that's me...

dear anna liza,
please remember to take it easy. stop stressing yourself over minor details & even over the bigger picture for that matter. better yet, stop stressing yourself in general. it isn't good for your health. you're going to age way faster than you'd like to by worrying. calm down. life is not meant to be taken THAT seriously. the C that you get for a 50 point test is not going to matter to you when you're an alum... or at least i think it won't. remember to breathe. don't let the past or the future set you off & get you riled up. in His time. focus on what you have. participate, don't anticipate. each day is much easier to get through when you're smiling. it will all work out in the end. t-r-u-s-t. trust in yourself & most importantly in Him. you survived a quarter of your second year! yay!

p.s. i think you deserve a cookie or some ice cream!

love,
the child within you,
annaaaa or liza (but not both at the same time).

note to self: do this more often. it's fun writing to yourself.

our computer screens keep flashing... the power seems to be going off for like a few seconds and then it turns on again. so frustrating.

edit@ 10:10pm.
The last call I got from my mom just totally killed my take it easy streak. I can't concentrate on my homework. I can't help but worry & be sad. Please pray for my uncle. He got worse. My mom told me that it's terminal now and they're sending him home soon because there's nothing more they can do :( Please keep him and my family in your prayers. thank you.

happy 24th birthday kuya lionel!

remember this?
2 year old me: kuya can i please have a cookie?
you: NO!
2 year old me: lola (pronounced owa bc i couldn't pronounce the l), he won't give me a cookie.
lola: lionel, share your cookies with your cousin!

hahah yay. i love you even when you trick me.

anyway my first final today! hooray. let's hope for the best.

thanks wake-up call. i love you.

i still have sipon but i'm getting better, i think.

work at 9, then study & go to wamu to get a money order & study some more.

hope everyone has a wonderful day. praying for you all.

blog.

it's 11:30. i give myself till 2:30am to study aka procrastinate. i still have quite a bit to go before i can honestly feel confident in the material but for some reason i am not worried right now.

it could be that i'm more sick & ready to sleep than i am nervous.

it could also be the non drowsy claritin.

it could also be the fact that i'm refreshed from taking a shower.

it could also be that i'm not busying myself with AIM or facebook right now.

OR maybe i'm just in denial that tomorrow is actually the day of my final.

who knows?

whatever it is, please don't take this sense of peace away from me. for once in this quarter, at this present moment, at 11:33pm, I feel "chilled out"...and that is not a lie.

weird.

speaking of weird, i had the weirdest dream during my 2 hour nap this afternoon, it involved me sitting near my ikea desk, my mom, a huge dora the explorer balloon and like 20 balloons attached to it (many of which had popped) and my 5 year old niece Josephine but she was a baby again and a lot of gross tiny bugs were hovering over her bald head yuuuuck. i have no clue what that all means.

back to the books. good luck on studying everyone. praying for you. <3

so sleepy.

i ate breakfast today & yesterday (aren't you proud of me?) AND i had orange juice. whoa.

at the library.

i can't look at anything while i'm walking on ring road. i must resist the temptation to shop.

"did you bring your cold weather gear today?"

haaaaaaaaaaaa.

so much to do.

silence = license.

everything.

i can't wait but i can.

praying for you all. please pray for 3 of my friends & my uncle. thank you.

...cause life is so burdensome when every day's a rainy one /
but suddenly there's no more clouds and i believe without a doubt /
that heaven sent an angel down and (they/you/she/he) turned my life around /
but you know and i know, friends come and friends go /
storms rise and winds blow, one thing i know for sure /
when its cold outside theres no need to worry /
cause i'm so warm inside you give me peace when the storm's outside...

two of my supervisors laughed at me today. they passed by my cubicle and i turned around and one of them saw me and laughed really hard. i tried to figure out why he was laughing cause at first it didn't occur to me. he was like "anna are you cold" and i was like "uh not really" and he said "hood, hat, scarf, gloves...dang girl" haha. he was referring to my bundled up look. i didn't want to get any sicker so i was wearing 3 layers of sweater/long sleeve type shirts, my new urban outfitters hat, my mitten/gloves, my scarf and i put my hood on. oh what a sight. i love layering. i wish i could just step outside of myself and see myself the way that others see me. cause from what i see a majority of the time, i think i'm really dumb & weird & awkward hahah. anyway i'm pretty hungry. today was an okay day cause i didn't feel rushed at all but i do feel the stress coming on. week 10. wow. i think i'm gonna have to take a break from distractions.

i'm still thankful for you. i don't think any amount of words can even begin to describe or express my gratitude for you in my life. you're motivating me to try harder and be better these last few weeks of the quarter. thanks.

the incentives that are waiting for me after these two weeks are really good, even though i'm not sure what most of them are yet, they probably involve relaxation and fun and the holiday spirit. hooray.

before i eat vienna sausages & lumpia & rice & who knows what else for dinner...here's a picture of me & rose, little freshies from last year's fall qtr potluck from thesilverdawn. who is she?! haha i actually smiled for the camera. wow. and i'm wearing my kairock because my brother went on kairos that day. wowwwwwwww. I'm EXCITED FOR TOMORROW'S POTLUCK...a much needed break from the hustle of week 10.

i learned that from a bsb concert. anyway, i'm still sick but feeling a little better because last night instead of pulling the usual "staying up & chatting on AIM till 3am but not doing homework" routine, i slept at 1am on the dot...hence my ability to wake up this morning at 9. 8 hours of sleep on a school night! that must be a record.

i've decided to take my mom's and everyone else's advice to heart. FINALLY. i know i've pretty stubborn about that. so lots of sleep, eat healthy & regularly, focus on school. sigh. this morning was weird too because i would usually sign onto AIM first thing once I woke up but this time I stopped myself from doing so. i need to get started on this review sheet.

i still need to get a pair of rainboots & an umbrella AND pick up my old umbrella from interfaith and get my parka that i left in kirs' car. those are just reminders.

good luck everyone! it's week 10 (dude i thought it was week 9, this makes things even worse) ugh. praying for you all.

estoy enferma de nuevo. no es divertido. mi espanol es muy mal. lo siento. mi mama me dice que deber cuidarme. tengo que comer y dormir esta semana. tengo CONDUCIR AHORA. quiero mi licencia!!!!!ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. quiero llorar a veces porque estoy preocupada de muchas cosas en mi vida. dsghalkdgaldksg. el fin.

paz,
tambien


in summary, i need to pass my driving test and get my freaking license already, i need to do well on my finals and i need to get better healthwise. i need to take care of myself. i'm stressed. boooooooooooooooo. i'm gonna try to do the impossible this week. sigh.


I went to my brother's dorm room and his 6 foot 7 roommate wasn't home so i took a picture of my foot next to one of his shoes hahahah. that's all and i thought this post needed a picture.

Okay I just realized that yesterday marked the beginning of the three last months of me being a TEENager. nineteen. hooray.

good morning. i cannot do my homework. i am much too distracted, especially since trina's coming over later. i don't know what we're gonna do. take the metro? anyway, i've been watching noonmasschoir's "Who Am I?" youtube video. i love that song. A LOT. it touches my heart. i was even willing to let it load for like 40 minutes on dial-up just to listen to it.

i'm forever indebted to You & you.


edit @ 12:37am on Sunday, November 25
meechyyyyyyy your blog's gone! it's the end of the world...but not really :(

hung out with trina & kim today. first trina walked over to my house and we watched tv from like 4-7...(the wedding singer, little people, big world, and some of ace ventura HAHAH), pinkberry's in LA, old town pasadena, kabuki, and urban. awkward, an immac thing? we're a clumsy bunch. trina & i especially. right when i got my order from pinkberry i DROPPED it! OMG man. it sucked. good thing only a few of the oreo crumbs came out. i ate the rest of it. kim said i screamed like "it was the end of the world"...you know my usual whoOOAAHHHHH. yeah that. only to me guys only to me. FOOM moments galore. so kim says trina & i talk weird... like she goes from like increase in volume to decrease and i go from decrease to increase. uhhhhh "roight." whatevs haha. i can't wait till we all hang out in christmas break with the likes of gia, kayla & caitlin and more.

i'm sleepy. tomorrow is BUSINESS. study study study study. lsagj;gjas;dgasdg.

color the coast with your smile it's the most genuine thing i've ever seen,
i was so lost but now i believe...

Guess what I got today, among other things... it may just be the BEST buy ever:



That's right. Crayola Mini twistable crayons! They don't break when you color too hard on the page AND you don't have to worry about sharpening them. How high tech right? I got so excited about it because now I can color in my Care Bears coloring book that Meechy gave me. Don't worry I won't go crazy and I'll save a page for you. Dude I'm a grown up I swear hahah. Sometimes you have to remember how to be a kid in order to function as an adult. THIS is my way of relieving stress. Yay!

Today reminded me why I hate shopping during this time of year...the long lines & the crazy parking lot congestion and the mean people. They can really put you in a "bahumbug" (sp?) mood if you let them. Whatever. I bought a couple of things but nothing big. I'm satisfied cause I spent a lot of money last weekend anyway. My mom's the one who went a little overboard on the spending but rightly so because she hasn't splurged on stuff in a while. Oh yay shopping. We went to Glendale Galleria and I ran into Darlene! hahah and we also went to Eagle Rock Plaza, the most filipino mall ever. Some girl sang like 10 songs on the magic mic at this small cart. She was pretty good...maybe she wanted to be discovered or something. I also got Christmas cards! I can't wait to start on those but I might have to, considering that I have homework to do and finals to study for. UGH. I'm going to spend tonight getting my life together and hopefully starting my homework? It's only Saturday. Trina's coming over tomorrow so that should be fun.

thanks for lunch today fellow panda. you're a blessing in my life and I admire you SO MUCH, you don't even know. you make me smile and i'm not just saying that to be nice. i'm grateful for your friendship. love you! yay thai bbq & yay good convos!

i like unexpected phone calls, especially from people you haven't heard from in the longest time. i got some today and yesterday (when i actually picked up). my phone & i have a love-hate relationship... right now i'm okay with it and on that note, i forgot that it's on silent again hahaha. oops. i'm really bad at the phone.

my kuya dan asked me if my inability to pick a dvd yesterday mirrored my indecisiveness in life and i honestly replied, "yes it does" so frances picked the movies (plural because he tried to make me pick twice). then kuya lionel tricked me by telling me the "Olivares" labeled wine was wine that he made in their backyard and he said he fermented the grapes himself. it took 5 minutes for me to register that in my head and i turned around and asked him if it was really true. it wasn't. my auntie&uncle bought that in vegas. ugh. haha it's weird how i call them kuya even though dan's 26 and lionel's 23. weird but they're my cousins so it's not THAT weird.

sometimes i think i act more like a kid than my younger cousins/nephews. our 7 yr old nephew almost strained his neck peeking & grinning at very inappropriate parts of eurotrip. that wouldn't have happened if i picked the movie haha.

my mom bought posterboard so that we can make signs for wowowee next saturday. it's in a week lol.

please pray for my uncle. he's weighing about 100 lbs right now and he's shedding those pounds quickly. please pray that he gets better. thank you.

and i'm still THANKING YOU for being in my life <3.

I'm THANKFUL for YOU!

I love you & You.

thanksgiving post on the way. yes i still think i'm gonna blog on thanksgiving. why not?!

Warning: THIS IS LONG.

I was young (BOP)
And didn't have no where to run
I needed to (wake up) and see (and see)
What's in front of me (na-na-op)
There had to be, a better way
To show I'm grateful (hum)

So I thought up this song
To show my appreciation for lovin' me so long
You don't know how much you mean to me

Cause even though when times got rough
You never turned away
You were right there
And I thank you (thank you)
When I felt I had enough
You never turned away
You were right there
And I thank you (thank you)

Before I left for home last night I was so incredibly irritated. I was running on 3 hours of sleep, I hadn’t eaten the whole day, and I had to suffer the consequences of procrastinating on my homework, not to mention I had to go to work and although I don’t mind working, I still felt the “day before thanksgiving why am I still here?” symptoms. I admit I took some of that irritation out on my family cause it’s not like family always makes things easier…I mean we’re only human. Anyway, once I got home I was overcome with a sense of comfort and thankfulness. SO MANY BLESSINGS yesterday that I came close to missing because I was being so stubborn and negative. GP and India Arie are right… it’s all about your attitude and “it’s all about your perception.” I know we shouldn’t limit ourselves to just feeling thankful on thanksgiving but I can’t help but realize how blessed I am right at this moment despite all the struggles and hardships. He has blessed me with you and how great of a gift is that? I know I couldn’t have survived the past quarter without all of you. I’m at a loss for words but I still think I should personally thank you on my blog cause I’m too lazy to go to everyone’s facebook and leave comments and I’m too lazy to just text or call (texting is expensive anyway). So this will suffice, sorry if I missed anyone but I’m still grateful for YOU.

THANK YOU
Thank You for all the blessings you’ve bestowed on me. The people in my life are in it because of You. They reflect Your love every day. Thank You for allowing me to be Your instrument, as unworthy as I am. Thank You for my family, my friends, my life, my faith. Thank You for carrying me. Thank You for the struggles and for the tears because from that pain comes happiness and love. Thank You for every new day and for every new opportunity. Thank You for being love. Thank You.

Family: thanks to my mom & dad for loving me unconditionally (even though they don’t read this blog haha), thank you Alex for being not just a brother but a friend, I know we don’t like getting mushy or more like you don’t but thanks for trusting me and calling me (it really means a lot to me even if it’s about something dumb), thank you to my aunts & uncles for caring for me and helping me and praying for me (especially Uncle Dick, I’m praying for you especially), thank you to my cousins…franny jo, rikki (rene who I used to call rikki rini haha), james, al, kuya lionel, kuya dan, kuya arman, kuya joseph, kuya jimmy, Johnny, and richie, and ate lin and ate jean and aj and jiles (and waay more who don’t read this) for making family parties bearable and for hanging out with me and making me laugh I love you.

Friends:
IHM 01 friends, time look where we ARE. I love you. Thank you for being in my life. Even though we’ve all gone different ways, our memories of IHM brings us together.
thank you gia for being my best friend all these years even though we don’t talk everyday, the times we do means the world to me. Unlike many people, instead of walking out, you always seem to walk back into my life when I’m struggling. that one song you sent me came at the RIGHT time and the only reason I can think of for that is “gmta” I love you.
Thank you gen “ladee divine (LOL)” for not only being my source of all things gossip and my fellow teenybopper but for always checking up on me and being one of my constant friends. Your unexpected phone calls make my day…it’s been 15 years and I know there are many more years of friendship to come.
Thanks danny, mike, bryan, joey, who have been there for me for most of my life. Whenever I talk to one of you, it brings me back and that’s a good thing. You help me stay true to myself. Thank you.
Thank you ring sister Kristina, you seriously LIFT me up! You’re sooo awesome. I don’t know how you put up with my venting and my complaining. No words to describe how important our friendship is to me. I love you.
Thank you Kim 100% fresh Mendoza, I LOVE YOU. You’re a living saint and an angel in my life. You’re part of the reason I’m smiling again. You’re beautiful.
Thank you caitlin future president reardon, your ability to survive everything that comes your way inspires me. You’re so strong. Thank you for bringing sense back into my life all the time.
Thank you trinaaaaaaa for making me laugh and smile and for believing in me when I don’t. you’re so AWESOME. You’re also the tough one. I’m praying for you always.
Thank you Darlene barlene, even though you don’t have a facebook… I miss you and I’m grateful for days when we can relax and paint pottery like old times hahah.
Thank you Andrea, Jessica, and Janice for being the greatest little sisters ever. I’m proud of you. You make my heart smile.
Thank you all my IH sisters because you remind me to serve, to love and to live (as women of great heart and right conscience and more HAHAHAH)

Thank you thertine…Theresa chuaaa, I’m soooo incredibly thankful that you were not only in my group of friends in h.s. but that you’re also my roomie! I couldn’t have it any other way. You’ve helped me cheer up a lot this quarter just by being loud, talkative, funny, and REAL, basically just by being you… I bet you didn’t know you’d help me as much as you have this qtr. I love youuuu and I love our conversations. Thanks Christine for being an awesome roommate as well. Your stories always have an ability to take my mind off things haha.
Thank you BERNIE of bernannas, the best roommate in the whole wide world. I could not have survived without you this quarter and I’m 100% sure of that. You bring peace and calmness and reason into my life and I’m afraid I’ve cried on your shoulder one too many times so far but THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. NO WORDS!

Thank you vistans…Kenny Loo, the most awesome RA in the world… you always take care of us even after we moved out. Thank you avi!!!! OMG my life would not be the same without you in it, you bring the fun into my days at school. You help me strive to do better. YAY anna & avi days. Thanks Flo for being such a sweet person and friend. The times that I actually have run into you this year have been worthwhile because you’re genuine and caring and I appreciate that so much. Thank you Bri for being the briyonce you are! You always bring life into the conversations hahah. Thank you Jen, the 301 suite and all the vistans for making my first year so memorable.

This part WILL take the longest. OMG. Why am I doing this again? Oh yeah cause I want to hahaha. Thank you LOG. I could really just end it right here because I seriously KNOW that every single one of you has helped me this quarter and this year in SO many ways. I don’t even know how to start but I will.

Thank you 3D derrick for helping me “rise up” and making me smile and laugh and for your prayers. You’re the coolest of the cool fool. Thank you GP for solving my dilemmas and for being so welcoming to us 09ers last year, you’re the reason I’m going on Wowowee for real, I’m gonna step up for you. Thank you Jill for being an inspiration to me even when you’re so far away, I can feel the power of your prayers and I’m amazed by your love and sacrifice every day. Thank you alum, some of whom I haven’t even met yet (but from what I hear you’re AWEsome). I’m growing in my own faith, not only because of Him, or because of the current members or because of me but also because of YOU. You paved the way for this beautiful journey that I’m currently experiencing right now and I can honestly say that this family you’ve started is one of the things I can’t imagine living without. Thank YOU. Thank you Nimz for our shopping day, for listening to me and being such a great S.O.S. I learn so much from you. Thank you Angie for embracing your “beh-behs” last year and for inspiring me through your own faith in Him; you kept us coming back by being the warm, funny, friendly and POPULAR you! Thank you first friend Cristina for introducing me to LOG (along with the Immac’ers), you helped make my transition into college easier by welcoming me. Thank you Cressa & Rona for bringing me to my first meeting. I can’t express how grateful I am to you for that. You helped me begin this journey and that in itself is incredible. Thank you Meechy for everything, for bringing Immac back to me, for your morning wake up calls, for your nurturing hugs and for your concern, you are the epitome of “C.A.R.I.N.G.” Thank you Janice for being so weird, JUST KIDDING, thank you for our summer lunch dates and for the pick-me-ups and for reminding me that I am “mighty”, YOU are the mightiest of all, you inspire me through your silent prayers and through your voice. Thank you Adrian for the summer car rides from LA to Irvine or anywhere, your faith and trust in Him are amazing, I can only hope to be as accepting of His will in my life as you are. Thank you Marites for your hellos and for checking up on me and for your gift of service, you’re such a humble servant which makes you even more amazing. Thank you Mel for lying to everyone about “anna sauce” hahah jk thank you for being so willing to help others despite your own struggles and thank you for the rides to MSTB and for lunch hahah you’re a cool “30 year old” jk again. Thank you Jay for taking unflattering pictures of me lol jk thank you for capturing every beautiful moment through your photos and for sharing His love just by being you, you’re an unsung hero. Thank you Kathee for being my awkward role model haha no but really thank you for being up for hanging out with me those days I’d sleep over at shawshank and for being so funny and lightening up the mood. I miss you, let’s have a BH 90210 marathon. Thank you Kirs for being so COOL. You’re the meaning in my life, you’re the inspiration!!! HAHAH jk but not really. You’ve grown so much this past year that I’ve known you and dude I want to be just like you, you know? I want to be as COOL as you. Hahah OK I’ll stop. Thanks for inviting me places, sharing with me, eating with me, laughing with me or at me, listening to me and being you. Thank you brenton, the coolest co ever for pushing me and encouraging me. You pick up a lot of my slack. Thank you Frances FQA for being the most beautiful and prettiest girl in the entire world. You’re like an older sister to me, you’re so caring and loving, I don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes…Thank you for feeding me, taking care of me, cheering me up and encouraging me and for just being my friend. Thank you Ms. Eileen S. yet another older sister, your faith in me really does pull me through. Thank you for reminding me to smile. Thank you Ricaaaaa for being the best teammate ever. We’re winners. Your faith in Him strengthens MINE. You have a beautiful way with words. Thank you Sarah Killian, despite your vagueness, you always find a way to make me feel better, your prayers work wonders. You’re awesome. Thank you Derrick Dumo, even if you laugh at me, I know that inside you’re just laughing with me. You’re awesome and I’m always in AWE of you. School, LOG, PUSO, UCC how do you do it?! Thanks for your contagious laughter. Thank you Dan the man, you’re a blessingggg, every time I see you I smile. You’re like the OG 09 member and I’m glad I have you as a friend. Thank you Lennar for making me laugh with your jokes and sometimes lame pick up lines, dude yay for Crescent Bay hahah. You’re the cookie to my fortune LOL. You’re awesome. Thank you Chris Beltran for being so understanding and helpful and helping me in everything like my hw. You’re a lifesaver. Thank you Melissa for being my music buddy. You bring out the thug in me HAHAHA. I love our Charlie Brown dance, you’ll always be a fellow second year to me. Thank you Jonas for being Jonas… you’re funny. your comments are hilarious. Thank you for your gift of song cause your voice is AMAZING. Thank you Sherry for being so thoughtful and friendly, I always get excited seeing you on campus because you’re always willing to take time out of your day to talk. Thank you Krystle for your “don’t eat that there might be peanuts, anna’s” hahaha. I know it’s out of concern. Thank you for your greetings and hugs. Thank you Jen Sumcad and Jen Kim and Brenda for your beautiful voices. You all definitely shined (shone?) at BC. I’m still in awe. Thank you Matt, for being nice and cool, even when you try to make me eat peanuts to see my reaction I know you don’t mean it. Thank you Dean for being awkward jk, even though you like to make fun of me thank you for everything, for the ice cream and cookie runs, for listening to me vent, for making me laugh and for having my back. I got yours too, but not if it’s someone really mean and big jk but not really. Thank you Will for being an awesome servant leader AND pass counselor… with all the things in your plate you still manage to give all of yourself to Him. Yay! :) Thank you Joe for forcing me to work on my phone skills hahah actually thank you for everything as well, especially for putting up with me lately, thanks for making me laugh and cheering me up, I’m honored to be one of your “little sisters” (I’ll try harder to annoy you JK). Thank you ERWEIRDOOOOO thugface, for being the greaaaatest friend and for the rides, the laughs, the talks, the raps, the fun times and for taking care of me and watching out for me. One sentence doesn’t do you justice but neither does a million so I won’t even try. Youzdabomb. Thank you second years aka J Unit aka 09’ers aka heart crew. I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU. SO MUCH. Penney, thank you for being so strong and willing to share your struggles with me, you’re beautiful. Thank you Toni for making us all feel better just by your presence and your funny comments. Thank you Abby for being so sweet and for being my indecisive partner in crime, thank you bellamay for your wisdom LOL and for knocking some sense into me all the time and for listening and for your prayers, thank you Kathy, my emo twin@heart for crying with me and laughing with me and just being YOU…I couldn’t have asked for someone better to share this experience with than you. Thank you Rose for being so friendly and happy and for brightening up my day with your smiles. Thank you first years (Khrystyn, Krystle, Kim, Jamie, Kathleen, Holly), the twenty ten sisters for relighting my fire. I’m so glad I get to see you start your journey. You’re growing already and I love having you around because no offense to the oldies but I have more in common with you HAHAH. I can only hope to be as COOL as you are. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you St. Rose of Liman’s (Mylene, Rona, Chris, Lydia, Charlene, Nimz, Brenton, and Larson) for reminding me of His presence every Tuesday. Thank you to ALL LOG members, I’m grateful to have each and every single one of you in my life (even if we’re not the closest), you’re my second family. He gives us our family and we choose our friends. The fact that I can call my friends my family is already a blessing. I think that about covers it.

DUDE if I missed anyone, that really sucks cause look this is like 2 pages in word and that’s just log. If I missed you and I probably DID miss some people, I’m still grateful to Him for you. That’s how powerful He is, He’s blessed me with SO much that I can’t even keep track. SO THIS THANKSGIVING I’M FILLED WITH THANKS AND LOVE FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY LIFE. I’m still in disbelief with how much He’s served me this year. I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU.

Thank you for being a friend,
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true you’re a pal and a confidant…

YAY GOLDEN GIRLS.
YAY SLEEP.
YAY SHOPPING TOMORROW.
YAY YOU!
YOU’RE YAY!
YAY.
I’m not delirious. I’m just thankful.

UGHHHH



can't escape it.
there's always something.


good night.

edit@10:46pm: home home. so far it's been like home? i'm glad i get to sleep in my comfy bed & just SLEEP. my mom cleaned the entire house. it definitely feels like we're guests in our own home because of that. spontaneity quite possibly makes me tired. i've come to the conclusion that i get delirious past 4am and my "energy"/"false perkiness" lasts well onto 5am coupled with grumpiness. i don't like functioning on less than 5 hours of sleep or more like i can't tolerate it. sorry about today, i was pretty irritable. although i don't think i talked to too many people today anyway. lyrics, i love them. too bad i can't think of a fitting set of lyrics right now. if i could i'd post them. we all have walls or "fortresses." are YOU afraid of the dark? what do people do?! thank you for last night. five things i'm grateful for right now, at this very second are (in no particular order & excluding the given answers like family, friends, and log and God) : 1. home 2. comfort 3. my hat 4. my inhaler/claritin 5. my pillow. of course these answers are subject to change within the next year, month, week, day, hour, minute and second.

i think i'm gonna lay low for this weekend.

see you later. happy early thanksgiving friends. i'm grateful for YOU.

i wish i was...

that's always the case.

i'm never content with myself.

that's all.

ugh. home sounds a little better to me right now, despite all the things or LACK of things waiting there for me. i just want to go.

i'm sleepy.

i guess everyone has to schedule in some "spontaneity."

bye.

everything is everything /what is meant to be will be / after winter must come spring / change it comes eventually

It's a brand NEW day!
Fresh starts, clean slates, second chances, & another opportunity "to do good."

Thanks for being my friend even when I feel like I'm being dumb.

"It's only natural."

I'm glad that we're in it together. You went through it, we're going through it, he/she/they will probably go through it. What a cycle, what a stage.

We left the window open last night and now I have a runny nose/ sipon. I hope it goes away soon.

It's the holiday season & I need to get my spirits up again!

UP!

In due time, in His time.

Each day DOES get better, even though we have our off days.

Back to being a second year.

Let's do this.

"Handle it."

Praying for you.

Let's love ourselves and we can't fail.

how you gon' win when you ain't right within?

i was asking for this by going shopping today but you know what? i don't care. it was worth it.

nimz: did you start on your homework at all?
me: no
nimz: spoken like a true second year.

man i spent a lot of money today but i love my new hat, purse, pair of shorts, sweater, necklace & dress. yay super f0rever 21 and h&m. thanks for taking me today nimz :) doo dah parade!?!

fragments.

i'm only human.

i lied. i'm not quite used to this yet. it'll take a while for me to be comfortable with it.

it's just a phase. it'll pass.

i miss the oldies, or more like my oldies? and my seniors? well the oldies & seniors who were around when i was a first year. even though i see a lot of you occasionally, i still miss you. i don't know if that makes sense but i do. i don't know how life's going to be when you all leave... it's already different enough as it is.

i'm not ready.

no me gusta.

wow, i'm almost 20. uhhhh. november, december, january, FEBRUARY. i am getting there. ahhhh!!!

that is all. good night. we'll feel better in the morning.

the quarter is winding down & i still need motivation.

ugh. so much to do so little time and i'm only taking 12 units this quarter so i don't know why i'm so stressed. oh yeah maybe it's procrastination & my wasted day yesterday :(

i don't think i've complained this much about school on my blog in a while. i mean i have but i think last year i'd have entries dedicated to how much i didn't like school. whatever. i want to be done with it but not really.

linguistics hw due tomorrow (and i need to get a better grade than an 81), webpage due on friday (and i can only access the webpage stuff at school so that means i technically have to finish it by wednesday!!), social psych paper due on wednesday (yuck). i want it to be wed. already.

one questionnnnnn: HOW DID I GET TO THE PLACE I'M AT RIGHT NOW AGAIN?! I don't even know.

i got a call yesterday and found out the thanksgiving tradition that my friends and i had established since we were 9-10 years old is now over :( i'm really sad. i don't think it's happening this year and i don't know why. it literally breaks my heart. every year 4 of us go to our other friend's house and bring food & her parents cook food and we all eat and catch up on the past year. we've changed so much since we first started that tradition, from watching teenybopper music videos on "the box" to watching movies to playing mind games to playing videogames to just talking about random or dumb stuff to EATING GOOD FOOD, it's been an awesome tradition. i hope our christmas eve isn't cancelled either. looks like it's just one thanksgiving dinner for me...spent at my aunt & uncle's house eating while my uncles, dad, and cousins watch football without letting us change the channel...it doesn't help that my family's mostly guys and my kuya dan's had this old cat named penny (named after penny hardaway) ugh. i didn't have a problem with her until i found out i was allergic to her. claritin here i come. why does growing up have to be so difficult? why do people have to be so difficult?

sorry for that venting entry. ugh. YAY LIFE. haha.

ENJOY.



before & afters:

Before I do my homework and try to salvage what's left of my shortened day, I feel the urge to blog and I can never deny that urge. Bernie & I woke up at 1:46pm. DUDE. We slept through half the day. 4am-1:46pm. Wow. Anyway, despite all the homework & work waiting for me after I finish this, I am content with everything for the most part. It's LARGELY due to the fact that I am well-rested right now. Thank goodness. I have a ton of things running through my mind. I don't know where to start.

Hey, we're all growing up. Bernie & I were talking about how this journey feels like a videogame. Right now we're one level higher & the game doesn't get any easier. If anything it gets more frustrating & discouraging. But the pay-off outweighs the frustration because it's so much more rewarding. Although the initial thrill & excitement of playing the game is fading, the opportunity to get better & reach new levels & encounter new challenges makes it worth it. How lame would it be to keep playing at the easy/beginning stage over and over again? There's no growth there. We gain more out of it by aiming to better ourselves & aiming higher. Yes? Yes. I love analogies. HAHA.

Even though Angie & Dean made me feel awkward last night, they're kinda right. Who knew a year ago? WHO KNEW... I didn't. First of all, I didn't feel like even singing for BC last year. I did it cause Kathy did. We only went to three practices. Also, I didn't know anyone at all, just my family leaders & the first years & the immac'ers so it felt even more awkward. Interestinggggg.

I LAUGHED SO HARD YESTERDAY. It's all angie's fault. She tortured me with her pictures. Ugh. It was like an ab/stomach workout. Angie the waitress called me a dork. KOST one oh three POINT FIVEEEEEEE. I love the *Nsync Christmas album. Merry Christmas Happy Holidays. Welcome to 'orms. I was hyper last night, too hyper. It must be the soda. I had a lot of soda. Do you want a straw?

The only sad part of yesterday was that we missed Penney & Toni :( Next year perhaps. We still have a long way to go.

Ooooh you make me LIVE.

The fire's no longer dimming cause you're helping me relight it. Thank you. Let's walk in the light togetherrrrrrr.

uciGfrmLA (2:41:48 PM): someone step up
uciGfrmLA (2:41:52 PM): how about...
uciGfrmLA (2:41:55 PM): ANNA!!!!!

I will try.

P.S. I haven't done this in a while but GP told me to do it...

PLEASE BLOG!!!!
it's crucial for the survival of the internet. THANKS.

HA!

i know i'm supposed to sleep right now. REALLY QUICK POST, i promise.

yay, you're back!... but not really but kinda! :)

this is different but good in its own way?

all it takes is some getting used to.

i'll be fine.

astronaut suits by the bBC (benefit concert, that is) at SSLH tonight! it's been a year. CRAZY.
last year, penney, kathy & dan & i experienced it for the first time. we didn't even talk to many people in log nor did we know all the songs. ONE YEAR LATER. o m g man o m g.

i love You & i will continue to press on.

HOLD ON FOR ONE MORE DAY, THINGS WILL GO YOUR WAY... hold on for one more day.
i miss hip hop cinema sometimes. cgitew, joe & erweirdo! WHERE ARE YOU?! haha jk. i see you. i just miss having that class with you. WEIRD.

anyway good night. praying for you all.


EDIT:
One of my old posts from my old blog last year:
Tanging Yaman
written on Wednesday, Nov. 09, 2005, @ 5:21 p.m..

"...gotta keep moving on, moving on, fly away, breakaway"



My mini-iPod was on shuffle, I was making my way back from the science library, which is a good 10 minute walk to Mesa, the sun was setting, the darkness began enveloping the sky, the paths were basically empty & lonely, and lo and behold, Breakaway came on. Coincidence? I think not. But it seemed to be the first time that I REALLY genuinely listened to the lyrics. I know I've quoted the lyrics time and time again but somehow, walking by myself back to my dorm, I felt this strong, inexplanatory connection to it. I still can't really point out the reason why. It must be because I've been at school for the past two weeks and I haven't been home. Or it could be because I feel like I've truly broken away. After months of talking about how things are going to change, I finally feel like I've gone through that transitional phase of my college life and that things have definitely taken a new turn for the better. This chapter of my life, that I had been dreading and anticipating, has finally arrived and I've been embracing it subconsciously. I didn't realize just how wonderful it all feels. I'm on my own, independent, surrounded by tons of new people with only myself to answer to. I don't know how I could've worried so much about it. Now that it's here, I want to soak it all up. I've survived my first college sickness, my first weekend at Irvine, my first 3 months of school, my initial "I feel sorry for myself because I have no friends" phase, my first "I feel like dropping this class but instead I'll change the grade option to pass/no pass" and I'm currently surviving my first academic quarter. I really feel like a college student now. No joke. It's incredible! It's like some sort of epiphany took hold of me tonight. Oh yes, last night I settled things :) A talk with Flo helped me see that among all these new opportunities and new relationships, I can't lose sight of the ones back home waiting (hopefully) for me. Bare with me as I try my hardest to incorporate my old life into my new life. It's a struggle, but a worthy one. Liwanag last night was also another blessing in disguise. I actually stayed for the whole meeting including the Benefit concert and I honestly love it. I love my St. Gabriel family. God is always with me, looking out for me and guiding me. I only hope that this year, my faith and trust in Him strengthens! The action songs last night made me feel like a kid again! It's literally AWEsome. Plus, my twin at heart knew just how much I loved cookies that she bought me 2 Mrs. Field's cookies when she was at the spectrum. Of course, they're long gone :) Tomorrow I'm going home and oh what a homecoming it's going to be. I looove this song:


Ikaw ang aking tanging yaman
Na di lubusang masumpungan
ang nilikha Mong kariktan
Sulyap ng 'Yong kangandahan



Wow people, I am on a roll! Be proud! Two days of blogging in a row! That hasn't happened to me since senior year! Amaazing. Maybe it's because this is a short week and due to the fact that I've been diligently studying for the past two weeks. I deserve this break! So, I guess I'll blog again soon? i don't want to make any promises especially since today's been quite the gloomy one lol. The weather outside is FRIGHTFUL. KINDA. ttfn to 0 readers.

i just had an awesome hour and a half conversation with my long time friend danny, who is here to visit chua for "boyfriends day" (as labeled by my roommate christine because apparently all my roomies' boyfriends visit on thursday). i miss elementary school sometimes. he is one of the few who knew me back in the day when i was betsy ross for a school play and when i hid my tamogotchi in my KFC box still filled with greasy chicken because i didn't want to get in trouble for bringing it to school and when boys would take my headband/scrunchy from my hair and i would chase after them even though it was useless and when i'd dance in the talent show to nsync and bsb songs with gen, ten, len, issa, gia & krizel...basically through that whole awkward phase of middle school. i was pretty awkward maybe? i don't know. anyway, it's nice catching up on things especially when i've been out of the loop. when i finally got up to go upstairs he was like,

"sorry i've been keeping you from the internet"

DUDE do i really use it THAT much?! unfortunately i think i do. maybe cause whenever he's over and hanging out with theresa and the rest of our roommates including bergio, i'm in my room talking on AIM. i feel like it interferes with some of my friendships with people sometimes. i need to take a break from the computer or else.

what a day. it's the second day in a row where i've overslept. SO BAD man. 9:47am! I had work at9 o clock. UGH. to top it off, i think i failed my quiz on excel today. i'm a tad bit sad even though i shouldn't be so sad but cheer me up thanks!

thank you mel for taking me home from interfaith today and taking me & christine to mstb for class. i feel cool when i ride in the UCI van. woo hoo. too bad you almost killed me and cgitew kirs hahah! it's okay though cause we're safe.

benefit concert's tomorrowwwwwwww. whoa. time goes by so quickly.

i feel bad. danny is cooking dinner for thertine bernannas once again hahah. oh man. he just let me try some of it.

anyway, hope everyone had a better thursday than i did. if not, there's always tomorrow! the sun will come out tomorrow! :)

this morning i woke up feeling well rested but NOT brand new. dude it was bad. i set my alarm at 8 am for bernie cause her phone wasn't working but i forgot to reset the alarm to when i had to wake up SO i ended up waking up at 9:43...just in time to get dressed really quickly and rush to my 10 am discussion which takes role. i was so rushed that i ended up wearing my brown vista sweatshirt and my boots...however while walking to class i soon realized that the weather did not call for boots. so when i got to class i took off my sweatshirt because it was hot and realized that my bright blue "cheer up" tshirt did not match my brown boots and i also realized that i forgot to wear my class ring hahaha. so for the entire 50 minutes of class all i could think about was coming back to the apt afterwards so that i could take a quick shower and change into something that matched. yes, it's the truth. i feel much better now and i can continue on with the rest of my day despite having forgotten to eat lunch throughout this entire ordeal. it wasn't really an ordeal though but whatever.

i dreamt that i couldn't leave some restaurant or place last night because i misplaced my CA id card. it was so stressful. i was stressed and it was only a dream. luckily. i also dreamt that my ipod was working again. sigh.

anyway perhaps i'll update again soon. it's my longest day in the entire world and this is practically my only break. up next, class at 12 and class at 1 and work from 2-5 (without my ipod...this should be fun) and then i'll be back home again and hopefully take a nap and do some homework and hopefully go to the PASS conference and then head to BC practice. that's the plan. we shall see.

make it a great Wednesday :)

Here you go again ready to give up,
Feeling so pressured again enough is enough,
believe me or not you're not alone
Everyone's hope is running thin
but it's never as bad as it seems

Just believe, things can only get better,
just believe, your spirit gets so higher,
just believe, tomorrow can shine brighter,
all you got to do is just believe

Every now and then, nothing turns out right, you feel
so unloved as you cry all through the night

Believe me or not, you're not alone
Everyone's hope is running thin
but it's ever as bad as it seems.

Sad moments so bad to make us appreciate the happy times,
we always seem to take for granted
Always taken for granted
oh oh oh oh

Just believe, things can only get better,
just believe, your spirit gets so higher,
just believe, tomorrow can shine brighter,

No need to feel down, turn face around,
all you got to do is just believe
no need to feel down
you can turn face around,
all you gotta do it is you just believe
just believe........


thank You

for my family: for my mom who calls me like 3 times in one hour to tell me not to walk to interfaith by myself in the dark, for my brother who IM's me to tell me that he's going to some club meeting and needs someone to talk to when he's bored while walking there, for my dad who loves me even when i don't see it, for my friends: for my roommates who comfort me when I'm crying, especially when they think i'm crying over something dumb like leaving my notebook but know it's something deeper, for friends who leave me blog comments or facebook comments or send me emails or check up on me or try to cheer me up on a day when i'm not feeling myself, for friends who take time out of their day to look for my misplaced keys that are not really misplaced, for friends who drive me to places when they don't have to, for friends who are there for me regardless of the time of day, for friends who i haven't talked to in quite a while, for friends who love and accept me for who i am, for the light that shines through my windows when i wake up in the morning, for the sky and the sun that i see when i walk to class every morning, for my legs that carry my weight everyday, for my hands that i use to write and take notes, for the ability to laugh and smile, for jokes, for myself, for every single day, for LIFE, for everything.

i don't always count my blessings, especially in the past few weeks but today puts a lot of things in perspective. there is NO day like today, no day but today.

Just believe. One thing, the simplest thing...something that you say or do has the ability to completely turn someone else's day or even their life around for the better. thank You. He knows what He's doing. it took only a second of my day. i could have just as easily decided not to (as I've done so often in the past few months and in the past two years) but i did and because of that, praise God. there is hope. there's always hope. never say never. two years ago, i would not have done this or i don't think my heart was in the right place to do this. forgiveness was not an option. Lord God, THANK YOU for today. Thank you for working through me. The weight of it all is barely hitting me...so much so that I'm again close to tears, but good tears. I love You.

Bernie said it best, "what she needed today wasn't even a best friend, all she needed was a friend" and for me to be able to be that person for you today is humbling. i'm grateful for this second chance, this second opportunity to serve you. i'm glad i didn't let it pass me by. remember, you are loved, you are beautiful, and you are worth it.

So many things to be grateful for, so many things to smile about. you're the reason for the smile on my face recently. thank God for you, for the oldies & the alum who are constantly pushing me to do more and to serve more through your example, for your kind words of encouragement, for your "hi annaaaaa's", for your frequent "how are you today's?", for your trust, for your faith in me, for your love. i can't begin to thank you for everything you've done for me. the list keeps going. you lift me up, you inspire me, you teach me, you embody Him. i love you. thank God for the newbies, the freshmen, you bring about this new burst of energy within me. your "yes" fuels me. it's what keeps me going again. lately i've been down but seeing your faces at every meeting and seeing your eagerness and willingness to know Him more makes me happy and I love watching you grow (even as I'm still growing myself). for my fellow 09'ers, this rut we've been in the past quarter will pass. it's not permanent and seeing how much each of us has positively grown even in just the past few weeks is living proof of that. we were introduced to Him and the power of His love last year and i can already see us being transformed by it. "ruined for life"...for real. for all those still struggling, just believe. you will overcome this and you'll be better because of it. how can we appreciate the happy times without experiencing the sad ones? sorry that sentence sounded really elementary... happy sad but TRUE. i am praying for you always. trust in Him. He works in mysterious ways.

dude. what a week already.

long day tomorrow but thank You.

4 more minutes and i'm still up to trade anyone for my window.

no really i am.

i'm so tired. i was up till 3 planning my dumb schedule. it's not like it has to be perfect anyway. i still have time to change it around but i always manage to make things harder on myself. that's my life. i need to be in control. ugh.

7:58. why am i up again? class isn't till 12. i'm going back to sleep after this. if i'm not awake by 10:30, wake me up again. thanks meechy for the 7:45am wake up call! :)

TENTATIVE schedule: p9, e8, sociol 110, sociol 43... 2 fulfill the social ecology major requirement and the other two fulfill the sociology minor req. so i'm GUESSING that i'm going to major in psb and minor in soc. for now! (cause a part of me still wants to minor in education too but i'll save that for later).

my eyes are drooping. i feel gross. remind me never to sleep late again please and if i refuse to, then make me thanks.

k it's 8:07 now. i'm done. i'll come back to this when i'm well rested.

all i can say is that you are one of the the reasons I'm trying so hard to find my way back to You. it's true.

let my heart be changed, RENEWED flowing from the grace that I've found in You.

it's going to be a long & busy week.

discipline, i need it.

I'm so excited.

i think i get it now.

i think i'm gonna sleep again.

peace out.

goodbye three day weekend. it's a regular 2 day one for me.

i have sipon or sniffles or my nose is bothering me right now.

i'm really sleepy. i should be sleeping right now. tell me to sleep.

i'm proud of you.

you make my heart smile like this :D

i like heart2heart & heart2hearts.

i hope you make it on friday.

i missed out again.

i like short blogs like this once in a while.

remember, there's only one you.

the world.

i get scared sometimes (even though i'm unscareable)

this entry just sucks.

i'm sorry.

we went to marvin's to go shopping & i heard the water dritting. i don't lock walking around at night in dresses. turn left on bear. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME TODAY?!

tapsilog for breakfast. i love my mommy.

homeward bound! TOMORROW! i plan on sleeping & maybe doing some shopping AGAIN?! i don't know. let's hang out. if you're in LA and want to be my friend cause i could always use more of those, call me. i hope i answer.

hey You're awesome.

EDIT @ 8:23pm
there you go with the same old thing

i realized that when the going gets tough, i blog.

why can't everyone just be happy?

i'm tired of this.

i need to do homework, i need to start studying, i need to plan my schedule, i need to know what i'm doing.

alwaaays the same.

(Baby) if I only knew / The words to say / The road to take / To find a way back to Your heart / What can I do / To get to You / And find a way back to Your heart / I don't know how it got so crazy /But I'll do anything to set things right / Cause Your love is so AMAZING / (Baby) You're the b e s t thing in my life

this song's for You. changed it up a bit. i love how any love song can turn into a song for Him.

oh bsb. you cheer me up when i'm down. not that i'm down right now but in general.

it's funny how you can gradually work your way up to doing things that you previously thought you couldn't do. it starts off as something small and then becomes something bigger and bigger. who would've thought right?

for once in my life, i feel like i'm actually letting it happen...it as in opening my heart to Him & everything.

i like to think of what i'm going through this way...you're a child and one day you stumble upon a dirty old rock that no one else really notices. you pick it up and examine it because it's something new to you. you brush it off a bit and keep it in your pocket, like a treasure of sorts. as the days go by, you forget that you have it even though it's still there. finally you decide to take that dirty rock out of your pocket and wipe more of the dirt away until it's clean and take a good look at it again. this time, you don't have to keep it hidden in your pocket... it's presentable, it's clean, and it's more than just a piece of dirt. then you decide to paint on it to make it pretty. it becomes your work of art and you admire it and keep it on your desk...months and years go by, and you're no longer a kid anymore. your rock's still sitting on your desk but this time it seems like it acts as nothing but a paperweight. you want to put it to even better use this time. so you put it in your pocket again and you come across a little girl sitting on the sidewalk playing with her doll. you subtly place the rock near her, so that she can easily spot it. you back away and watch her until she notices it and puts her doll down and picks the rock up and smiles. you see her place the rock in her pocket and you're happy again. you no longer need to have the rock physically with you or in your possession to make you happy. sharing it and knowing that another person will find happiness in that is enough. the little girl's smile helps you return to that initial feeling of excitement and curiosity and happiness that you yourself experienced as a child.

the brand new thing that makes you happy as a kid becomes a part of your everyday life. you take care of it and nurture it and it becomes more than just a rock. it means a lot to you. later you realize that its worth only increases as you brush the dirt off, as you clean it up, as you add another layer of paint on it, as it transforms from being something you "found" to something that you "own"...something that belongs to you. as you mature, you realize that you don't need it in front of you as a daily reminder to be happy and instead you find happiness in sharing that with others, allowing others to find that rock and make it their own. you find your way BACK to him because you see others paving their own paths TOWARD him. you follow them as much as they follow you. you inspire me. yes you. because of your light, i'm starting to let go and let my own shine.

when i said "yes" i mistook the call as one of "leadership" rather than "servitude." that misunderstanding alone triggered an abundance of insecurities and called to mind even more of my own flaws. lately i'm beginning to see the "servitude" in being a family "leader." you serve me ALL the time, more than i thought you would be and it's something that i embrace and appreciate. saying "yes" to serving others was not me automatically forfeiting my ability to be served. i thought that it was all on me but it's not. the newbies, the alum, everyone is in this together and i'm starting to grow into my own. FINALLY. all this time i've been thinking "i'm not good enough to lead, i still have to be led"...when in reality He's not asking me to lead, He's just asking me to be me and to serve, still an overwhelming and heavy call but not one that's impossible to take on, not one that's too intimidating to approach. call it enlightenment. i call it a result of your prayers. i'm not supposed to follow in someone else's footsteps or live my life in their shoes. i'm my own person. the comparisons only hurt me rather than help me. and WOW i can actually help other people by just being me?! it never occurred to me before. i've always strived to be LIKE other people when i should've just been myself all along.

how could such a simple concept be such a difficult one for me to grasp?

the most important thing is that i'm realizing what i've been doing wrong and i'm taking steps to fix it.

i'm praying for you all. THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE. i love youuuuuuuu. and i mean it. you make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me love, you make me serve, and you make me live.

am i becoming a grown up or what?! haha jk. i still have a lot to learn and a lot more growing to do but baby steps right.

alex is whoaohh: the most awkward event happened to me tonight

i can't wait to find out what that awkward moment issssssss. that woke me up. i love how people associate me with that word, even my own brother... awkward.

p.s. i think i AM starting to be happy again because i had a dream today and for the first time it wasn't that intense. i dreamt that i was torn between going to a bsb/nsync/britney autograph signing and a degrassi one. both of them were on the same day, november 1st and i decided that i was gonna split my time and go to both. whoaaa.... i haven't had a dumb dream like that since the 6th grade. AWESOME.

strug‧gle [struhg-uhl] verb, -gled, -gling, noun
a task or goal requiring much effort to accomplish or achieve.


it's a continuous process that doesn't end immediately. it's a gradual thing or so i've learned and although i can't say that i've completely gotten rid of the things that i've been struggling with, i CAN say that it's not a losing battle. i refuse to throw in the towel.

this whole year so far has been helping me help myself and in turn, help you.

at first i thought the whole purpose of digging was to get to the bottom of the hole. i've been mistaken so i've stopped digging.

stop doing that to yourself.

looong week ahead. it's only halfway over. lots to think about. lots to do.

beautiful.

today was a good day. thank You.

edit@ 7:30am
ugh i'm awake. anyway i think i need to ditch a class today for my own sake. my ability to function today depends on it, like seriously. i need to fit in a nap (yes I will take a nap because I'm that tired) and i don't think i'm gonna work this afternoon...i mean working this morning is enough.

p.s. britney divorced kevin federline. yaaay. he's dumb.

p.p.s. it feels like i'm finally going up! (in the elevator, that is) hahah... thought i'd take a cue from dg and cgitew's(kirs's) xanga.

p.p.p.s. i got my first "i voted" sticker yesterday. i'm a big kid now or an adult.

p.p.p.p.s. God is good all the time.

Praying for you. Keep yo' head up.

i'm gonna hate myself tomorrow for staying up this late.

waking up in approximately 5 hours.

prayers work wonders.

to find yourself that low, that down in the dumps and trying to get back up seemed to be a lost cause for quite a while and then finding yourself being gradually lifted up again... that is the best feeling in the world. even when you know you aren't completely "good"....just knowing that you're better, it's a gift.

trading my sorrows.

my subconscious tapped into it before i did.

it doesn't cost a thing to smile.

thank God for you...

i bet you thought i was gonna break into that bette midler song. well you're wrong. but i still think you're the wind beneath my wings. CHEESY.

OK GO. i love them. i love that song. i love their dance moves. that's all.

heaven only knows i can't get enough of this cd.

my brother told me a funny story today HAHAH. man. so good. it involves a toothbrush and dancing. he's a cool kid.

i just watched a cinderella story earlier tonight. YAY chad michael murray :) hahah.

uhh 1:54am means i should sleep now.

updaaate later.

welcome backkkkk everyoneeeee!!!! my buddy list missed you buddies.

i'm better than i've been in a while. it was a surprisingly good weekend. i don't know if it was the fact that i cleaned my room or that i got a week's worth of filipino food or that i'm gonna be on Wowowee in December or that I actually got to talk to old friends who I haven't talked to in months... whatever it is, it's helping me relight that dimmed fire.


the words i keep inside this heart of mine has something to reveal that you're always in my prayers and this time to you i swear there's nothing i won't do for you, i care. i know you've cut ties but why does it feel like you've cut ties with ME? i can feel the tension. i know our drifting apart is partially my fault but i'm willing & ready to fix it. the holidays are coming up & we have to get past this. i'm trying to bridge the gap. i hope it works because i miss you. let's take the high road. <3

edit @ 10:59am
I had another weird dream last night. i don't remember a lot of it. the part that stands out the most involves me cussing out a middle aged lady. CRAZY HUH?! i think i vaguely remember calling her the b-word lol. then she asked me "what's good?" to which i replied "God." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i think people gave me props for that after i said it. o m g. analyze THAT.

praying.

you got this.

lying in my bed i hear the clock tick and think of you / turning in circles confusion is nothing new / flashback to warm nights almost left behind / suitcase of memories time after some times you picture me / i am walking too far ahead you're calling to me / i can't hear what you said / you say go slow i fall behind the second hand unwinds / if you're lost you can look and you will find me time after time / if you fall i will catch you, i'll be waitin' time after time...

i may be biased but i prefer my ring sister's version of "time after time" to the original. if you heard it too you'd love it. i'm listening to it right now.

everyone's struggling.

i'm trying my hardest. i don't know if it's anywhere near enough.

prayers always.

i'm willing to take on more.

angie made me laugh really hard yesterday. REALLY. hahaha... "what for?!" oh man. thanks. i needed that.

all i ask for is consistency!

haha jk.

but really, there's like no one online right now. what is going on?!?! and if people ARE online, they're away (and they're probably REALLY away unlike i am). no wonder i was so productive last night aka a few hours ago. i designate today as homework day.

sooo, i plan to sleep soon (since it's 1am) and then i will wake up tomorrow around 9 i hope and take a shower and organize my stuff and start on my homework and wait for my mom to come and visit and drop off filipino food and eat lunch and do homework and go to 6:30 mass and do homework again until i sleep and the cycle continues. that was a long sentence. it was a run-on. i apologize.

wouldn't it be cool if i was one of the bigat ten?! how awesome would that be. boom tarat tarat folks. good night.

i love You / you & i mean it.

edit @ 2:05pm
where do we go, who knows?
but each day gets better

my brother lent me his john legend "once again" cd. really goood.

an incentive to stop? i hope. quit while you're ahead.

is this His answer?

still can't.

good & bad. the line between's blurry.

if you can't beat 'em join 'em?

my mom found my old poetry book while she was cleaning. my poetry book from when i was in middle school. dude some of this stuff kills me... in a good way. it makes me laugh HAHAHA.

in the mind of a 12 year old Anna:

Your Birthdate: February 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

...it's saturday oo oo sticky, icky, icky, icky sticky, icky, icky, icky...

happy november 4th haha. i forgot to change my "angry little girls" calendar to november. i changed it this morning and it says:

a time for thanksgiving
maria: Thanks for being my friend.
angry little asian girl: GO AWAY.

HAHAHA. priceless. i hope i never end up like her. that's really mean :( i don't think i'm like her. anyway, i can never listen to "turn the beat around" again. thanks kirs. thanks shawshank + pelican bay + nimz + melissaa gangsta + jen kim + mel for inviting me to hang out and go to alerto's for "girls night out" even though i was sleepy and not much fun. i'll be awake next time.

i've been too busy to feel the past few days. it's one thing after another after another. it never ends.

my brother woke me up this morning just to tell me that Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe broke up. my heart hurts now hahah. no really, it's sad! there's no hope for hollywood anymore. booo.

should i go to the Wowowee taping? my mom got tickets for sure. december 2nd. hmmm i could be on tv again but this time i can do the boom tarat tarat dance. word.

slowly but surely.

it's time to step it up.

I wish i could be as cool as you.

today's plans include lunch with angie, clean, organize my life, do a load of laundry?, watch the little mermaid, eat dinner, do homework, read, and sleep. very productive. let's see how it works out.

when will you believe that?

SURVEY @ 3:00pm
OMG. It's 3:13 and I just got off the phone with GP! YAAAY. I looked at my phone, which was on silent as usual and I saw the voicemail thingy and 2 missed calls and it was a 213 area code so I assumed it was one of my LA friends so I called back and was like "hiii who is this?" and the person was like "hi you don't know who this is?" and i was like "no i don't know whose number this is" and he was like "you don't know who you're talking to? maybe if you checked your voicemail, you'd know" and i was like "ohhh okay" and was this close to hanging up so that i could check my voicemail until he said, "it's MEE gpppp". That made me happy. That's all! YAY. Okay survey time for real. i think i've done some of this survey before. oh well.

1. Who made you smile yesterday?
lots of people

2. What were you doing at 8 this morning?
sleeping

3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
drinking ice blended drinks from coffeebean with angie

4. What is something that happened to you in 1995?
i got an award for best handwriting?

5. What is the last thing you said aloud?
bye!!! on the phone

6. How many different things did you drink today?
water & white chocolate dream

7. What color is your toothbrush?
white and purple

8. What was the last thing you bought?
a 25 cent soda refill at alerto's

9. What was the last gift you recieved for your birthday?
man my cool pink backpack from best friend & lots of cookies

10. What color is your front door?
white?

11. Where do you keep your change?
in my wallet

12. What is the weather like today?
sunny and cold

13. What is the best ice-cream flavor?
chocolate chip cookie dough

14. What is something you are excited about?
ummm nothing really. wow that sucks.

15. When was the last rainbow you saw?
this year, sometime in the spring

16. What size shoe do you wear?
ranges from 6- 6 and a half and the occasional 7

17. Do you have a sister?
no

18. Are you very random?
i think so.

19. Do you want to cut your hair?
YEAH. my hair's really long.

20. Are you over the age of 25?
raaandom question. no. i'm 19 years old foo.

21. Do you talk a lot?
depends on my mood and who i'm with

22. Do you watch The OC?
yes but i didn't watch the premier last week.

23. Does your screen name have an 'x' in it?
no but it has a z! annanymouslizard

24. Do you know anyone called Steve?
if steven counts?

25. Do you make up your own words?
not really. no wait, i say "foom"

26. Are you ticklish?
sometimes

27. Are you typically a jealous person?
not usually

28. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'A':
abby & angie & many more

29. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter 'T'.
theresaaa

30. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list?
meechy

31. What did the last text message you recieved say?
jus wntd 2 knw if u wntd 2 hang out w da grls 2nite at shawshank- cristina

32. Do you chew on your straws?
yeah

33. Do you have curly hair?
it's kinda wavy

34. What is the next concert you're going to?
i wish i was going to the JT concert

35. Who is the coolest person in your life?
HAHAHAH KIRSTEN ASCIO! lol but i'd say everyone. i love all my friends equally.

36. What is something you say alot?
awkwarddd

37. What is the last thing you ate?
quizno's mesquite chicken sandwich & carl's jr. criss cut fries/fried zuchini

38. Have you seen the movie 'Donnie Darko'?
no

39. Do you have work tomorrow?
no fortunately

40. Is marriage in your future?
i hope so... whenever i stop being mean to boys.

41. When was the last time you said 'I love you' and meant it?
whenever i talk to my mom

42. What should you be doing right now?
studying/homework

43. Do you have a nickname?
annaaaa, azil, lizard, annawkward, also, alo, tambien, lizita, lisa, liza, etc.

44. Do you believe in love at first sight?
no... love = time and knowledge my friend.

45. Are you a heavy sleeper?
no

46. When was the last time you used a skateboard?
don't rememberrrrr

47. What is the best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
i haven't watched a movie in the past two weeks but i watched friday on VH1.

48. What kind of mobile phone do you have?
sony ericsson brick

49. What are you listening to right now?
overjoyed- stevie wonder hahah it's on shuffle.

50. Are you currently depressed?
not at this moment. i am okay.

things are looking up.

EDIT AGAIN:
I got this email from Sarah Killiannnnn, SUPER NIXON! :) Thank You.

So Anna, here continues my efforts....

1. I was going to post this as a comment today but I didn't:
I guess my old privileges are gone. I don't know when they disappeared. haha
I was going to post on your blog but I guess this is just as good. Sarah
says sometimes you feel miserable so that later when someone else says they
feel miserable you can say I know what you mean.

2. Cristina posted this:
I'm beginning to pray guys... =) step by step thing. Thanks Anna Liza! Just
wanted to let you know that Tuesday night was a blessing for me. Things get
better... they usually do. And as much as we worry, everything falls into
place... and I for one know of all the things that have fallen into place in
my life, but yet I was having mini heart attacks in trying to resolve them.
*Things really do fall into place*. *Just trust.*
**
3. And this is what my entry would have said if I could have posted one
(it's by steven curtis chapman):
Never has there been and never again
Will there be another you
Fashioned by gods hand
And perfectly planned
To be just who you are
And what hes been creating
Since the first beat of your heart
Is a living breathing priceless work of art


Thanks Anna. What am I thanking you for? Well for letting others talk to
you. Sometimes I'm no good at the telling so I try and listen to others.
You and Bernie. That's all. First rule of holes when you are in one stop
digging.

Take care. Hope the ebb of support has helped this week. Peace.

In His awesome love,
Sarah

And know that if I knew / All of the answers I would / Not hold them from you'd / Know all the things that i'd know /We told each other, there is no other way / Well too much silence can be misleading / You're drifting I can hear it in the way that your breathing / We don't really need to find reason / Cause out the same door that it came well its leaving its leaving / Leaving like a day that's done and part of a season / Resolve is just a concept that's as dead as the leaves /But at least we can sleep, its all that we need / When we wake we will find / Our minds will be free to go to sleep

I feel gross and my eye bags are getting worse by the minute. Ugh. Staying up till 4am to do homework is not fun at all. Now it's to the point that when I actually do try to go to sleep, I can't do so without feeling this tiny but bothersome headache that I feel especially above my eyes!!!!

Anyway, I miss some friends. I had really good conversations with two of them today and last night. Kim & Kristinaaaa, come back to me! haha jk but not really.

Happyheart164 (12:04:36 AM): but i cant help you....you need to help yourself
Happyheart164 (12:04:39 AM): everything comes from you
Happyheart164 (12:04:46 AM): im just here to remind you
Happyheart164 (12:45:12 AM): you have control over everything in your life
Happyheart164 (12:45:27 AM): and anna...remember that you are worth so much more than you think you are

that kim, she's a smart one.

the homily on wednesday spoke to me. it was like He intended me to hear it... the frequent use of the word "awkward" gave it away. if only i could internalize what others tell me. we have to overcome that initial awkwardness and fear of disappointment and failure in order to celebrate God's goodness and the gifts He has given us in our hearts.

He says, "so what?" to our insecurities.

"Don't limit God's ability to give by your capacity to receive."

Make me Your instrument, as unworthy as I deem myself to be.

am i getting better?

i do not regret letting you in.

prayers for everyone including the retreatants.

my mom reserved seats for Wowowee in LA AND she gets to meet Sarah Geronimo on the 9th I think at barrio fiesta.

desperate times call for desperate measures... i only take naps when i'm overwhelmingly tired and this is one of those times.

peace out.

You're b e a u t i f u l but you don't know
Can't see what's there inside your soul
Always feelin like you're not good enough
You wish you could be someone else
Sometimes you just can't see yourself
But I can see just who you are, who you are

You're exceptional the way you are
Don't need to change for nobody
You're incredible, anyone can see that
When will you believe that?
You are nothing but exceptional
(Yeah)

You never you think you measure up
Never smart or cool, or pretty enough
Always feeling different from all the rest, oh
You feel so out of place, you think you don't fit in
I think you're perfect in the skin you're in
You're just perfect just how you are, just how you are, yeah

[chorus]
You're exceptional the way you are
Don't need to change for nobody
You're incredible, anyone can see that
When will you b e l i e v e that?
You are nothing but exceptional

If you could see the one I see when I see you
You'd know how lucky you are to be you
I see through into you
And you are

You're exceptional the way you are
Don't need to change for nobody
You're incredible, anyone can see that
When will you believe that? (You are)
You're exceptional the way you are
Don't need to change for nobody
You're incredible, anyone can see that
When will you believe that?
You are nothing but EXCEPTIONAL

:(

Thanks for the song best friend.

Somehow I can never manage to receive it or accept it, let alone embrace it.
Teach me.

Longer entry later.

"Saints have a past, sinners have a f u t u r e."

You make me want to try. Your "yes" inspires me and right now, it's one of the only things keeping me going. Thank you.

Hope.

she's so lucky, she's a star / but she cry cry cries in her lonely heart thinkin' / if there's nothin' missin' in my life /then why do these tears come at night? / lost in an image, in a dream but there's no one there to wake her up and the world is spinnin' and she keeps on winnin' but tell me what happens when it stops?

Facebook says, "Hey, your account is temporarily unavailable due to site maintenance. It should be available again within a few hours. We apologize for the inconvenience."

WHAT THE HECK?!?! :(

Anyway, wake up wake up wake up it's the first of the month. AGAIN.

another month. sigh.

what is going on?! i seriously don't know. please tell me if you do.

i can't see it, at all.

it's really hard.

second year isn't easy. LIFE isn't easy.

bernannas is under an enormous, overshadowing, gloomy cloud right now. it sucks.

if my life were a song... wow. what a story it would tell. lyrics. i love lyrics.

i don't say "yes" enough. i'm not doing enough. everyone around me is moving. i'm at this fixed, stagnant place in my life..my feet are too firmly planted to the ground and i feel stuck...whose fault is that but my own?

if you'd just let go, if you'd let your heart go

just surrender?

ultimately it's up to me.

this isn't going to happen over night. i thought it could but now i know it can't, as much as i wish it could. ugh.

we do way too good of a job at fooling one another but we do an even better job at fooling ourselves. let it out. sometimes you have to take off that mask. "don't lie to yourself"...

crying is your heart's way of telling you that something's wrong, so listen. i learned that today.

you are not alone. i hope you feel better.

i take back what i said about me sucking at life (thanks cristina)...i think by saying that I'm doing Him a disservice...because all of us are made in His image, even when we are too blinded by our own self-doubts, insecurities, and flaws to recognize it.

i can honestly and wholeheartedly say that i believe in you... SO MUCH, to the point where i get incredibly frustrated when you refuse to acknowledge how much of a difference you've made in my life, how much you've demonstrated His love to me, how much of my cross you've carried, and how beautiful you are.

why can't i say the same for myself?

these past few weeks have been killing me. it's too up and down. i never know where i stand. it's taking a toll on me and my relationships. so she told me that he wants me to start calling him. when will i be ready to do that?

this entry is soooo vague & confusing. i apologize for pulling a "meechy."

So when you sense a change, / Nothing feels the same, / All your dreams are strange, / Love comes walkin’ in.

Thank you for coming into my life and lifting me up, especially when I'm at my lowest. I'm sorry that you've had to see me like this lately. I don't know if I could ever repay you for all that you do. You inspire me. You're my "Mama Mary" and my "Simon." Your prayers and thoughts mean the world to me. If you only knew. I thank Him everyday for blessing me with your presence and company. I truly am humbled by you. You're a living saint and you being in my life is a testament of how much He loves. I can see Him working through you and I'm overwhelmed by the power of your "yes" every day.

"Without the burden of afflictions, it is impossible to reach the height of grace. The gift of grace increases as the struggles increase."-St. Rose of Lima

"I told you so."

Prayers.

I want to let it shine.

P.S. I'm so much better at written word. Now you know.