped meechy off, santa monica, hooter's, pier, homeee, 27th, went to the chiropractor and doctors (i have to get 3 more shots ugh), deliberated for like 3 hours, decided to go back to irvine with gp (listened to my awesome CD for penney, off the wall, ugly glasses, grandma hat), sd with old school and current loggers, i was the youngest haha, super sergio's and starbucks, slept over at pb (thanks for the hospitality :]), 28th woke up and watched wowowee and went to lunch, dropped by thertine bernannas, opened the blinds and changed the bamboo plant's water for bernie, headed over to visit penney 1-cent (THE STRONGEST AND MOST OPTIMISTIC PERSON I KNOW!) in downey, hung out and met up with lots of cool loggers, went home (thanks for all the rides gp / adrian /cristina / joe / brenton!!!! i owe you guys), today hung out with gen and rachelle and dropped gifts off, burbank, awkwarddddddd!!!, hawaiian bbq, starbucks, urban, glendale galleria (BOUGHT COOL NEW RAINBOOTS AT FORLOVE!), gen's house, "oh well, that's it", watched gen's debut (ugh dude i'm so awkward), lots of laughs, gen and i went to california roll, then she dropped me off and i've been home ever since. what a week. TGIF. salamat sa lahat nang kaibigan ko! HAHAHA i hope that made sense. i'm so not looking forward to starting school again. i still have places to go, things to do, people to see, licenses to get! but i am praying for you all. hope you're having a wonderful Christmas break. enjoy what's left of it. live in the present moment!!! i miss you! :)

p.s. i kind of want it to rain because i want to use my new polkadotted rainboots haha.

p.p.s. no one blogs anymore :(

I offer today (and every day) to You <3

We've been waiting all year for this night
And the snow is glistening on the trees outside
And all the stockings are hung by the fire side
Waitng for Santa to arrive
And all the love will show
'Cause everybody knows
It's Christmas time and
All the kids will see
The gifts under the tree

It's the best time of the year for the family
It's a wonderful feeling
Feel the l o v e in the room
From the floor to the ceiling
It's that time of year
Christmastime is here
And with the b l e s s i n g s from above
God sends you his love
And everything's okay
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!

I've been M.I.A. from the blogging world for a while, with good reasons...my internet sucks and it's Christmas! (Not to mention it's been my longest and most grown-up Christmas yet). My days have been filled with the busyness that accompanies this season and I'm so tired right now but I feel so blessed. Many things learned, lots to tell, an abundance of blessings to be grateful for... the most important thing is that He's here and His presence mends all broken hearts, fills us with love, and brings us true JOY. He's the missing piece that we've all found during this advent season. I hope that you are having a wonderful and joyful CHRISTmas spent with your loved ones. Longer blog later I guess. Praying for you and your loved ones...hoping that you can pray for me and my loved ones as well. Thank You. Love you.

Olivares family Christmas (Dec. 23, 06)

Traditional Christmas Eve party (Dec. 24, 06)

was different.


to be continued.

listen as your day unfolds, challenge what the future holds / try and keep your head up to the sky / lovers they may cause you tears, go ahead release your fears / stand up and be counted, don't be ashamed to cry / You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser, / you gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger / you gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together / all i know all i know l o v e will save the day

This 9 day novena has proven more difficult than I had thought but it's always worth it. I've been praying for your intentions & mine and I truly believe He's been answering them.

Today the priest asked us who initiates the dialogue of prayer...you or God? So many people raised their hands and said that WE were responsible for initiating the conversations we have with Him but the priest corrected us by saying that He was the initiator...we pray in response to the graces/blessings/hardships he's given us. He speaks to us every moment of our lives, whether we know it or not and it's up to us to listen and respond. Today was one of those days where He was really insistent upon us listening to Him. We got into a minor car accident. It wasn't my mom's fault. She stopped at the intersection because the light turned yellow and the guy behind us was driving really fast because he was in a hurry and trying to cut off someone else by switching lanes. Next thing you know, you hear the screeching of his breaks and he hits us. It was a big jolt and the impact was kinda severe considering the left tail light of our car was caved in/ smashed. My mom had to use hand signals to signal her left turns after that. Luckily, no one was hurt, just a little shaken up. The other driver was really apologetic and sorry for what he did. "Funshine bear always looks on the bright side"

note to yourself:
-wag magmamadali
-isipin mo muna bago gawin
I hope i got that right.

More food for thought...the priest also stressed the importance of faith in our lives. We see the burgeoning seeds of faith in our youth...and he said he hoped that we, as adults, would have a more mature sense of faith. A mature sense of faith, he said, is characterized by faith being 1. personal, 2. reasonable, 3. committed, 4. living (in dynamic), and sharing.

It's beautiful when one's words can inspire you.
It's humbling when one's life can.

"Don't worry, this is nothing."- Penney Libao

Today the priest contemplated on something that we all probably think about... why does He call us to be who we are, to experience the trials we experience, to do His will, to serve Him and others the way that we do, as unworthy as we are? He talked about how God has the ability to raise us up to be something more than the nothingness that we are. Mary said yes to being His "slavegirl" (in the priest's words)...out of nothing, she became something, she became the mother of our Lord. So why does He call us? Because he loves us. It's as simple as that and by saying "yes" to carrying His struggles, we are saying "yes" to His love. Someone who sees his/her crosses as gifts from Him and someone who can see Him in the hard times is someone who has truly accepted His love. By immersing yourself in that love, you can only see the good and the positive in everyone, in yourself, and in life... and that's something that I know I have to work on and it's something that we should all strive for...Mama Mary embodies that sense of trust and faith in Him. As hard as it is for me to see you suffer and struggle, seeing how strong you are strengthens me and inspires me to be just as strong...for you.

This entry consists of like everything that's happened in the past 3 days so I'm sorry if it's confusing... I say "today" like so many times throughout this blog but the "today" I'm referring to can either be the 19th, the 20th, the 21st, or the 22nd. HAHAHA. Oops. Here's a light hearted anecdote from Tuesday to end this loooong blog.

One of my childhood dreams came true in the span of the past 2 days. You've probably already heard since I think I practically told the entire world.

That's right, I met JC Chasez, a member of NSync.

I love my ring sister. She basically made it happen. If she didn't tap him on the shoulder, I'd probably be frozen in place, with my eyes fixed at his back and with my mouth open in awe and shock. I was so excited. I felt like a 13 year old again and my heart was beating really fast and my hands were shaking and I couldn't breathe. If you were one of the few lucky enough to talk on the phone with me before or after that whole ordeal, you'd know. I lost all composure. The only words that slipped out of my mouth were "thanks" and "sorry" hahah. But he shook my hand and took a picture with me and I've been smiling since, sort of. We also saw that guy from 7th Heaven, Lucy's husband Kevin eating at PF Chang's. He's pretty cute but he has a beard.

I'm incredibly glad I got to see you! :) My break's now a million times better cause I got to see the coolest people in the world, LOG. Yayyyy! Good job Kirs & Angieee!! yay superstars!

I love you!

Trina & I went to the very last art class at the library today. The class consisted of 5 students...including me and trina. The other three were siblings who came with their mom. It was pretty sad but I got a cute panda sculpture out of clay. Do you see the heart on its stomach? Awesome huh?

The teacher Shannon makes me feel awkward sometimes. Here are some awkward conversations we had with him:

After seeing my initial sketch of my sculpture:
Shannon: Have you ever taken art classes before?
Me: No
Shannon: Because that's quite a drawing you've got there. You should look into it.
Trina looks over at my drawing
Shannon (to Trina): Hey no cheating! Don't look at her paper... just kidding.

Shannon: So how many years of school do you guys have left?
Me: umm like 2-3 I guess
Shannon: Cool, it took me a while to finish with school myself
Trina: Where did you go?
Shannon: the art and design institute in east carolina

Shannon (referring to Trina's tattoo): So what's that ink on your wrist all about?
Trina: It's my mom and dad's name in tagalog
Shannon: Awesome, do you speak tagalog fluently?
Trina: Not really, just the bad words
Shannon: That's more than I know... Back home, I had a lot of filipino neighbors.
Me: In the east?
Shannon: No, I was originally from Florida. I had this one neighbor whose house I'd go over to a lot and I'd play piano there. Her name was Melanie and her dad was from the Filipina! (I think he meant to say the Philippines) and he had the thickest accent... (he then proceeded to say Melanie in his best interpretation of a fobbish Filipino accent)

Awkward. After class we walked to Union Discount again. Bad move. We were carrying our sculptures on pieces of cardboard, which drew more attention to our already awkward selves and also attracted unnecessary comments. Two naive teenage boys called my panda and trina's turtle "pokemon." More awkward conversations:

Librarian: I thought that was a cookie from afar.

Asian store owner: Es un tortuga? turtle?
Trina: Yeah
Asian store owner: Es un oso?
Me (thinking he asked if it's an turtle ALSO not OSO): No, it's a panda
Asian store owner: Si, un oso?
Me: OH YEAAAHH, it's a bear, a panda bear
Asian store owner: looks like Winnie the pooh

My mom: Is that chocolate? It looks like you can eat it.

My mom picked us up from Union Discount because it was cold. I decided not to be stubborn, even though it was only like a block or two away from my house. The creeps come out at night. We went to Pat n' Oscar's afterwards. Then we got back to my house and watched TV, mostly the food network till like 9:30. Little People, Big World = good show. I have rediscovered the intensity of Degrassi. Too bad we don't have it in Irvine. I'll have to enjoy it while I can.

Simbang Gabi in a few hours and then I get to hang out with my ring sister all day today! I'm excited man. $_____ dollars a day with Anna & Kristina! HA! Actually not really... breakfast, (window) shopping at Beverly Center?, pictures, roaming around the streets of LA, pink berry?, lunch/dinner?, hot cocoa, good talks!, lots of laughs, all of the above?, who knows?! It'll be fun fo'sho. I love her! This is the first time we're gonna hang out...since like summer! Amazing. She keeps me sane...as do a lot of my "panda bearly" friends (in gia's words).

I never knew how dangerous LA was until now...actually I did but I was in denial. Trina told me that her sister saw people drug dealing in front of my old elementary school/ my current parish, IHM! Wow. That's like that one time in high school when we were driving through McDonald's (down the street from my house) and I saw teenagers sticking needles up their arms behind the dumpster. O M G. Today when my mom pulled into the driveway, we saw a firetruck and some ambulances a few houses down. I don't know why. Trina said her neighbor's a drunkard. Oh what fun. To live and die in LA, it's the place to be lol.

I hope everyone else is having a good Christmas break. It's only been like what? a week or two and I miss your faces! No joke.

The Pursuit of H a p p y n e s s. I’ve learned a lot in just the past two days of attending Simbang Gabi. Granted, the 4:30am wake up call (after getting to bed at like 2am) is not fun but listening to the priest’s homilies make the entire sacrifice worth it. He teaches me & enlightens me. I can truly feel Him working through this priest. I’m amazed I even understand what he says, considering he speaks in Tagalog for the majority of the mass. At first, I did it to please my dad because I know that it means a lot to him. But now I’m starting to realize that this 9 day series of masses is more than just church, it’s a rewarding sacrifice and a tradition that I can’t imagine missing out on…it’s something that I want to do, not only for my dad and not only for myself, but more importantly for Him. It’s the one thing that I believe is genuinely sustaining me this Christmas season.

Yesterday I watched The Pursuit of Happyness with my family. I don’t know if it was supposed to make me cry but it did because I could relate to it in a lot of ways…not in the literal sense like seeking refuge in the subway bathroom or living out of a suitcase but in the figurative sense, the struggle of journeying through a dark tunnel in order to see the light at the end of it. My mom even cried, which is rare…I guess because she could she herself in Chris Gardner’s position and I could see her in him also. I think it’s a movie I needed to see, especially because of where I am right now and where we’ve been before. I don’t know if I’m even making sense to you. I’m sorry if it doesn’t.

Today at mass, the priest mentioned that there’s a difference between j o y and h a p p i n e s s. We’re always seeking to be happy when in reality we should seek to be joyful. He explained that happiness, broken down, consists of the root word “hap” which means “chance.” I had never thought of it that way before. In the Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner mentioned that Thomas Jefferson must’ve been quite an intelligent man to add “pursuit of” before the word “happiness” in the declaration of independence because he recognized that happiness is not something that can easily be achieved. The idea of happiness coinciding with chance proves the necessity of the word “pursuit.” Happiness seems to be dependent upon the external occurrences in our lives and on the circumstances that our environment presents us with. Our happiness relies on things that we cannot always control. In the movie, Chris associates happiness with a job to support his family, which seems reasonable enough, disregarding his obstacles to reaching his definition of happiness (such as his debts, which he can’t just make disappear). Our happiness can stem from a variety of things…whether it be good grades, better-paying jobs, new & refreshing relationships, a larger house, an expensive car... the range of things that can make us “happy” is incredible yet it still fails to satisfy us and to satisfy our hunger because we’re left always wanting more. Once we find that one thing that we believe will make us happy, that initial feeling of satisfaction disappears because we convince ourselves that something else has the ability to make us happier. In turn, we spend our lives continuously attaining and then letting go of things in our search for happiness, in our pursuit of happiness. Happiness seems fleeting and momentary because once we feel that we can finally grasp the thing that fulfills our emptiness, it slips out of our hands. If happiness is based on chance, then it’s something we can pursue… but is it something that we can necessarily possess? I don’t know. The priest describes joy as an acronym for Jesus, Others, and You/yourself. He said that as long as you put Jesus first, and then put others before yourself, you’ll find joy. Joy, unlike happiness is internal. Have I been putting Him first? Have I been putting others before myself? I think this past month, I’ve been putting myself first…buying things for myself, doing things that will benefit me. It’s funny how the day that finally decide to do what my dad wants me to do by attending Simbang Gabi, is the day that I can actually say that I’m more than okay & feeling better than good. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s more feasible for me to seek to be joyful rather than happy right now. Rejoice in Him and in His blessings and in the l o v e He has given me this past year. He lives in me and in my family and in my friends and even in strangers.

On the first day of Simbang Gabi, the priest said that when you share your gifts, you feed 3 people: yourself, your hungry neighbor, and Him. I get more joy out of loving you and loving others is one of the best ways to celebrate this season. This is what I’ve been doing wrong this advent, I’ve been waiting for things to make me “happy” and by doing so I’ve been losing sight of the “joy” that exists in my life because of His coming…I have been far from vigilant lately. When I saw the priest wear pink today I couldn’t believe how I could have possibly forgotten how close we were to Christmas. I guess that’s what happens when you lose yourself in the hustle and bustle of things. So yes, as we approach Christmas, I’m praying that you too receive this overwhelming sense of love and joy in your hearts.

I guess this is just the way I’ve been feeling lately…in a nutshell but not in a peanut shell… HA HA HA HA HA HA. Okay that’s all.

dude why am i online still?

edit @ 11:14pm

I went Christmas shopping today...it was successful! I actually bought gifts for most everyone on my list except for myself. Hooray! So plans fell through and I went to Burbank mall with my mom and my brother who is now home. I'm no longer an only child.

Today was a g double o d good day and I have You to thank for it.

I promised my dad I'd go to Simbang Gabi... tomorrow at 5 am which is why I have to sleep by 12. Wish me luuuuck.

I bought Mrs. Field's cookies today! The worker was probably one of Santa's elves in disguise hahah. She was nice and must've been bored. I asked her about the cookie nibblers or whatever cause I kinda didn't want a whole cookie but after she told me it was 5 for like 2 something I was like never mind and bought a whole cookie cause it was cheaper. Next thing I know I look in my bag and she added 5 nibblers PLUS the cookie I bought...all that for a dollar and sixty five cents and I asked her if it was a mistake and she shrugged, smiled & said, don't worry about it. OMG. I was the happiest girl ever for that moment. That's all.

Pay it forward friends.

I'm really confident in my ability to drive right now. I need to take that test soon before I lose it.

Praying for you all. Have a good day! :)

i need to grow up sometimes...


and i actually think i am.

Labels: growing up

after my heart was broken, [boy] it reopened for me and you / now i believe in love / after my heart was broken, [boy] it reopened for me and you

props to andrew for introducing corey williams to me hahah. "before & after" is a good song. i like catchy songs, some of them.

10 hours
of sleep, that is.

yes, you ARE doing too much. that song kinda annoys me. too bad it was the last song i heard on the radio.

i'm trying to avoid aim for the morning because i think it sucks up my time & my day. yes. we'll see how long i'll last. not long probably.

i feel like i've been the only child for the past week, probably because it's true.

i'm really regretting not working this week. i could use the money. why do i suck at making decisions?!

but then again if i worked, i wouldn't have been able to spend time with the people i spent time with this week right? nor would i have able able to sleep for 10 hours.

because i am currently a robot, nothing is bothering me right now. denial is a great way to avoid confrontation.

i'm going to do nothing today until tonight when I get to hang out with trina, gia, & kim. we're gonna "shop" at old town pasedena, eat dinner, & maybe see a movie. we shall see. kim's leaving for the philippines tomorrow. que lastima. hopefully i'll do some Christmas shopping today, not for myself.

what's wrong with me this year? usually i'm so excited about getting everything done & finishing my shopping so i can wrap presents cause i love wrapping presents! i'm pretty sure i'm not feeling scrooge-like. wow. i'm realizing that this behavior has hints of meaning in it. could this be MY way of dealing with all the changes in my life during this Christmas season? quite possibly. i have no other way of dealing with the change. because of the change, i've decided to stall my usual Christmas routine. weirrrrrrrd. i have to stop it soon though cause Christmas is fast approaching. i'm NOT doing too much, I'm not doing anything at all actually... how sad.

I'm asking You to please remind me of what this is all about because I'm quickly losing sight of it and it isn't good.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Praying for you all. Hope your break's treating you well.

1. Does anyone know your password to your myspace?
no

2. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonalds?
i don't even remember the last time i ate there... i'm guessing it was probably chicken nuggets.

3. Are you an emotional person?
i have my days

4. Do you like your name?
i loooove it.

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?
no, time & knowledge

6. Ever felt jealous of a friend?
unfortunately

7. What was the last thing you did?
hung out with ate & prunes at burbank & glendale.

8. Who is right next to you?
nobody...nobody babyyyy? the song? yeah no.

9. Who was the last person you ate with?
ate & andrew

10. What are you listening to right now?
"only you" -112, Biggie & Mase on iTunes

11. How's the weather right now?
cold

12. Last person who called you today?
kimberly mendoza

13. Last lie you told?
i don't remember, it's been so long ago lol.

14. Last song you sang
*nsync's "the only gift" hahaha, i was listening to that cd.

15. Do you like anyone?
i like everyone.

16. Lost a friendship over something stupid?
yeah it was dumb. i regret it.

where's 17?

18. Last thing you ate?
teriyaki chicken

19. What did you do last night?
went online & slept

20. Faked being sick to miss school?
yeaaah hahah.

21?

22. Last person you texted?
andrew

24. What are you wearing right now?
pajamas & immac 10k walk sweatshirt.

25. Are you too quiet to ask anyone out?
yeah i bet i am.

26. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
their face?

27. Where are you right now?
my room

28. What date and day is it?
wednesday, dec. 13th, 15 min away from being thursday, dec. 14th

29. Did you go anywhere today?
yes

30. What did you do there?
ate, shopped, talked

31. How old are you?
nineteen

32. Are you watching TV?
no

33. Are you mature or immature?
i'm very mature for my age... jk i CAN be mature but i have many immature moments! how old am i again?!

34. Are you closer to your mom or dad?
mom

35. Are you an only child?
no

36. What's the most annoying thing people ask you?
when are you gonna get your license? =P

37. Do you like where you were?
huh?

38. Do you like music?
YES I LOVE IT.

39. Do you want to get married?
yes sometime in the future

40. To whom?
i don't know yet

41. Would you tell the person you had in mind that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them or had at least thought about it?
if i knew who that person was, i would.

42. how many children?
two

43. what are you willing to do for TRUE love?
wait for it.

44. when was the last time u cried?
a few weeks ago.

45. why? in response to question 44
life & my insecurities

46. list 5 wishes:
material??
1. license
2. sidekick
3. clothes & accessories from urban, forever21 or charlotte russe
4. cd's
5. a new pair of chucks, these turquoise/blue ones that they don't have in my size at urban.

non-material
1. love
2. self-confidence
3. happiness
4. contentment
5. peace

47. finish the sentence, if i had powers...
i'd be awkward & i'd feel secluded cause i wouldn't be able to tell anyone.

48. what's the biggest secret you ever told someone?
that's the whole point of a secret.

49. what is something you told someone that took a lot of courage to say?
"i'm sorry"

50. what's the most off-the-wall thing you have ever done?
haven't done it yet but when i do, i'll get back to you.


i can't thank Him enough. i have some AMAZING people in my life.

hung out with ate pryncess & prunes aka palor aka andrew today. dude we haven't hung out like that since i was 10, and he was 11, and she was like 14. she used to babysit us (including my brother and kevin) & feed us tapa & tacos and we'd watch soap operas like days and passions and play n64 videogames all day. today prunes picked me up and we ate at fuji in burbank, walked around the mall aimlessly, went to target where andrew bought cds and he ran over a curb!!!!! omg. i was saying whoa the entire time, a girl checked him out, awesome music, dropped kevin off, headed to glendale, had coldstone & starbucks & caught up. now i'm home and i'm soo sleepy. i'm dozing off to sleep soon.

caitlin & kayla & ring sister, finish your finals & come home alreadyyyyyyyy PLEASE. we're bored, i'm bored. i'm kinda excited for the rest of this week cause gia, trina & i get to see kim before she leaves for the philippines. yaaay.

i have a new motivation to get my license. let's goooooooooo!!!! if you can do it, i can do it. i think?

la vida loca... HAHAHA.

tomorrow, who knows?

the story of my quarter...and quite possibly my life...what I'm striving for... that's more like it.

oh teenagers!

wait... i am one (for the next 2 months at least)

i'm not too excited.

i've only been home for a couple of days and my room's already untidy...it's the laziness.

i don't know who you are anymore. seriously.

change, change, change.

my life is an organized mess.

what is right with me?

i need fixing.

REUNION today. i'm excited.

updaaaate later. peace fools. it's wednesday!

i need to start Christmas shopping. it's december 13! OMG MAN.

can we talk for a minute, girl i want to know your name, can we talk for a minute, girl i want to know your name

that's my ring tone. so catchy. i'm on my computer at home listening to my brother's organized iTunes playlists. currently i am listening to tevin campbell "can we talk" from the playlist "Root & Beer" which probably refers to R&B...this is weird. the other playlists are entitled "90s KIIS", "before part B", "chillaxitive", "croonin'", "in da club", "old school", and "the neptunes." these are very unnecessary titles because i seriously don't know how he separates the songs. anywayyyy...

the only reason i have two posts in a day is because that's how messed up my sleeping pattern is right now. my last post was supposed to be for monday night but ended up being for tuesday morning.

i know for a fact the reasons i stay awake so late...
#1: (like meechy says) everyone's only online at night and since i'm not in irvine and prefer aim over the phone a lot of the time, i stay online.
#2: i like talking to multiple people and i can only do that online.
#3: my parents sleep like at 10! it's unheard of! and i need people to talk to.
#4: since my brother's not home yet, i don't have to share the internet.
#5: i'm stubborn...i don't like it when people tell me i have to go to sleep (because then i feel like a baby HAHAHA so dumb right?) even though i know it's better for me if i do.

another thing that sucks about my sleeping patterns is that since i woke up at 12:30 i didn't know whether to eat a donut for breakfast or the pasta for lunch... i was torn so i pretended that it was still morning and ate the donut first and then waited awhile and ate the pasta. hahahah gross.

i'm gonna watch my mk&a mystery adventures on vhs. kathy got me in the mood for them. i was so hardcore! my cousin & i would borrow those videos from blockbuster AND buy their books. oh man. we're super duper snoopers, first class private eyes... soo good!

so here am i, online once again on my day of nothingness. it's quite fun. actually i enjoy being alone sometimes...i can do dumb stuff like listen to bsb or nsync really loud or sleep as long as i want to and stay in bed for as long as i want to, eat when i want to, etc. i'm enjoying this. i can just sit & be. HAHA.

because nothing is going on with me right now, i feel like my life is at a standstill. nothing. no emotions...well i know they're there but i feel like a robot. nothing is really triggering any strong emotion in me whatsoever so i feel the closest to content than i've felt in a while... but an indifferent sort of content not a happy one. i'm resolved to my current situation. i've let it be and it's not perfect but it's not hurting me so i'm guessing that's a good thing. things are different. for the first time, EVERYTHING around me has changed, at the same exact time. it would be easier if one thing stayed the same amidst all the changes but that's not the case. Christmas this year as well as Christmas Eve will be different and I'm sad but there's nothing i can do. it's life... more things i have to live with and embrace.

It's someone else's turn to step it up.
Thank you for making time & for not passing me by.
I'm at a loss for words.
Miss independent.
Know your worth.
It doesn't cost a thing to smile.

Make it a great Tuesday! Is it me or are the days going by slower than usual?

edit:
annanymouslizard: im boredddddddd
alex is whoaohh: lol
alex is whoaohh: learn a dance

or not. omg.

can i just say that i hate my computer at home? and i hate dial up and aol.
bah hum bug.

i'm so sleepy. but i feel bad cause i signed off abruptly awhile ago. i'm sorry.

i probably will go on aim for a few minutes.

let's hope the minutes don't turn into hours.

fun adventures in the ghetto with trina...blockbuster (winter passing (yay) & look both ways (ugh)) coldstone & a random convo with the worker about allergies, taking the metro and awkward standing, carne asada tacos, lunch, winter passing, 3:48pm, start walking to art class at 4, scary toothless witch lady who cackles, guys pushing their broke down cars in the street, lost in the library, weird celebrity library endorsers, multi-purpose room with a handful of 7-10 yr olds and their parents, shannon the teacher, trina & i, the only 2 "teens", mass produced objects, prisma, watercolors, free museum passes for 18 yr olds, see through facade, weird creepy guys who hit on girls, "damn girl", swap meet, good deals, darkness, winter passing, some of look both ways, malcolm in the middle, google videos, the end. yaay us. more adventures to come.

praying for you. you got this.

i'm gonna do nothing today. hopefully drive. i wish i could drive so that i i could leave when i didn't want to be here. that is all.

alexander _________ _____________ come home dude. hahaha the end.

nm i'm not. tfc subscribers, it's not on today. BOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

i'm really tired.

kathy, i can't believe you.

i want to start christmas shopping already.

i should do more productive things with my day.

FREE art class with trina! HAHAHA.

praying for everyone.

that's all.

No, my Christmas break does not suck. It's just that I feel kind of unproductive slash bored at this moment and I think I might actually miss being in Irvine. Home's not always home. My dad's been cooped up in the room watching the lakers and my mom's in the living room watching tfc and I'm bundled up with my vista hoodie and warm pajamas and my cool new hat (another lauryn hill type one but this one's really light blue/green and it's woolen) and I am sipping on hot apple cider (thanks to my mom). The slowness of the computer is once again growing on me. It's something I have to get used to every time I'm home. It's cold outside. It feels very winter-ish. I'm currently contemplating on what to do. I should make Christmas cards but the internet's always calling to me (another reason why a sidekick would be useful hahah). Anyway today I went to mass at 11 cause I overslept. I went to IHM. Melissa and I were talking about how the gospel today made us want to sing "The Voice of One Calling" hahah. While I was reading along, I seriously was singing the song in my head. Then at the end of mass the IHM youth group went up wearing their "Strong in Faith" tshirts and sang this song with actions in it! I immediately thought of LOG, except they're younger. I feel so old going back there, knowing that the kindergarteners that were there when I was an 8th grader are no longer kindergarteners. It weirds me out when they ask me if I remember them cause I think that they look so much older than I did when I was in elementary. After that my mom and I ate at the parish fiesta for the Virgin of Guadalupe. Then we dropped something off at my brother's dorm and went to the burbank mall & urban where I bought my hat :) Now that I have nothing to do, I actually want something to do. Anddddd yeah, that's all. Time to do something.

p.s. my parents are asleep. dude it's times like these that i really need people to talk to. ugh. i am bored but too lazy to go on aim!

p.p.s. i bet i'm gonna go on aim later.

p.p.p.s. that's all.

christmas survey
this or that:
1. mistletoe or snow?
snow please.

2. santa or rudolph?
I would say santa but I’ll say Rudolph because all of the other reindeer laugh at him & call him names… and that’s not nice at all...they’re probably on the naughty list.

3. stocking or presents?
a huge stocking that’s beautifully decorated and filled with cute presents.

4. egg nog or hot cider?
hot caramel apple cider.

5. angel or star?
angels & stars.

6. decorating the tree, or putting lights on the outside?
decorating the tree! But this year I got home and the tree was already decorated!

7. warm cozy fires or sleigh rides?
warm cozy fires cause I’ve never been on a sleigh ride.

8. family time or friend time?
both!

9. expensive presents or presents that come from the heart?
presents that come from the heart…thoughtful presents!

10. snow ball fight or snowman?
I’d rather make a snowman than be hit by a snowball but I really don’t care.

11. coal or presents?
coal. HA jk. Presents.

12. open presents quick or slow?
i usually open my presents quickly hahah. I’m impatient.

13. diamonds or rubies?
I’m not too huge on the jewelry…both of them are equally pretty to me : )

14. caroling or christmas stories?
lots of caroling (insert some *nsync Christmas songs)!!!! And a Christmas story or two.

15. snow days, or ice days?
snow days!

16. red or green?
can’t have one without the other.

QUESTIONS:
1. Best christmas present?
being with people I love.

2. Whats the number one thing you want for christmas from your parents?
um…they’ve given me more than enough BUT if I had a choice, I would like a t-mobile sidekick. It flips!!!!!

3. If you are going out with someone, what would you want them to get you?
HA! cookies! But then again I’d want that from anyone.

4. Have you ever been kissed under mistle toe?
I don’t think so

5. Have you ever been kissed in the snow?
no

6. Do you make snow angels?
when I was a kid and when I was somewhere where there was snow.

Christmas time is here. I like watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas” during Christmas…even though it’s sort of depressing, I like the music.

Linus: Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.

Think happy, be happy. I don’t want to be a Charlie Brown this year. I fell asleep on the car ride home…that means I was really tired. What a week. I came home and the house was full of green & red. My mom went decoration crazy. It’s nice though. Three’s a lonely number. My brother’s not gonna be home until next week. What am I gonna do with my time? Oh yeah…nothing. Today consisted of hanging out with Trina at my house. That’s So Raven, Tommy’s chili cheese fries, orange soda, Trina’s hyphy juice, Beauty and the Beast (on VHS! Cause most of my dvd’s are at the apt), coloring & crayons, bone thugs n’ harmony, jay-z, extrapolating vs. expectorating, the usual. I’m glad that she lives so close by. Otherwise I think I’d be extremely bored at home especially since I’m still license-less. Ugh. Anyway, enough of the complaints. It was a very relaxed day 4 of Christmas break. It rained tonight. I’m glad I’m indoors. It’s only 12:24am and my parents have been asleep since 10. It’s sad that I said “it’s only”… I need to sleep earlier. 8 am mass tomorrow? Boo. Life. I want to go Christmas shopping but I don’t know if I have the money to spend. Maybe I should’ve stayed in Irvine a week longer to work…or maybe not. It’s Christmas…a time to rest. Word. I can work in the beginning of January. You know what I really want for Christmas? My license. That can be done? I’m really just rambling. It’s the season for cookies! Yum. Tomorrow…mass, Christmas card making, shopping? I can only hope. Monday, Trina’s house? Metro adventure? And free art class at the library? AND everyday = driving. I’m determined. UGH.

I’m gonna sleep now. At 12:41…the earliest I’ve slept in a while. Good night. Have fun and be merry. I miss the apt already.

If you're home, call me so that we can hang out yes? YAY. I ain't too proud to beg.

it actually felt like an apt. today. it was poppin' foo. thanks for visiting me & bernie. much love for the oldies & freshies & the in-betweenies LIKE ME.

in terms of life, i found the perfect analogy.

so here it goes. two rooms, one corridor. i'm in the corridor/hallway. where do i belong? in the room watching the little mermaid & nsync or in the room with people talking & looking up gross stuff on urban dictionary? i went back and forth between the two. that is where i am. the middle. i used to think it sucked but now i find it more and more rewarding...the best of both worlds... or at least a taste of it.

the twenty-ten'ers are fun & funny & i like them a lot. they bring out the kid in me...i'd like to think that i'm still a kid but you know... that big 2-0 is quickly approaching...okay maybe it's not so big but to me it is. how old am i again? nineTEEN.

i'm only gonna be in LA but i'm gonna miss seeing your faces every week. it's been a tough but nonetheless good quarter. thank you again for everything. my growth has been nurtured by His love and yours.

i love bsb & nsync. that love will last forever, way past my 20th, 30th, 40th and 50th birthdays. that's the truth.

home today... and it's 4:01am and I am not sleepy. My sleeping habits suck. UGH. Oh well. The break has begun. Let the good times roll... hey and be my friend please :)

Have a wonderful vacation. Peace out.

sunny days keepin' the clouds away, on my way to where the air is clean, won't you tell me how to get how to get to Sesame Street.

please.

i'm so tired. if i look sad, most likely it's because i'm tired not sad, for the most part. i don't know.

everything is fine.

sometimes it feels like i've placed all this weight on some dangerously thin ice and at any moment, the ice can shatter and break apart and everything that's on it will fall in.

yaddamean?

it's Christmas break!
but now what?


smile friends. everything will be okay.

praying for you always.

home tomorrow. we'll see how that goes.

now I'm gone so see ya ... it's time for play, so name the place I'll meet ya

done with finals! hooray! thanks for the prayers. they worked. this was my first low-stress finals week ever. think positively. it does wonders, my friends.

for the first time ever in the history of my time at UCI, i tricked you. yeah you don't need to admit it because it's true. you know who you are. i'm getting better. HA. first this and then it's the big time :) ...but i'm genuinely sorry, from the bottom of my heart.

bernie & i are weird. she's mean sometimes... she calls jay-z's song, "anything", "anna-thing" just to spite me... a few seconds ago she sang it to me and said "you know you know you know you hot." and that's not all, earlier today she was talking to her bed...

bernie: bed, i love you.
bernie: do you love me?
bernie: oh yes you do.

true story. that conversation DID actually happen. the tables have turned roomie, the tables have turned. i am not the only one who says dumb things.

you know my favorite line from KOST 103.5 this holiday season is... "The only rap we have here is around the presents" HAHAHAHA. kills me...man.

i want to hang out with as many people as i can before i leave for winter break and that includes you! so "hit me up" (if you consider me worthy enough to be your friend)... special thanks cgitew kirs & thanks mel for today. thanks meechy for the ride to late night and thanks dean for the apple cider & thanks angie for the apple cider last week & thanks mel & nimz for the coldstone coupon & dude, just thanks liwanag for everything. sometimes i think i don't deserve your love.

okay that's all. this is random. i'm gonna wake up and make christmas cards tomorrow. hooray! i love you.

what is going on?

abby left me this IM last night (but it's so true):
your new year's resolution should be to pick up your phone.

NAME THIS TUNE. do do do do do do do do do do do HAHAHA. i love my whistle.

praying for all those who still have finals. only a few more days left. YAY.

ho ho ho, one more to go...yo.

just kidding, he didn't really say that but if it were up to me, in "annaland", that's what he would be saying aside from "awkward" and "foom."

finals week tip #3:
when stressed, eat (but don't over-eat).

finals week gives me the "munchies" as bernie would say. thertine bernanna's has gone on one too many outings on the search for food (specifically junk food) this week. ice cream, cookies, fries, burgers, etc. it's pretty ridiculous but well worth it. it only makes you study harder, in my opinion. try it sometime. you'll agree. having a cookie in one hand while reading over your notes makes a happy student. thank goodness we have late night snacks (except late night can do without the nacho bar, ugh that's gross). a paragraph on food! wow.

uhhh, i should study some more but i did do a lot of studying yesterday! i went to starbucks and studied there with cherise & my old fellow vistan joe cause there was no room at the library. yay me! yay studying!

i'm hungry. ugh. i'll eat soon at like 12. this is now turning into a blog where i'm talking to myself.

finals + hip hop = you don't stop. actually it's weird, before you'd hear hip hop only in our room but it has now spread to christine & theresa's because of their newfound love for jayz. WEIRD but i love it. wouldn't it be cool if "foom" was in a rap song like you know how jayz says "poof...vamoose"...if onlyyyyy...

studying makes me delirious & so does lack of sleep. anyway, i'm free after my final ends at like 3:30!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! praying for everyone who still has finals. you can do it...why? because I love you! hahah. but really you can do it! be optimistic! it pretty much works. for those who don't have finals, praying for you still.

happy birthday 20th birthday trina!!!!
i love you. hope you have an awesome day! FOOM. hahah <3.

when stressed, blog.

i should start studying but you know what? i feel like writing & that is a feeling that i just can't shake. the best blog entries happen under pressure... or during an extremely emotional time and i'm currently experiencing the first.

In my mother's house
There's a photograph
Of a day gone past
Always makes me laugh
There's a little girl
Wary of the world
She got much to learn
Get her fingers burned
An affinity
Between you and me
Cause we're family
Said that I'd be fine
Give me all your time
And I left your side
Like a butterfly

Shower me with your love
Color everyday
You make the milk gold sun
Shine on me
Lift me up so high
Watch me fly away
But you give me l i f e
Like a butterfly

It's a cycle. We're different. I think I am. It's only been a year but the growth I've experienced thus far is tremendous. My old blog entries, which will not be published because it's too embarrassing, were pretty dumb. The things I thought were important at 15, 16, 17, and even 18 are different than the things I value now, well there are some values that I've carried with me from high school onto college but for the most part. A part of me feels liberated after having achieved the freedom this year to "be myself" although I'm still not completely sure of who that is. Then there's another part of me that wishes she could crawl back into her shell, it was safer there. She could watch from the sidelines & get a feel for the game before jumping into it. Her role was to observe & when she could participate, it was minimal & would be under "adult supervision"...What happens when you're slowly becoming the adult? Dude the end of this quarter and the end of this year is really hitting me. It's not a joke anymore. It's too real. I'm getting closer and closer to making decisions that I hoped would be farther down the line. I stubbornly convince myself that I'm independent when I'm still so reliant on my friends, especially my older ones. I know that I don't have to go through it alone & that asking for help is a good thing but then I also know that I can't afford to slack off and be spoon-fed. I guess that's why my finals week this year involves me being cooped up inside my apartment. For some reason, it's empowering. Being in charge of your studying schedule, the occasional study break distractions with the roommates, not having to put up with a noisy suite that would rather play loud music than study... there's something about it. It's a new experience. My AIM activity has decreased however my facebook, blogging, and myspace activity hasn't. haha. It's different. I can honestly say that I'm a big kid now. I've also been relatively calm this week. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the coloring, maybe it's the food runs with thertine bernannas, maybe it's watching Robin Hood (the one with the fox) instead of studying, or maybe it's just the feeling of being at home for a majority of the day...whatever it is it seems to be working for me.

Even though I'm growing up and growing into my own, I can't thank you enough for everything you've done to help me grow this year: for the prayers, the calls, the emails, the texts, the encouraging and thoughtful facebook & blog comments, the dorm visits, the birthday surprise, all the rides, the lunches, the dinners, the smiles, the laughter, the inside jokes, the welcome, the hugs, the invites, the awkward moments, the benefit concerts, the spirit rally, the meetings, the "don't worry's", the "chill out's", the "believe in yourself's", the "it's gonna be okay's", looking for my keys the three times i thought i lost it, the acceptance, the homework help!, the putting up with immaturity & stubbornness, the "hi annaaa's", the concern for my peanut allergies, the "yes's", the things you've taught me, the affirmations, the company, the toughness, the worrying, the hangouts, the friendship, the protectiveness, the comfort you give me when i'm down, the trust, the example you've set, the (f-f-f-) faith, the hope, the LOVE. i seriously remember it all & appreciate it all. i hold this year SOOOO incredibly close to my heart. if someone asked me to describe my freshman year to them in one word it would be love because you made it so easy for me & i'm sure for others which makes me want to pay it forward even more!!! thank you for being my second family & making me feel like i belong in the family! I LOVE YOU. I'm so thankful to Him for you. That's all. It's time to study. Good luck foooolssssssssss!!!!

FINALS WEEK.
let's do this!

when stressed, breathe, pray, & color.
it works.

word.

praying for everyone! :)

p.s. today was a good day & i have You to thank for it.

p.p.s. THANK YOU FOR THE PRAYERS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THEY MEANT TO ME & MY FAMILY. My uncle can actually eat now & the cancer's more slow-moving or something so there's a higher chance of him being around longer & we get to visit him soon.

who knew that it was possible to study for finals without worrying? if i had known earlier, i would've tried this sooner.

Back in the day... (I was 5, Alex & Ceejay were 4 I think)

Today (more like yesterday)


CRAZY. It's a small world after all. i love it & i love the new hampshire ave kids. i also love how i went from being the tallest to the shortest.

Yeah back to studying fools. I'm getting sleepy already.

P.S. my shoulders are scrunched up like that in the first picture because i was ticklish. hahaha. it's the truth.

boom tarat tarat boom tarat tarat tararat tararat boom boom boom!

so my family & i went to wowowee last night at the L.A. colloseum. we were running kinda late cause my brother wanted to stay at his dorm to watch the USC/UCLA game. anyway, mass was supposed to start at 5 but it didn't. filipino time...talaga. haha. man i wish i could speak it fluently sometimes. i'm too lazy to recap everything. maybe if you ask me nicely i'll tell you. so yeah that colloseum wasn't exactly the most solemn place for mass. everyone was eating. food was overpriced and so were the souvenirs. i got a hat it says "bigatin ako"...if only that were true. booo. alex was way more sad than i was about not being a bigatin hahah. he got a wowowee track jacket. i saw erwin, gia (who i didn't know was gonna be there), & surprisingly my childhood friend CJ! she's part of the all-access event staff for the filipino events. okay short summary:

-a lot of filipinos!!!
-people from LA can be really rude
-that emcee lady was mean
-people worship willie revillame
-he gets a lot of money
-alex & i tried to get on stage to give him money & meet him but it didn't work because he said "tama na"
-we took a picture with one of the producers
-hardcore boom tarat tarat (and we didn't get chosen!)
-they made us throw out our signs.
-my mom's ingenuity + cardboard box + lipstick (makeshift signs that said <3 liwanag & UCLA fresh fam)
-UCLA student on USC territory (pictures to prove it)
-lito camo & his extremely fun and catchy songs (sasakyan kitaaaa sa lahat ng gusto mo...)
-janelle's voice is not too great... in erwin's words "wow that was a really high note"
-FILIPINO TIME! it ended at like 12 something.
-gave high fives to the wowowee girls passing by after the show
-alex had a moment with milagreen? milagrim? milagreem? milagrin?
-luningning? loningning? is really white
-the wowowee girls' costumes were really gross
-"lola frances" was sooo cute :)
-crazy day & i'm tired.
-gia & i both got bigatin ako hats! gmta. and she was in the section across from me!

overall, it was a good way to destress before i have to study for my linguistics final which is tomorrow. hooray!

_______________________.

i'm over this quarter.



maybe tomorrow.

let's goooooo.


i'm tired.

keeping yo' head up is hard when there are so many things that can keep yo' head down.
word.

i'm trying.


two words: retail therapy.

two other words...actually three other words: broke phi broke.

no joke.


thank you for all the prayers & for your friendship. it helps. a lot.
please continue praying for my uncle & family! thank you.

i lift it all up to You.

p.s.
i didn't forget: it's the first of the month, so cash yo' checks and get up.

i'm getting distracted. FOCUS.